How many steps do you do in a day?

I'm looking forward to celebrating the end of my first week of my new job

I've been sleeping so much better now that I'm eating healthily again - I also think it's got something to do with having more exercise. No, I'm not going to the gym, however I'm having to walk a lot more to work.. just by walking to the train station, walking to the tube, walking to work - it's over 3,000 steps each day! That's pretty awesome and much better than what I used to do - unless I walked into town with my work friend, I'd never make 3,000 steps a day.

Thursday was another working from home day and I already feel productive, despite still not having access to all of the systems I need access to! I even went out food shopping at 8:30am and got back before 9:00. My shopping bags were full of vegetables and fish - not a chocolate bar, or unhealthy thing in site! A complete 180 degree difference from this time last week when I was in Harrods, celebrating my youngest sisters birthday by having afternoon tea in their Georgian restaurant. I've been to a number of different hotels in London for 'Afternoon Tea' - the Ritz, The Savoy.. all of have been really enjoyable, however Harrods was stunning. The service alone was just brilliant and we had so many sandwiches and cakes - I don't regret it at all as I've got great memories, but I'm so glad I'm back on the healthy eating road.

Lunch was another BBQ chicken salad as I had half a pack of mini chicken fillets to use up and more lentils. Today I didn't have cucumber, but had red onion instead and also sprinkled some cheese over the top. I tend to buy the ready grated cheese - 1. As I'm lazy and 2. As I find it's easy to portion control as you don't grate too much.

I also managed to feed the birds and clean my bathroom at lunch time - I don't know why, but I thought when I started a new job, I'd be so busy I wouldn't be able to do the 'normal' chores, however I seem to be coping really well.. partly, I think it's because I'm only doing 3 days in London, I have respect for people who commute a long way 5 days a week.. How *do* you do it... I think I'd be so tired!

Dinner was another chicken breast, but this one was wrapped in bacon and courtesy of Tesco's (Quite low in calories and fat). I decided to serve it with rosemary roasted potatoes and some steamed veg - Absolutely delicious. I know there's a lot of veg on my plate, however I want to try and 'bulk up' and stop being hungry by eating healthy things, rather than craving chocolate or pudding an hour after I've eaten. So far.. so good! :-)

Start of a new adventure

Goodbye work

Breakfast: Half a punnet of strawberries and a handful of grapes

Lunch: Raw pepper, tomatoes, cucumber and 1/2 pot of houmous

Dinner: Venison burgers, parmentier potatoes with red cabbage

Snacks: No snacks today

That's it. I've left my company. I've gone. 

Despite not telling many people or making an announcement, the people who did know, have been so amazing - I got cards, presents... it means so much to me as they're people I genuinely like and respect and going in this morning, my last day in the office after 5+ years was harder than I thought it would be. My Boss had sent me an invite for a 'Final Handover' at lunch time, so I used the morning to delete anything I don't want 'the woman' to read in my emails (as I think she'll be given access to my emails next week) and sent my last ever email to my lovely work friend, saying that she's amazing, that I knew we could be friends even though I managed her and if she ever needs anything - to let me know. It's not the end of our friendship - I'm seeing her on Monday night to watch 'Judge Geordie', but she won't be 'lovely work friend' any more.

Breakfast was just some strawberries and grapes - not the most filling of things and not something I'd eat on a routine basis, however after pizza last night I just felt like I wanted something quite light. After getting to work, I went to Starbucks with another friend - Before we moved offices, we had a Starbucks really close to us and we always used to go on a Friday, which became 'Starbucks Friday'. As it was my last day today, we did a final 'Starbucks Friday', something we'd not done in over a year since we moved office locations. He's another lovely, lovely work colleague and I hope I can stay in touch with him as well - he's currently trying to buy a house with his Wife and has been telling me all the frustrations they've been having. I've been taking notes, as it's something I want to do with my boyfriend in the next year :-)

My handover meeting happened.... and that was that, I locked my laptop / phone / encrypted USB stick in my locker and put the locker key on my desk and just walked out.... I did feel really sad, but it's the right decision. I then went to Marks and Spencers as I was starving and due to feeling a bit 'weird', went for 'the usual', so much more clean eating... raw pepper, tomatoes.. etc. I also decided to pick up food for tonight, as my plan is to spend the rest of the day inside, getting my head together and then focussing on an amazing weekend ahead - A really short, but hopefully romantic break with my Boyfriend - Who still doesn't know where we're going :-)

I'll freeze the other burgers but will probably throw the rest of the potatoes away and eat all the cabbage - I'm certainly going to try and cook things from scratch as much as possible, however I'm not going to worry about this tonight... I'm just going to chill :-)

At the moment, I'm watching 'My big fat Gypsy holiday', before watching the latest episode of 'Tattoo Fixers' so as you can tell, it's an exciting afternoon planned! I'll be going to bed relatively early as I've got a hair appointment tomorrow at the hair dressers and then... we'll be setting off to a really nice place about 3.5 hours away. Despite a 'mini holiday', I'm going to try my best to make healthy choices but not get obsessed about things.....

Fantastic result

What does one do with over 4 weeks off?

