My dramatic friend

Do you have a friend like this?

I’m really lucky to have lots of lovely friends and family. They’re all really positive influences in my life and I’m really grateful that they support me and are usually up for doing crazy stuff with me – be it ghost hunts, trips to National Trust properties, caves or cheap holidays to random places. I know I’m not perfect and have massive anxieties around certain things and I’m grateful my friends accommodate me – My friends aren’t perfect either and in regards to ‘Drama friend’, she’s an intelligent, supportive and really loyal friend who also love cats. 

Unfortunately, when it comes to men, she seems to be rather nuts.

I first met Drama friend when I started my current job, 5 and a half years ago. A couple of weeks before I joined, I drove to the office with my passport and other vetting documents so my clearance would hopefully be through soon after I officially started. Drama friend was the colleague who came downstairs, let me in and chatted to me whilst she photocopied my documents – At the photocopier we learnt that

1. We both lived in the same place

2. We both loved cats

3. We both had cats called Bailey

4. We both liked chocolate

5. We both seemed as crazy as each other.

When I joined, we gravitated towards each other and became really good friends, very quickly. Over the next couple of years, she ended a 7 year relationship with ‘Toby the idiot’ who she lived with as he was messaging other women on Facebook, was irresponsible with money (got to the point he wouldn’t open bills and defaulted on all his credit cards) and was abusive to her on a daily basis calling her ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ but sulking if they didn’t have sex. Once Toby left, she seemed much happier, more confident, started losing weight, going to the gym and generally seemed to have a much more positive outlook on life.

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Dan: She then met Dan at a friends birthday meal. Dan worked with her friend and was also single. They hit it off and started seeing each other – Dan stated from the start that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, that he just wanted to ‘see people’ and that he wasn’t looking ‘to put labels on things’. At first, Drama friend was happy with this stating ‘It’s just sex, I’m only looking for some fun, anyway’, however a few weeks later it was ‘I have strong feelings for Dan’ and finally ‘I love Dan’. Dan however, remained unchanged, stating he was only looking to ‘see people’.

Cue 18 months of on-again, off-again relationships with her not grasping the fact that Dan never wanted to commit. When they ‘broke up’ the first time, she sent him an anonymous valentines card with a 4 paragraph poem in it, citing how much pain she was in and how she knew he’d never love her, like she loved him, but that was OK, as she had enough love for both of them. On the back of the card, she put an email address that she created herself to do with monkeys as apparently he had once bought her a cuddly monkey ‘If he wants to get in contact and know who the card is from, he can email the email address’ she said – Oddly, he never did.

They finally broke up after she tested positive for herpes. Phoning Dan and telling him, he said ‘Oh, that’s not good, I guess we’re going to have to start using condoms’ She said ‘I thought you said you couldn’t use them and that’s why I’ve been on the pill’? Turns out that he’s apparently only allergic to a ‘certain brand’ and he ‘misunderstood her’ when she asked him if he could wear condoms…. Remember – You can’t get rid of herpes so she’s now got that for life.

After breaking up with Dan, she registered on a number of dating sites and met a LOT of men. The paragraphs below are not the entire story, but it gives you an idea of the type of drama she creates.

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Tom: I met her in the work car park one morning and suggested we wander over to Starbucks to grab a cup of tea. She was furiously texting on her phone ‘I’m just emailing Tom to tell him to delete all the sexy photos and videos I sent him as he’s a total liar and I hate him’ Er… Who on earth is Tom? Turns out, she started speaking to him a week ago on a dating site, he lived in the same place as we worked and they were getting on really well, long messages, sending each other ‘adult’ photos etc. After a couple of days he said to her that she seemed really nice but he had a lot of work on that week, so was going to be pulling long hours, so could he give her a shout in a weeks time and maybe they could go for a drink?

