It's not them. It's you.

This weekend has been quite eye opening.

Where do I begin? Yesterday (Saturday) was really nice. My boyfriend picked me up and we went to Lydiard Park in Swindon as they had a classic car show. Thankfully the weather was really sunny, so we were able to get there relatively quickly and enjoy a nice wander around all the classic cars. As my Boyfriend has driven a number of VW's in his life, he tends to prefer them and Audi's as they are apparently 'superior engineering', whereas I'm afraid my heart will always lie with Vauxhall - having passed my test in a Corsa, undertaken my Pass Plus in a Corsa and only owned.. yup.. Vauxhall Corsa's :-) Unfortunately, Vauxhall didn't really make much of an appearance at the show, so I had to make do with various other cars instead.

Once we'd seen all the cars, we had a look inside the house which was really nice, before heading off to find some lunch. The pub we found was really posh, however in regards to 'healthy' things, it left a lot to be desired and the best thing I could find was 'chicken and chips' - hardly going to win any awards for health, I know. The best I could do was try to not eat the chicken skin and only eat a few of the chips, however it was hard - as I was rather hungry.

We then headed to a local National Trust property which was beautiful. Ashdown House which was used as a Hunting Lodge a few hundred years ago. It's not open all the time (The house is only open on certain days from 14:00) so we managed to get there for 14:30 and enjoyed walking around the grounds and also the guided tour which only took 30 minutes - perfect for someone who has a low attention span :-)

Despite not really feeling like we'd walked very far - we had actually managed to do over 8,000 steps which was pretty awesome. Once getting back home, I had a quick cup of tea and headed down to the South Coast to see my friend. This is the friend who is having an affair with a married guy and the married guy is going on a 2.5 week cruise with his wife and children - My friend, is rather upset about this as it means no contact for over 2 weeks.... I said I'd go down and try and take her mind off things whilst trying not to judge her actions (which is hard, as I don't condone cheating in any form).

I suggested we go to a local supermarket and grab some food, however she said she was knackered from building flat pack furniture so wanted to grab a takeaway - apparently due to where she lived, we only had 2 options... Pizza, or Chinese and she said she wanted Pizza as she'd eaten a lot of Chinese in the last 2 weeks. Oh joy... More unhealthy food :-S I didn't feel I could say anything as it's her house, so said that was fine and we ordered a Texas BBQ Pizza with some potato wedges. I was trying really hard not to feel resentment towards her - I mean.. Here I am, trying really hard to be healthy, suggesting we go to a supermarket and buy some food to cook, or if we get a takeaway, maybe it could be something healthy, but healthy pizza doesn't really exist..

It was nice - don't get me wrong, but I did feel really annoyed that once again, my healthy eating plans had been thwarted. However, then I thought about it... my friend is a size 14... here she was, telling me she'd eaten 'crap' for the last 2 weeks, eating pizza with me right now... yet she's a size 14? How is that possible? I'm a size 16 and am beating myself up about it every day at the moment.. every day I put something unhealthy into my mouth, I'm feeling guilt / frustrating and embarrassment that I can't remain on my healthy eating journey.

We chatted about it, and she said that she struggles with her weight (not something she'd ever said to me before), however she said she tried to take responsibility for everything she ate and as she's 'been a pig' for the last 2 weeks, is going to be really hitting the gym hard next week and eating mostly salads. It was kind of a light bulb moment in some ways - My friends aren't the reason I'm 'failing' at healthy eating - it's not fair to 'blame' them, they're not forcing the food into my mouth and equally, I should be able to eat takeaway with them as I don't see them all the time. The main issue is when I'm at home - like I am right now.. and rather than choosing say, a healthy option, I choose to eat rubbish.. It's not them, it's me.

My friend and other friends and family prove this - they eat takeaways... eat in restaurants, post pictures on Facebook about eating massive amounts of chocolate and drinking, yet a lot of them are slimmer than me..  So it can't be something they do all the time, right? Yet, if I'm not only eating unhealthily with them, but I'm also doing it at home.. that's all my body is getting... so it's not them, it's me who needs to sort this out.

It was a lovely night with my friend and it's been a lovely day with my friends as well. Despite going to a cafe for breakfast this morning (Full English - Didn't eat all the bread, nor the sausage and asked for things to be grilled, not fried) when she suggested icecream, I suggested frozen yoghurt and we got a 'Snog' instead (That's what the frozen yoghurt company is called, odd, huh? I'd never heard of it before!) We could choose whatever toppings we wanted, so I chose some blueberries... much healthier than Ice cream :-)  We then headed back to hers to watch 'The Woman in Black 2' and she told me she had loads of suits that were a size 16 that were too big for her and did I want them?

Wow... it's awesome. I'm now in the possession of 3 full suits, 3 suit jackets and 3 pairs of trousers... whilst most are a size 16, there's 2 pairs of 14 trousers which I can actually do up! However they are TIGHT, so I'm not kidding myself about my size. My friend said 'have the lot' as they were just in her wardrobe gathering dust - It was really nice of her so I'm thinking of sending her a massive bunch of flowers to say thankyou, that should cheer her up a bit and also show her that I really do appreciate it - The suits are not cheap... so I imagine it's over £500 of clothes easily!

I'm now back home, incredibly tired as I didn't sleep very well at my friends house. I slept in her lounge, on the floor as her sofa is quite short and my back couldn't cope with the fact my whole body wasn't lying straight. Unfortunately it was really hot in her lounge and her 3 cats were making a lot of noise most of the night so I think I got about 3 hours sleep, tops :-S Dinner tonight is a quorn pesto and mozerella escalope with some steamed veg and I'm just about to make it now before probably having an early night.

Thankfully, there's no work for me tomorrow, so I'm not worried about not sleeping tonight :-)