Breakfast: Oats so Simple Golden Syrup Porridge Pot

Lunch: Morrisons salad with cooked chicken and 2 boiled eggs

Dinner: Pizza Express - Leggera Pandana

Snack: Bakewell Tart Nakd Bar

Today has been a really great day, despite my back continuing to hurt (which I will need to address really soon). I slept pretty well and came into work to find my lovely work colleague had purchased the biggest melon I’ve ever seen in MY LIFE. I suggested we strap it to our stomachs somehow, and walk around so we could find out what it was like to be pregnant, however apparently it weighed more than a standard human baby at full term so we decided to just admire it, instead. I also decided to take a photo and stick it on Facebook, proclaiming how amazing my friends melon was (I am that immature).

Following on from the email my Boss sent me yesterday, we had a really quick meeting to confirm my notice period and I suggested 6 weeks. He seemed really shocked by that as I think he assumed that I would accept 8 weeks. However as I said in my earlier post, I need the ‘end date’ on my P45 form to be before I join my new company, so I stated 6 was the maximum I’d be happy with. We went through a few things quickly and that was that – He confirmed in an email and…. I get to go on garden leave from next Friday! This is amazing news! This means I have over FOUR weeks off work that I’m paid for… I only lose out on 2 days salary between jobs before I start my new one. Wow and … wow.

What can I do with a month off? See friends, seem family, catch up with people – the prospects are endless and I am really happy with the result as I can distress, clear my mind of all the negativity that I’ve been dealing with for the last few months and really get myself sorted before I start work. I’m thinking I’d really like to go to the gym loads – Yoga, Pilates, spinning during the day. 

It’s. Just. Awesome.

At lunch time, my lovely work friend and I both decided that we had had enough of walking into town and buying the same things. Due to meeting my friend tonight and eating out, I was loathed to suggest we go to a restaurant at lunch time, so suggested we go to the local Morrisons – whilst this meant driving, it’s close enough that I can drive there in 5 minutes, so we had plenty of time to go and investigate alternative healthy options. I don’t know if it’s me, however I was quite disappointed with the range – You had a few ‘healthy’ sandwiches (egg and cress etc) but that seemed to be it. After walking around aimlessly for a few minutes, I decided to go for some boiled eggs, a salad and some chicken. Hardly ground breaking sadly! On the other hand, I did find that even Morissons stock the Bakewell Tart nakd bars, so grabbed another 6 of them to tide me over for the next couple of weeks :-)

I can’t say the salad was inspiring – It didn’t have any dressing, for a start and as I’m really looking for food I enjoy eating and look forward to shoving into my gob, I don’t think I’ll be having that combination again. However, as I’ve only got 7 working days left in the office, my lovely work friend and I are going to do a bit of a ‘Supermarket tour’ so on Friday (as I’m working from home tomorrow) we’re going to go to ASDA and see if we can fare a bit better. One good thing about Morrisons however – my friend found some vegan ‘Jus-Rol Ready to Bake cinnamon rolls’ so she was rather happy as apparently ‘That’s her weekend sorted’ (How she can remain so slim is beyond me!).

My friend found a vegan Thai curry at Morrisons, so we came back to the office and ate it in the kitchen - Once she had warmed her curry up in the microwave, my friend managed to trip and spill a lot of the curry - over the floor, over the table and unfortunately... Over me! I was wearing one of my new Phase eight jumpers in grey, so lovely dark red Thai sauce was VERY noticeable - cue me running to the sink and trying to sponge it out... I think it's gone, thankfully :-)

Despite the fact that I still don’t have much work to do, the afternoon managed to jog along tolerably and I managed to leave at 5:00pm and drive to meet my friend in Reading at 6:30pm. Dear God, the traffic was horrendous! I ended up being 35 minutes late, however my friend was over an hour late - As I waited for her, I decided to go and browse the clothes in 'House of Frasier' thinking 'I won't buy anything but may as well have a look. TWO items later.... :-) I'm really chuffed I found another two things that fit and look good - both designer brands and when I tried on the 'XL' it was too big - Honestly, that felt really, really good. 

My friend finally got to Reading (or to identify her my ‘Gastric bypass friend’) and is still doing incredibly well since her operation in December 2014 - she looks AMAZING. We decided on Pizza Express, after I suggested 3 options (Yo! Sushi, Wagamamas or Pizza Express) and she narrowed it down as she wasn’t keen on eating rice or noodles at the moment. Rather than have the superfood salad, I thought I'd have the Leggara Pandana which is a pizza under 500 calories that has Goat’s cheese, caramelised onions, spinach, red onions, tomato and garlic oil with a salad in the middle. 

We chatted for ages and when my Pizza came, I have to say I was slightly underwhelmed - it was rather burnt and wasn't overly nice. It was a real shame as I've not had pizza for ages and I was really looking forward to it. After dinner, we went for a drink and I decided to have a hot chocolate - I felt slightly guilty which suggests I still haven't conquered my issues with food. Why do I feel guilty for having a hot chocolate? My first one in over two months?

My friend asked me to sign her passport photos and deed poll documentation as she's changing her surname back to her maiden name after getting divorced. We were chatting about how we had changed over the last 7 years or so and it's crazy, really, really crazy. She's a lot more open with her feelings since talking to a counsellor and I believe I am, too - It's really nice to have friends who you can be honest with - I know it doesn't sound like it's much, but for me, it's something I've always struggled with... being open with my feelings to people.

Tomorrow, I'm working from home - This means I can have a lovely lie in and have a really chilled day. I'm even thinking of defrosting a kipper for breakfast and shaking it up a little bit! Woaaaaaaaaah Imogen, crazy stuff! :-)

It's done... over.... finished.