I said that sounded pretty reasonable and that actually, he was trying to not mess her around and maybe she should wait to hear from him in a week?  ‘He’s lying’ she exclaimed. I asked her how she knew he was lying and she said that she had worked out what flat he lived in from the photos he had sent her and as we worked in a tall building, our office overlooks his block of flats. She had been looking out of the window, into (what she had concluded was) his flat and had seen the light go on at 5pm… ‘If he was working long hours like he said, he wouldn’t be home to turn his light on’. 

I suggested to her that maybe this wasn’t his flat, maybe he had a cleaner, maybe he was working from home, maybe he had a flatmate, but whatever it was, maybe she was getting too over-invested in this guy after a few days? Nope, she had made up her mind that it was his flat, that he was lying to her and she didn’t like it, so she had confronted him. Needless to say, he had replied to her saying that she seemed nice, but this was a little too intense for him so he was going to say goodbye and blocked her on the dating site.

Unfortunately, he had told her where he worked, so she had gone to his works website, figured out his surname and had worked out the format of his work email address….. She then emailed him a massive long email of her ‘Thoughts and feelings’ as she didn’t see why he should get away with not knowing ‘How she felt’….  

Sadly she only told me this as she was pressing the ‘send’ button on the phone, so I didn’t get the chance to try and talk her out of it.Did it stop there? No… she then found his Twitter Account, joined Twitter and started following him and re-tweeting his tweets. He actually tweeted to her ‘How’s the stalking working out for you?’ to which she got into a massive huff at work and starting telling everyone who would listen ‘Oh, apparently I’m a stalker’, ‘I would go to lunch with you, but I might stalk you, oh? Didn’t you know? I’m apparently a stalker’… 

‘Yeah, I don’t know why I have any friends as I’m a stalker…’

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David: Started chatting to him on a Thursday night and he said he was going up to Leicester for the weekend and would she like to join him? She said yes, so he picked her up less than 24 hours later and drove her to Leicester in his car. She said she could tell her was a ‘Good guy’ as  he’d bought her a present of some Sanctuary products and gave them to her when she got into his car. 

They then spent the entire weekend in his  hotel room, having sex (no, she didn’t tell him she had herpes) and by Sunday, he apparently appeared ‘cold’ and wouldn’t hold her hand. He  dropped her off home and texted her on Monday saying he thought she was a nice woman, but he wasn’t looking for a relationship. She said that  was fine, but could she have her jumper back that she left in his car?

He said he’d drop it over on Tuesday, so she spent 2 hours getting ‘ready’ for him and looked ‘fabulous’ when she opened the door to him,  thanked him for bringing her jumper back and asked him to stay – He stayed. The next day she texted him asking him to meet for a coffee when he was free – He never replied to her. 

When asking her what she felt about the whole situation, she said that ‘She felt like a strong, confident woman who was able to control men’ :-S

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Mike: Mike knew Dan (the 18 month relationship guy) as they worked in the same place and met Drama friend through the same friend who had introduced her to Dan. Mike really, really, really liked Drama friend, however Drama friend wasn’t overly keen until she found out that Dan was slightly jealous of her seeing Mike. 

She invited Mike over to her flat and he drove to her flat, bringing not only 2 bottles of wine, but also a 2 person takeaway for her and him to share. She announced she wasn’t keen on that takeaway so he bought her another one. After a bottle of wine each, they started kissing and he decided to perform oral sex on her – after a few minutes, she told him to stop, she wasn’t ready and he immediately stopped. She refused to kiss him after that and he thought it was because he needed to clean his teeth, he had bad breath etc…. They slept in the same bed and cuddled but even the morning after, she refused to kiss him. He apparently thought this was due to her freaking out about the thought of having a boyfriend so he was very respectful and left. 

When she was telling me this I asked her if his assumption was right and when she was going to see him again. 'Oh, I can't possibly see him gain' she said 'I might get cold sores' - When I queried why this was... all the stuff about him giving her oral sex came out.... Was I disgusted? Yes.. and told her in no uncertain terms. 'My Mother suggested I don't tell anyone about my Herpes as I won't be able to get a boyfriend' she said.. and unfortunately she listens to her Mother more than me at the moment :-S

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Ian: After meeting loads of guys and having sex with them straight away, I suggested she stop doing this as she didn't look like she wasn't finding men who actually wanted a girlfriend. She agreed, so started chatting to Ian from the dating site. As he lived 3 hours away from her, she decided to go and see him, but rather than stay at his house like he suggested, she booked a hotel room. All looking good so far...

