A good Channel 5 Documentary always makes me feel better
Sitting here, on my rather achey butt, in my cow onesie (most attractive with udders - one of my friends buys me very random Christmas presents) I'm watching 'Blinging up Baby' open mouthed - Honestly? People pierce their children's ears at such a young age and spend over £600 a month on their wardrobes and buy them designer handbags when they're less than 1 year old? Wow.... Just, wow. I can't say I'd cry if there wasn't any music to my child to walk into her party with.. I'd just be happy my child was having a good time. Maybe I'll be an awful mother? :-)
And as for the ponies with the pink glitter hooves...
So, now I'm at home and am thinking back over today - It was really quite painful and trying to keep the 'I'm happy' mask at work is really draining - Who wouldn't get upset when they feel deliberately left out? As I'm on holiday for the next 3 days, I don't have to go to work for 5 days so can try and focus on spending time with my boyfriend, giving myself head space and just spending 30 minutes a day job hunting. Who knows? By next week, I should have some more interviews set up!
Despite feeling really vulnerable and unhappy, I'm actually incredibly proud of myself that I didn't turn to food to fill that empty void - not at lunch time, nor at dinner time. Once I got home, I made myself an omelette with 2 eggs and an additional 4 egg whites and added a sprinkle of extra mature cheese with spring onions and a pepper. Served with a rather nice dollop of salad cream.... I didn't snack, nor did I scoff any chocolate which is my usual default action.
Does this mean I've changed my modus operandi? Maybe I'm 'cured' and from now on will only eat healthy things.....
I very, very much doubt that. I've spent over 18 years of my life comfort eating and I've managed to lose a LOT of weight, before something triggers my emotional response of reaching for the chocolate, so I don't think one day of changing my attitude means I've successfully changed my lifestyle - However, it does mean that I'm trying to and I think that I deserve to be smug that I've successfully done it today. If I don't always manage it, I need to just get back on with healthy eating the next day without beating myself up.
I'm aching a lot after going spinning yesterday so am looking forward to gong to bed and spreading out in my double bed and not setting an alarm for tomorrow.
Not only will I have a new job within 6 months time... I'll be wearing my size 14 jeans whilst thinking 'Why did I worry so much about work? It's just a job'
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