No matter how much you control things, it never quite works out how you plan

Breakfast: Oats so simple Golden Syrup Porridge Pot with blueberries

Lunch: Wholemeal pita bread with houmous, handful of tomatoes and raw pepper

Dinner: Wagamama's chicken ramen

Snack: No snacks today :-)

After 'Red wine-gate' on Sunday night, yesterday night was much more normal and after dinner I didn't drink anything, meaning that I didn't get the munchies :-) I slept pretty well and certainly didn't want to get up this morning, which I can only think is a good thing. Despite thinking today would be just as dull as yesterday, my friend, the HR Contractor was in (she works at our company 1 day a week) so we were talking about all the office politics and what had been going on in the last few weeks as she'd been on holiday so we'd missed each other for a while.

Coming back to my desk, I got an email from my Boss, offering me an additional notice period with garden leave after I've handed stuff over, but saying he'd expect me to be around for meetings if needed. Cunning... very cunning...Whilst this might seem like a good thing, my new job starts in 6 weeks time and when I get my P45, my end date can't be later than my start date at the new company. I wasn't expecting that as a suggestion, but I guess I'm not a sociopath, so don't think of all these things :-) Either way, my main aim is to leave and look to the future, not be bitter, so I printed off, signed and emailed him my resignation, suggesting we discuss my notice period tomorrow.

So that's it.... It's done. I've resigned after 5 years, 4 months. Wow. It's a shame as I really loved the company and some of the people are amazing. Unfortunately the last 6 months have been really unhappy and whilst I am sad and if I'm honest, a little bit scared - I'm also really happy that I've taken the plunge. I'm also REALLY proud of myself that for the last 2 months, I've been healthy eating and have been taking care of myself. All of a sudden, my life looks quite different, but hopefully really good - More challenges, less politics and best of all, I get a break between jobs :-)

I had 'the conversation' with my amazing work colleague / friend and she took it really well - I was dreading telling her as she and the HR Consultant are the only people in the company who I will genuinely miss. Despite her being all lovely and supportive, I still feel guilty about leaving her, I know she'll be OK as she's awesome - I just hope none of the politics lands on her, now that I'm leaving.

Lunch was 'the usual' and the afternoon dragged again. I did manage to make myself mildly useful by replying to a few emails and also training my lovely colleague in something, but that was about it. Lovely work colleague is currently trying a new detox regime - She was only going to drink water for 10 days but said she had such little energy, she didn't think it was a good idea to continue, so she was only going to eat millet for 10 days, however after 3 days, she cracked and had some Oreos in the kitchen (Did you know they were vegan? I didn't until she told me....) It's funny, as I wouldn't have thought either of those diets were a good idea, however she is really, really slim and has a really amazing body - so compared to myself, I don't really think it's fair to judge :-)

Tonight I spoke to my Counsellor and as she was on holiday last week so it's been two weeks since I saw her. Sometimes, I feel as if we chat for an hour and nothing happens - Other times I feel there's a 'Eureka!' moment and I know why I do certain behaviours or react in a certain way to things. Tonight was quite productive as we were talking about my eating and why I react really defensively when someone comments about what I'm eating - I feel as if it's almost an attack on my person. 

If someone says 'You can't eat that, you're on a diet', I'll eat 5 of whatever it is, just to prove a point. Thinking back, I think it started when I was a child and my Father would say to me 'Do you think you need to eat so much?' I was a growing child! Looking back at photos, I wasn't even overweight when I was 9!

After I saw my Counsellor, I decided I'd grab something from Wagamamas so I didn't have to cook at home. Once again my brain kicked into 'Well, you resigned today so you can treat yourself', but no, I don't want to do that as that's another danger and I shouldn't need to reward myself with food. So despite being rather hungry and wanting to order loads of things, I went with the most healthy option which is still really nice - A chicken ramen. No sides, nor any puddings and guess what? I was rather full after eating it, anyway :-)

When I got home, a letter was waiting for me from my crazy Uncle and Aunt - That's a story and a half and if I wrote it here, it would be way too long! Needless to say, they still both seem absolutely crackers and still seem to believe all kinds of conspiracy theories, however I'm glad they have each other and still seem to be keeping each other company. 

Tomorrow night I'm seeing one of my friends and I believe we're going out for dinner as she's not said otherwise. I don't mind per se, but it's harder to keep track of what I'm putting in my body if I don't cook it myself and to be honest, after Wagamamas tonight, I'd be quite happy cooking an omelette or something at home, however it will be nice to see her :-)

Well, that's a bit of an anti climax

Today didn't really start off like I expected

Last night after I blogged: 1 large glass and 1 small glass of red wine

Breakfast: Oats so simple Golden Syrup porridge pot with blueberries

Lunch: Wholemeal pita bread, 1/2 a pot of houmous, raw pepper and handful of tomatoes

Dinner: BBQ Chicken breast with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber

Snack: Bakewell Tart nakd bar

Last night, my boyfriend and I went to a pub for a pint of diet coke, or in my case, a glass of red wine - a large glass of red wine, which turned into 1 large glass and 1 small glass of red wine. As I don't drink very often, I was rather drunk and after a nice 1.5 hours of chatting in the pub, he drove me home and I spent the next few minutes working out what I could eat as I had the munchies... 