After she got back from seeing Ian, he suddenly seemed less responsive - when I asked her if she'd stayed at his house, she said no. 'So maybe he's just decided you're not suited for each other?' I suggested. The she admitted that she did stay in the hotel... With him and that they had slept together 4 times over the weekend. However apparently this was 'different' as they'd discussed going on holiday together, meeting up every couple of weeks and apparently had 'planned a future'.

Contact kept getting more and more sparse and then she got an email saying that she was a lovely person but at the moment he couldn't have a relationship as he had to support his ex girlfriend as her Fat

her had just tried to commit suicide. Now whether this is a true reason or not, wouldn't you just leave it there? Not if you're Drama friend! She found him on Facebook and sent him a friends request 'As she wanted to be a friend to him during this trying time'. Oddly enough, he didn't accept. She then went through his Facebook friends and found his ex girlfriend. She then created a fake Facebook account and sent his ex girlfriend a friends request to try and find out if she was 'in a relationship' with Ian on Facebook. Oddly enough, his ex didn't accept her request either.

She then announced that she was heartbroken and didn't understand why he wouldn't accept her friends request and that maybe it was best for her to come off internet dating for a while - a decision that all of her friends (including myself) suggested was a good idea. 

She deactivated her account for precisely 3 days, before activating it again.

My crazy Uncle and Aunt

I am sure every family has people like this, don't they?

Whilst my Blog is primarily about my healthy eating, I think it's important to gain a bit of background knowledge about stuff and that includes my family members. I think out of all my family members, my Uncle Robert and Aunty May are the most 'unique' out of all them.

Background: My Mother was adopted when she was very young. She was adopted by my Grandmother along with her (non-blood related) brother. Growing up, she only found out she was adopted when she found a lot of papers relating to her adoption in one of the wooden trunks in my Grandmothers bedroom. She learnt her birth surname and the names of her Mother and Father, where she was born (Bristol) and also learnt she had an older sister. My Grandmother mostly refused to talk about it and whilst my Grandmother wasn't physically abusive, she did threaten to 'Send my Mother back to where she came from' and treated my Uncle like he was the Golden child who could do no wrong.

I remember my Mother getting very upset on occasions as she never knew why she was given up for adoption, however whilst my Grandmother was alive, she didn't feel she could find her birth parents as it would upset my Grandmother. Unfortunately, my Mothers Brother was a bit of a Twat, putting it mildly - He had a criminal record for violence, did all the drugs under the sun, stole my dead Grandads' tools (he used to be a mechanic) and sold them down the local pub - He moved to France 25 years ago after a very bad fight where he was going to be arrested and only ever came back to England to take more money off my Grandmother - He hadn't held a job down for over 20 years and made money on the side by selling drugs - He was only interested in himself before he died of pancreatic cancer, therefore was never bothered finding his parents, let alone supporting my Mother to find hers.

As I have a very unique Surname (Ryan is only half of it, it's actually double barrelled) It's only my family that appear in Google when you search for my surname. As it was, my sister was Googling our surname and came across a post my Mother had done, 4 years previous on 'Genes reunited' where she said she was trying to find her birth parents. We never even knew she was looking! Unfortunately, 4 years had gone and she hadn't found them - However I'm a lot more internet savvy than my Mother and as such, was able to track down my Mothers sisters birth certificate - I found out she had given birth to two children and managed to track one of her children down on Facebook!!!!

I sent a very polite message saying ;You don't know me, but I think you're my cousin' and gave him all the details, After a few hours, he replied, saying due to circumstances he no longer spoke to his Mother, however the details sounded right and he would pass the message onto his Mother through another person.