I've been quite good in not having any chocolate in my house, so I'm not easily tempted to shove it all in my face - With that option unavailable to me, I did manage to find prawn crackers and frozen gyoza dumplings. 15 minutes later, I had 8 dumplings and some prawn crackers and was eating them with sweet chili sauce whilst watching 'Googlebox'. I then went to bed and slept for a few hours, before waking up in the middle of the night as my flea / mosquito bites were itching, scratching my leg, my leg bleeding and falling back to sleep...  I woke up this morning with dried blood on my leg - Lovely :-S

Do I regret eating more food than I needed? Not really, no - People do it when drunk and I'm human. The old me would have berated herself, felt like a failure and have thought 'Well, no point in continuing my healthy eating as the scales won't show a good number for ages, now.' and that would have usually signalled the end of my diet. The new me is looking at this a bit more pragmatically - Yeah, it wasn't ideal, but these things happen - It will happen again, I'm sure. I'm going to fancy a drink at some points in time and at some other points, I'm sure I'll get the munchies. I can't go back and change what I ate yesterday, but I can change what I eat today and as such, it will be back to normal with the healthy lifestyle :-)

I got into work really early this morning as I needed to print off, sign and scan in all the new job documents and there were quite a few. I wanted to do it early so no-one asked me what I was doing, nor managed to look at any of the documents. With that done, I emailed my Boss, asking him for a meeting as we usually have one on a Monday, anyway. Unfortunately, he emailed back and said it would be tight and could we have a phone call in the afternoon? Sure, I replied, but it would be good to talk to him today, whenever is best for him.

As it turns out, he arrived at work at 10:30 and suggested we have a quick catch up - As I wasn't mentally prepared, I rushed what I was trying to say which was basically 'Not happy, want to leave, please pay me money if you want my resignation now'.... 

I appreciate that some people might not agree with my approach. 'Why bother?' Just resign as you've got another job' and if I hadn't have been subjected to such horrible behavior over the last few months, that's exactly what I would do. However, I've worked my absolute butt off, over the last 5 years - I've opened offices overseas, undertaken office moves, sorted out things that weren't working on Bank Holidays, I was even running the company when my Boss's son sadly died last year - None of which was within my job description, but I did it as it was needed. So to witness my Boss have 'super secret' meetings to coach the woman I assume he's been sleeping with and take away various departments and responsibilities from me and give them to her, just isn't acceptable behavior. Being excluded from meetings I've attended for over 2.5 years without being told why, isn't acceptable and being pushed out from the company isn't acceptable.

So my plan is to see if I can get my Boss to pay me to resign. He doesn't know I have a job offer and as I have 10 days to accept it, I can play for time. Also, my mental health is a lot better knowing I won't be working here in a few weeks. So worst case = Boss says no to paying me, and I resign. Best case, Boss says yes to paying me and I resign. Either way, I'll be leaving soon. After I garbled my words out, my Boss asked for time to think about it, saying he didn't see the point of garden leave and he'd consider what I was asking and we'd talk again on Wednesday.....Watch this space!

Work was really, really, really... boring. I don't have a lot to do at the moment which is a rarity, but as such, I find it soul destroying to sit at my desk and not actually, well, work! I mostly emailed my friends and read online forums which isn't exactly good practice, but I've totally checked out of this job now, so it's just playing a bit of a waiting game. Thankfully I got to walk into town with my lovely work friend at lunch time, even if it was just to grab some salad bits for tonights dinner. 

After work, I headed back and marinated some chicken breasts in BBQ sauce for the makeshift BBQ I was planning to do with my Boyfriend, watched 'The Last Ship' (a post Zombie apololyptic drama, directed by Michael Bay so loads of things blow up) before heading over to my Boyfriends house. We sat in his garden, chatting, whilst the chicken cooked on the BBQ and I told him what had happened at work and how I can't wait to leave in a few weeks time. 

Dinner was really nice - I love BBQ's and anything marinated in BBQ sauce gets my vote instantly :-) Once finished, we headed inside and found something on TV that we could both watch 'Shed of the year', which is this weird program where people in the UK make crazy things out of their sheds - A Japanese Tea House, a World War 2 land Girls hut, a 1950's diner... Crazy stuff! We also cuddled a lot, which for me is really enjoyable as I've felt a lot closer to my boyfriend over the past few months - probably because he's been really supportive over my work stress. 

I'm now back home watching South Park and am looking forward to hopefully getting a really long sleep tonight as it seems to be a bit cooler? 

The weekend beckons

It's a lovely evening and it's going to be an even lovelier weekend

Breakfast: Quaker Oat so simple Caramel Porridge pot

Lunch: 1 Pita bread, 1/2 a pot of Moroccan topped houmous and 1 raw pepper

Dinner: BBQ chicken salad 

Snack: Nakd Bakewell Tart bar 

Today has been pretty awesome in a lot of ways. For the first time in ages, work actually went OK. I didn't get upset when I saw 'The woman' meeting with one of my business areas. Nor did I feel sick when I had a meeting with my Boss - in fact I was willing him to bring up the prospect of me leaving, however he didn't, so the meeting was very, weird.. as I've already mentally checked out of the company. Sitting in a room with him, talking to him about 'the next few months' when in my head I'm singing 'La la la, don't care, don't care.. I've got another job offer' was really surreal - However until I've got a contract in front of me, I need to play the game.

I wandered into town at lunch time on my own as sadly my lovely work colleague was on a training course - I felt so light, as if I didn't have the worries of yesterday. Rather than heading straight to Marks and Spencers, I actually wandered around a bit and decided to go into HMV and buy a new CD to listen to, when I drive to Wales tomorrow. I'm not a big fan of music, however I do like both classical music and also dance music (very different, I know). Driving 3 hours on the motorway isn't my idea of fun, so having a new CD to listen to should make the journey go quicker - I hope 'Now dance the best of Summer' lives up to its name!

I left work slightly early today as had a chiropractors appointment, unfortunately ever since the Take That gig at the 02, my back has been really painful. It's something that's been an issue since I was 18 but it's not that serious at the moment, apparently it's just muscle weakness. Every few months, something will trigger it and ever since I decided to see a chiropractor, things have got much better. Vera was lovely as per usual and 15 minutes later, I was already feeling a lot less stiff and my right hip wasn't hurting as much. 

After that I headed over to my friends house as I had an appointment for a facial and getting my nails done - I appreciate I must sound like I love myself so much with fake eyelashes, facials, manicures, however I think the photos I posted earlier today show that I'm really not a dolled up type of person, I'm just, well.. normal (at least I think I am, anyway). We had a nice catch up and after 1.5 hours, I headed home to make dinner - a really tasty BBQ chicken salad which I really enjoyed eating whilst watching more episodes of Hannibal (which is still really gruesome).

Tomorrow I'm heading to Wales to see my pregnant friend (the one who had the gastric band, lost 7 stone but has put on over 2 stone back on since the start of the year) and spend the weekend with her. She's a lovely person, but I wonder if she's actually addressed the reasons she was eating too much in the first place - I won't say anything as it's not my place and I don't know what's going on in her head, however if I can help or support her in any way, then I will. I don't know what we'll end up doing, but I'll take my laptop with me so I can write about our fun and (hopefully) nice weather :-)

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

I am so happy, life is great, things are finally working out

Let me set the scene for you, if I may - I'm sat in black jeans and a black shirt, in a posh boardroom and across from me sit three men in suits, with another man on the conference phone. The usual questions are asked - What do I know about the company? Why did I apply for the role? Can I talk through my CV? and then one chap asks me to explain 'Asymmetric encryption' to his Australian colleague, joking that 'He's from Australia, so he doesn't understand what it means'.... and I start with 'G'day mate' and then launch into the explanation.

That was me, yesterday at my interview - As I was working, I couldn't wear a full suit, so wore the closest thing to smart I could get away with, without making it too obvious. As I arrived at the interview company place, I felt so underdressed as there were literally hundreds of people in suits and the company building was just so.... corporate - A massive skyscraper, so posh, with proper security in the way of security guards, bag scanning machines - very different to the company I currently work at. 

I met the Guy I spoke to on the phone, and we went for a coffee - He took me up to the 20th floor and you could see out, all over London. We chatted for 30 minutes in a casual way and he was telling me about the role, the team, the culture and then he took me to another floor, where I met another 3 men, and spoke to another Guy on the phone. 

The next hour was a bit of a blur - I answered all the questions they asked, however when I left, I was wondering 'Was I too familiar?' (That's my nature, I'm really open and chatty) 'Did I answer the questions properly?' - I know I can be my own worst enemy sometimes, however I didn't get that sense of 'YES!' like I did, on the phone interviews. 

Heading back to work, I was conscious I'd been out the office for over 2 hours and whilst I'm not exactly enjoying work at the moment, I don't want to stoop low enough to take the mick, so decided not to go on the hunt for lunch, but get straight back to the office. Despite only eating porridge for breakfast, I didn't feel hungry at all and thought that as long as I drink enough water, I'll be OK until dinner time.

I left the London office at 5:30 and headed to Picadilly to grab some sushi for dinner and meet my Boyfriend as we were going to see 'Whose line is it anyway?' the most fantastic sketch show that used to be on TV in the 80's and 90's and something I used to love, even though I was quite young. They're currently doing some live shows in the Adelphi Theatre. I got to the Japan Center and went a bit crazy as by that time I was hungry - I bought a lot, way too much and once again, my eyes were far bigger than my stomach. Feeling smug, and really looking forward to stuffing sushi into my face, I found a nearby park and sat down, waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. 

He arrived half way through me eating my dinner and we were chatting about how hot it was, when I realised I had a missed call and text messages on my phone - Could this be the recruiter, giving me news about how my interview went today? The text message said: Imogen - Got some great news about Company' My first thought was 'What could that be? Do they like me but need me to talk to more people?' 'Do they think I'd be OK in a year but I'm too junior?' It's sad and a little frustrating that I seem to lack confidence that my first thought isn't 'I got the job!'

I phoned the recruiter back and nearly burst into tears - Apparently they loved me, they really want to offer me the position and despite the salary being capped, they've increased it as they were so impressed, so commuting into London won't eat up a lot of my wages. Also, as I was very passionate about maintaining a work / life balance, they want to discuss putting something in the contract about it, so I should be able to work from home at least one day a week. 

• Senior position in a company of over 35,000 people in over 100 countries
• Moving into a sector which will look amazing on my CV
• Working with really friendly and nice people
• Massive scope for job progression
• Noone looks like they're shagging each other.
• Chance to work at home sometimes
• Large increase in salary with 10-20% bonus, better pension and healthcare.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!! This is more than I could have ever hoped! My boyfriend was asking me if I was OK as I think I was just a bit shell shocked. I just wanted to cry and scream 'I can't be that useless if they want me!' My Boyfriend also said he was really proud of me and that I deserved it - I am so grateful to him for all the support he's given me over the last 3 months as he's listened to me cry and not telling me he's bored with me talking about work and how unhappy I was. All at once, it's like my life has taken a massive turn - In 6 months, we can look to get a mortgage and then look to have children as the maternity package sounds amazing. I can enjoy working again, I don't have to feel sick every morning, life is good!