A few days went past and I got another message from him 'Hi Imogen, my Mother wants you to call her' and gave me the number. My heart was beating fast when I phoned the number as I thought the woman on the end of the phone might say 'Hi Imogen, I don't want you to stalk me so never contact me again'...  As the woman picked up and said 'Hello' and I said 'Hi, it's Imogen, I think you're my Aunt May?'  She burst into tears and said 'Oh my Goodness, we've been searching for your Mother for 20 years!'

Wow and wow... we did it, my sister and I found her. It turns out, that in the 1950's if a couple divorced, there was no such thing as the Child Support Agency, so when my Mothers parents divorced, my Mother was given up for adoption as she was younger and it was considered 'easier' on her, whereas my Aunt was looked after by her Uncle as she was older. My Aunt said that her and her Husband had been looking for my Mother for years but couldn't find her.

Turns out, my Aunt had got married and had 2 children - Unfortunately, her first Husband was abusive and had tried to strangle her, before putting her into the boot of his car as well as trying to drown her in a bath. With very bad injuries, she realised she needed to get away from him - Unfortunately he turned her Daughter against her, so they haven't spoken for years. We broke the news that we'd found our Mothers sister to her on Christmas day 6 years ago. We got her a Christmas card.. and put her sisters name and number in it. We then handed her the card and said 'This will be the best Christmas present you've ever had' - She opened it and said 'May?' Who's that? To which I replied 'It's your sister, we found your sister!' - I'd not seen my Mother burst into tears for over 10 years until that moment. 

It turns out that after my Aunt divorced her first Husband, she then met Robert in the medical core in the army and married him - However (and this is where it gets weird) Uncle Robert is quite frankly... mad. My Mother went to Derbyshire to meet her Sister and she stayed with her sister and Uncle Robert.

Reasons why my Uncle is crazy

1. They don't have any mirrors in the house as Uncle Robert has a spirit guide called Lucy who doesn't like mirrors. Every dinner time, they have to raise a glass 'To Lucy'.

2. He believes that the Government are spying on him - He has a computer disk with over 50 years worth of Government secrets on it and he knows they are trying to get it back. He knows things that would bring the Government down, including what really happened to Princess Diana.

3. He believes that banks are evil, therefore they store a lot of money in their fruit machines as it's more fun and just as safe'.

4. He was apparently responsible for 'taking down all of the Satellites in Spain' (He doesn't even have a computer) 

5. Text message: 'Hi Imogen tell Robert off as he wants to go to war to take out the talibon snipers taking out our troops as he is top man for the job. he is thinking of asking prince andrew to autherise through mod as hes done enough for his country he has me and you girls to live for but he is a top shot and never misses he would save lives but i do not want him to go xxxxx'

6. Text message: hi Imogen thank you for the flowers and the card they werre lovely we both wish you would reconsider your holiday to iceland because of the risk we hope the island is destroyed before you go to it. robert will ask the heavens above for this to be done as we dont want to lose you xxxxx'

7. Text message: Hi imogen, we are on the housing list in the spring robert will potition hrh prince charles about changes within the national trust if we have not moved by next year we will buy a one way ticket to dignutas as we are tired of our landlords next door. they moan about cut backs but they party every week end with theyre friends they do like going on cruises as they have now gone for another weeks cruz. sometimes we have to go without. robert has put a spell on them the last 2 cruises and this time he is willing a fatility, love you may and robert xxxx

My sisters and I only met them once, about 3 years ago and after that, we said we wouldn't go again unless we were all there as it was really full on. Robert kept saying how he didn't have children but was going to 'adopt' us (we're all adults) and how we could think of him as a surrogate Father and how he could tell the future and he knew we'd all be successful. He has a 'family crest' and a 'Sword of our ancestors' which apparently will unite the family if held in a correct way and currently the plan is to sell the 'meteorite' they found in their back garden and spend some of the money on a surrogate Mother who can apparently Father Andrew's son, so that their name and our name (as it will apparently be triple baralled) will 'live on through history'

I could write so much more on this, but there we have it - My Uncle and Aunt... crazy.