We then went to see 'Whose Line is it anyway?' which just topped off the night. Clive Anderson, Greg Proops, Colin Mockery.... it was absolutely brilliant and I laughed more than I'd laughed in a long time.

I'm now at work, grinning like a Cheshire cat - the fact my Boss has rescheduled our catch up for today is now making me excited, rather than anxious as there's nothing he can do to me, now...  Any email I get? I don't care.. Any attitude I get from the woman my Boss is shagging? Ignored. I need to be slightly sensible and not get ahead of myself as I've not got any of the paperwork through yet, so until that happens, I'll tow the line and get on with things, however as soon as I've reviewed the contract, I'll be really happy.

The plan for today is to contact my Union - Now I've been with them for a month, I should be able to get legal advice on constructive dismissal and I'm determined not to let my Boss get away with his bullying attitude. I'll also be putting things in order and writing up a handover document so that I can leave as soon as possible :-)

Smelling nice and eating healthy

Isn’t it funny how a random act of kindness or thoughtfulness from someone can make such a difference to your day?

Monday is more than 50% over and as I’ve got a days holiday tomorrow, I’m already feeling positive that I can get through the next few days without feeling too stressed. Unfortunately my sleep was quite interrupted last night and when I woke at 4:00am this morning, I found myself going through different work scenarios in my head and imagining conversations with my Boss, where he was telling me I was useless and I was giving him loads of examples about why that wasn’t the case. After getting up at the normal time, I managed to resist the scales saying ‘Stand on me, stand on meeeeee’, so won’t know what I weigh until tomorrow, which is of course, the end of June. I’m hoping I’ve lost some more weight since the last weigh in, but if I haven’t, I still think I’ve done rather well this month.

Getting into work, I ate another pot of Caramel flavoured porridge (Sainsburys – Please stock up on the Golden Syrup ones again!) had a cup of tea, did some more job hunting and then got on with various figures, statistics and other fun things that I had on my ‘to do’ list. Whilst deeply emerged in spreadsheets and pivot tables, one of my colleagues came up and gave me a book to read – I don’t usually talk to him and we don’t really have any kind of work relationship, although we’re always polite to each other. He said he’d read it and thought I might like to read it as well, as it’s very similar to some other books we discussed over 6 months ago. It was a really small thing, but I felt so touched and almost grateful, that in this company, where some people still seem to be ignoring me, others are treating me like a human being.

Another thing that helped me get through the day was the fact that one of my eBay deliveries came today. It’s a small thing, but I’ve found the most amazing smelling body lotion that I just love – However as it’s Molton Brown it means it’s mega expensive, so I tend to buy 2 of the really small bottles as it lasts for ages and I can keep one on my desk and one in my handbag in ‘emergencies’. I don’t know why, but smelling nice really does seem to boost my happiness and smelling of ‘Japanese Orange’ is great. I tend to associate it with ‘Being a grown up’ as it’s quite a sophisticated smell – I can’t really describe it any other way, really, however sticking some on my arms and hands and typing away, smelling myself (oo-er missus!) made me quite happy.

As it’s a Monday, I should have had a meeting with my Boss, however by 1:15 he hadn’t tuned up and I was starving, so I left a post-it note on his desk and headed out to lunch with my lovely work friend and another work colleague who started a few months ago who sits on our bank of desks. We’d arranged to go to Wagamama’s and despite being really hungry, I opted for an incredibly healthy option – The chicken ramen, with 510 calories per portion and only 10g of fat. Lovely work friend suggested we get an outside table as the weather was amazing, so we sat in the sunshine, chatting for nearly an hour, eating some very nice food.

Getting back to the office, my Boss was at his desk and said he wanted to push our meeting back until Thursday – Not a problem at all! That gives me more time to get things done and means I don’t have to talk to him about stuff until after my interview on Wednesday. He then left the office at 2:30pm for a 7 hour ‘private meeting’ with the woman I suspect him of sleeping with, so it meant he wasn’t sitting next to me, making me nervous either :-)

I’m leaving the office now as I’m off to see my friend and get my eyelashes sorted – for the first two weeks they looked awesome and I was hardly ‘moulting’ at all. Unfortunately in the last week, loads of them have fallen out and now I look like I’ve got a few spiders hidden in my eyelids, with their long spindly legs poking out. It’s another thing that makes me feel good about myself and I think it really makes a difference to my appearance. I should get back by 8:30-9:00pm which is quite late to cook, so I’m going to default to my pita bread, houmous and a pepper for dinner. It’s almost as if my lunch and dinner have flipped places today…

Tomorrow is the end of June, so stayed tuned for the all important photo of my scales – Fingers crossed the number will be a good one! 

Never forget the positives

When things are stressful..... Keep on going.

I think most people are relieved that it’s Friday, however I’m so relieved it’s untrue.

Sitting at work, feeling like a leper each day is really getting to me and whilst I know I should think ‘Every day you’re paying me is one day closer to buying a house with my boyfriend’ and  ‘At least I have a job’, it’s so hard to actually pretend you’re happy when you hate every minute of it. In the last 5 years, I’ve always been so busy I’ve never noticed the time, I’ve never thought ‘Only 2 more hours until I’m at home’, yet at the moment I’m glancing at the clock every 10 minutes and calculating how long it is until I can leave for the day.

However, I know that this will change and I need to hold onto that fact. Rather than writing another 3 paragraphs about how awful work is, I won’t. I want to remind myself of what’s good in my life and why I’m not the incompetent, horrible person that I’m feeling people are thinking I am, at work.

1. I’ve got amazing friends – My friends have been amazing. They’ve sent me postcards, they’ve sent me texts, they’ve sent me funny Facebook messages and are all really supportive. I feel a lot less alone than I would if I was going through this on my own.

2. I’ve got amazing sisters – My sisters are all brilliant. I spoke to one of them yesterday on the phone and she said it was a shame I failed the interview on Wednesday, however ‘it’s all good practice and you’ll find something soon’

3. I’ve got the worlds best Boyfriend – Well, I think I do :-) He’s been absolutely fantastic in listening to me and saying I’m awesome. It’s really nice to hear someone telling you that you’re a good person and that you do a good job at work.

4. I’ve got an awesome CV – I’m only 33 and I’ve got a LOT of experience in my area.

5. I’ve got 1 face to face interview confirmed, another face to face interview to be scheduled and I’ve just had a phone call from another recruiter about another job – This is all really positive!

6. My healthy eating is going really well – Despite all of the stuff that’s going on in my life, I’m still managing to eat healthily. This is the first time I’ve EVER done this in my entire life.

7. I’ve got a great weekend planned with my boyfriend and my friend – we’re off to an antiques auction and then I’ve got a really fun day out planned with my friend and I’m looking forward to catching up with her.

8.I’m in good health – After my wisdom tooth operation in January, I’ve not really had any aches or pains as such. Once my job issues are sorted, life should be a lot better and I won’t have anything to worry about.

I know there are many more reasons, but those are the main ones for me at the moment. Additionally, throughout all the crap, my lovely vegan work friend is being amazing as per usual and no matter how much stress I get, she’s always there to go to lunch with and make a cup of tea with me, which I really appreciate.

So far my eating today has been pretty normal – Porridge for breakfast and I brought the other half of the pot of houmous in from home, as well as another pepper, pita bread and tomatoes. Tonight, my lovely work friend and I are going to a mutual friends house (she also used to work with us) and will hopefully sit out in her garden and have a couple of hours of catching up and ‘goss’. Apparently our mutual friend has brought chips as well as other vegan food, which is really kind of her, however when I read the sentence ‘I’ve also bought chips’ in a message, I started to panic a little bit. Not eaten since lunch time? Hungry by 6pm? Nice hot chips being offered to me? MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF WILLPOWER REQUIRED.

I have decided to be a bit smart and at lunch time, lovely work friend and I headed out into the sunshine and whilst she bought lunch and some nibbles for tonight, I decided I’d buy a ‘raw brownie’ to eat at 3pm, so I shouldn’t be too hungry by the time we reach our friends house and therefore I shouldn’t overeat as I’m really hungry. After getting food, we went and sat out in the local park which was really, really nice – not only because we weren’t in the office, but the sun was shining, the flowers looked beautiful and all my work issues seemed so small in comparison to ‘the rest of the world’. Having eaten the brownie, I have to say, it was ‘OK’, but nowhere near as good as the Bakewell Tart nakd bars, so I still remain a convert :-)

Thankfully the afternoon hasn’t gone too badly today and with less than 1.5 hours to go, I’m going to head off to a meeting  and hope it lasts for ages so I can walk out into the glorious sunshine and enjoy a couple of really awesome days.

Don't take the piss

My Emotions are up and down like a rollercoaster and it doesn't look like it's going to stop any time soon.

After the rather fraught day yesterday and the fact I didn't get offered the job, I managed to sleep slightly better and got up at my usual time of 7:15. I had a missed delivery from Royal Mail last week and didn't really have time to collect it before this morning, so headed over to the Post Office to pick up my parcel before heading to work - The oddest thing has been happening recently and I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to it or not, but it seems like a lot more men are opening doors for me and being generally, well... more nice. 

When I was heading to the Post Office, this bloke got to the door a good 5 seconds before me and rather than going in, he held it open and gestured for me to go before him. I'll say right here and now, I'm a feminist - I believe in equality between men and women and I'm more than capable of opening doors. However, I'm also a human being and as such, didn't want to offend him or be rude, so smiled and said 'Thank you ever so much' and went through - he was trying to be nice, so why say anything else? This seems to be happening more and more recently and I don't know if it's because I've been straightening my hair more and the sight of long, blonde hair is changing peoples actions, or is it because I'm losing weight? It will be interesting to see if it continues to happen...

My parcel was a rather nice black jumper from eBay, so I'm looking forward to wearing that in a months time - It fits perfectly at the moment and is really flattering.  Hopefully it won't be too big at Christmas time  :-) I headed into work with half the box of Bakewell Tart nakd bars that got delivered yesterday as my vegan work friend also really likes them and we agreed to split the box. Rather than just dump them on her desk, I thought I'd make a rather pretty 'heart shape' which she seemed to appreciate when she got into the office.

Work was rather boring until lunch time, then I decided I'd head home and work from home this afternoon as I had a telephone interview at 1:00pm. I grabbed some lunch from Marks and Spencers (my usual pita bread, houmous etc) and as soon as I got home, fired up my laptop and continued to work until 1:00pm. 

I've not worked from home in about 2 months and even though it's perfectly acceptable, I don't want to appear to take the piss. I also thought that as I had a telephone interview, it wasn't fair to go over my lunch hour by much as despite how horrible the company is at the moment, they are paying me to do a job and work for them. Equally, all the job interviews I've had to date - I've taken holiday. I've not 'been ill', I've never lied about where I was or what I was doing and more importantly, I still have my integrity. Work is crap, I hate it and I feel sick every day I have to go in - However I refuse to stoop to a low level of not working when I'm supposed to work as that's just, well... wrong?

The similarities between not taking the piss at work and not taking the piss when healthy eating has been the thought that's been dominating me for the past few hours. You know what's good for you, you know what's bad for you - You know if you eat 5 chocolate bars and crisps in a day, the chances of you losing weight is fairly slim. However, that's absolutely fine - Unless you're moaning to others about 'Why aren't you losing weight?' I've had it with ex work colleagues - They tell me they're on a diet, decide to go on a 'juice cleanse' or a have 10 slim fast shakes lined up on their desk and make a big song and dance about what they're doing. Then an email goes round about 'Birthday Cake in the kitchen' or 'Leftover Pizza to go to a good home' and they're the first ones literally running to grab a large slice. 

I used to be like this to a degree - Not regarding birthday cake at work, but in regards to kidding myself about what I was eating. I'd be dieting all day and then at night I'd eat a big bar of chocolate knowing that it was bad for me, but still stepping on the scales the next day believing there was still a small hope I may have lost weight. Oddly enough, I never did. 

I am not taking the piss when it comes to my work and I'm not taking the piss when it comes to my body - I'm still eating healthy food 3 times a day and it's working. I'm losing weight at a sensible rate. Looking to the future, I want to keep my integrity on both - Hopefully for all of my life. 

... Oh, and I think I aced another telephone interview - He said it would be 'disappointing' if I didn't come and work for him, so I'll wait and see on that one! 

I stepped on the scales again

At least my headache seems to be going

After a really nice night with my work friend where we made Vegan sushi, watched the last episode of Geordie Shore and the first 3 episodes of ‘Judge Geordie’ – where Viki Patterson (from Geordie Shore) goes around the UK, helping people by ‘judging’ their relationship problems (We loved it), I headed up to bed and tried to sleep. Unfortunately I slept really badly and kept waking, worrying about the fact I had my annual appraisal today with my Boss at lunch time.

I think I got about 2 hours sleep last night and when I finally managed to get to sleep – my alarm woke me up. Getting up, I had this massive sense of panic and felt completely useless about everything – my life, my job, my healthy eating… I even started worrying that my boyfriend was going to leave me. It’s not a normal feeling, but it felt so intense. I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t useless and decided to step onto the scales and see if my continued healthy eating had paid off.

The figure was lower and I felt a massive sense of relief – I’m not useless, I can do things right. However I then felt cross with myself as I’m depending on a plastic and metal calculator with batteries to provide some of my self worth. After putting my jeans on, I noticed I had to pull them up more, they appeared looser and when looking at myself in the mirror, I definitely think I’ve lost some of my ‘fat rolls’ around my waist. Wow. 93.9Kg. That’s 6Kg or 13.2 lbs – that’s so close to a stone and I’ve still got another week to go to achieve my desire weight loss target.

Getting into work, I did my normal routine – Porridge with blueberries with a nice cup of tea, job hunting online and replying to any emails that any of the overseas offices had sent overnight. The morning went quite slowly, although I was constantly aware of the time. It reached 12:00 and I started to feel sick, at 12:30, my Boss said ‘Right, appraisal time?’ and so it started….

Considering how I’d imagined it in my head for months, it wasn’t as bad as I had thought, however it wasn’t good. My 2 major failures are within 2 departments and whilst I can do good things, do exceptional work, support other areas – my failures outshadow any good things. One of my departments will be taken away from me so I can focus on the others (I have lots… I don’t think this is a good thing, more a curse) and my Boss needs to see results quickly. He wasn’t as horrible as he was a few months ago, when he sat me down on the 31^st March and said ‘I needed to reconsider my position at the company’, but he wasn’t happy with my performance….

Outcome: I’m not sacked.

Outcome: I feel really demotivated

I didn’t leave the meeting until after 1:30pm, so was really hungry for lunch. I headed into town straight away to clear my head and managed to effectively ‘sleep walk’ to Marks and Spencers to pick some things up. I actually think it’s a really positive thing that my default lunch options are healthy choices, even if they are a bit boring day after day.

Back in the office, I had more recruiter calls and I’ve now got another face to face interview set up for next Wednesday. I’ve also got another telephone interview so things seem to be moving in the right direction. Unlike things for my ‘Drama’ friend who sent me messages and screenshots of her conversation with one of the men off OK Cupid, berating the fact they were replying to her with one word answers… STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE, DRAMA FRIEND!

Tonight, I’ve got my counselling session and then I’m seeing my boyfriend and cooking myself a really nice dinner of ‘lightly smoked mackerel’, new potatoes and steamed vegetables. I don’t think I’ve ever done mackerel before, however it was reduced to £2 in Marks and Spencers so I thought I’d try it and also use up some of the vegetables that were delivered in my vegetable box last Friday. I’m then going to ‘prep’ for my SIX INTERVIEWS tomorrow in London – They start at 09:30 and finish at 16:00. I think I’m going to be knackered!

Mantra: I’m not sacked, I can still pay the bills and I WILL be leaving the company soon….