Rain, rain go away

A positive start to the week and another day of healthy eating

I think I'm already getting into a routine for work and I even slept well which is impressive considering I tend to wake earlier than my alarm as I'm always worried about 'not waking up in time' (God knows why.. my alarm is rather loud!). Routine in getting up... getting ready and now, routine in breakfast as once again it was a banana and a slice of malt loaf.

Looking out the window at the torrential rain made me feel quite lucky to be working in a rather swish office again. The happy feeling continued at lunch time when I got another salad - sadly there weren't any 'superfood' salads today, so I just went for a basic one which was still nice, just not as varied.. butterbeans.. chickpeas... a little bit of coleslaw.. It filled me up and I felt rather virtuous that once again I was choosing something healthy as opposed to a large sandwich, packet of crisps etc... 

The day got even better when, at 4pm, I heard that the tube strikes have been called off this week - Hurrah! :-) Bonus :-) Getting home was a bit wet, however thankfully I had my umbrella so managed to arrive home relatively unscathed.

For dinner I met one of my ex-work colleagues who I hadn't seen for a little while. She is lovely and is sadly one of the 5 people I had to get rid of about 7 months ago.... My ex company sucked in more ways than one. Thankfully she realised that it wasn't my call and we remained friends with no hard feelings. We met at Wagamamas and spent a good hour catching up whilst I munched on a chicken ramen and drank green tea. I can't say that a Chicken ramen is my favourite dish in the world, I actually prefer the Wagamama ramen, however the difference in both calories and fat is quite significant so I tend to try and stick to the healthiest option as much as possible - Plus.. it still tastes quite nice.

We then decided to go to Giraffe and have a quick 'mocktail'.. I had one with pineapple and coconut juice which was lovely - in some ways, actually nicer than some of the alcoholic cocktails I've tried recently.

By the time I got back home it was dark - The nights certainly seem to be drawing in and soon we'll no doubt all be wearing coats, hats and scarves but until then, I'll be happy to just sit on the sofa in my PJ's and watch TV :-)

Can you poach an egg?

I think I've eaten 'normally' today...

Breakfast: 2 poached eggs on 2 slices of toast

Lunch: Salted beef bagel

Dinner: Wagamamas beef massumum curry

Snacks: No snacks today

Today has been as crazy busy as Monday and Tuesday this week. I've just got back after spending over 13 hours away from the house and I'm KNACKERED.... 

I certainly think my body is un-learning how to get up at 7:00am every morning which is usually something that only happens at Christmas time. Getting up at 8:00am this morning was painful, however as I was seeing my Mother, it was something that had to be done. Shower... nice cup of tea and breakfast, which today was a couple of poached eggs on toast, rather than my porridge as I just fancied a change. No spread as once you've mashed the egg up, I don't think it needs it.

I always found the saying 'So and So is terrible at cooking, they can't even boil an egg' rather odd, as I find boiling (and poaching for that matter) an egg much harder than say, making a shepherds pie or even making a quiche / curry from scratch. Eggs seem to be a lot, well.. trickier? However, despite the technical difficulty that eggs present to me, I managed to handle it quite well and after munching both slices, headed off for a nice Mother-Daughter day.

After arriving at my parents house, I had a nice cup of tea with my Mum and admired her work in the garden. My Mother loves gardening, as do I - so she was very happy to show me around and talk about all the new flowers she's been putting in the boarders. Looking around, I heard a rustling in one of the flower beds and on closer inspection it turned out to be a HedgeHog! I'm not sure what Mr (or Ms!) Hedgehog was doing during the day time as I thought they were supposed to be asleep... However they looked in good health, so we left them alone in peace. My Mother was rather chuffed to know there was a Hedgehog in the garden as she loves animals like me :-)

Today, my Mother and I went to Great Chalfield Manor which was an absolutely beautiful National Trust property in Wiltshire. Neither myself or my Mother had ever been before so it was lovely to wander round the gardens and also have a guided tour of the house. It's the type of architecture I love - Gothic style :-) After a lovely couple of hours, we headed back into Devizes where we got some lunch at 'The Bistro'. I'd read some really good reviews on Trip Advisor, so wanted to see if they were true. I chose a salted beef bagel and my mother went for a chicken wrap - both were absolutely gorgeous and it was nice just sitting by the window, chatting and watching the world go by.

We did notice some amazing looking deserts walk past us, but both of us were feeling really full so decided not to partake.... After lunch, we went to a local antique auction house - I'd never been to this one before, but we saw the signs when we drove past, so thought we may as well go and have a look - bad mistake (or good, depending on how you look at it) as there are some really beautiful antiques in the form of Oak Coffers... My favourite! Currently I'm unsure as to whether to place an absent bid on them, only because I really don't have anywhere to put them.... but, but.. they're so nice!

My Mum asked if I could drive her to Lidl so she could pick up a few bits and bobs - I haven't been into Lidl for ages and I have to say, I was really impressed with the fruit and veg. I think it's just a familiarity thing that I always shop in Tescos / Sainsburys, even though there's a Lidl pretty close to where I live. I think the thing I was the most impressed with, is the fact that all the chicken had 'The red tractor assurance logo on it - and so did all the meat I saw. I like the fact that despite the difference in price, there still seems to be responsibility on farming animals, something I'm quite passionate about.

I think I might try and do my shopping at Lidl for the next few weeks and see how I get on - I think the only things I might need to go elsewhere for, are Cherry Pepsi max and potentially Dove deodorant and Heinz salad cream.. Those are probably the only brands that I'm really loyal to.. anything else, I'm happy to try :-) 

After getting back to my parents house, I headed off to see my Drama Friend. It was really nice to catch up and we went to Wagamamas for dinner. I decided to try something different, so went for the beef massumum curry. Not the most healthy choice, but I didn't have any sides, nor pudding, so... Yeah, it doesn't feel like I've been a total piggy. To be honest however, it wasn't actually that nice so I don't think I'd have it again - Maybe I'll try something different next time.....

Drama Friend is good - more drama with men, however she's actually decided to go and talk to someone as she has finally admitted that some of her stalking tendencies aren't necessarily healthy. This is a major breakthrough and I'm really chuffed she's going to talk to a professional. She has admitted that she doesn't trust men, and as such, checks what they are doing constantly... checks for texts every 2 minutes and see's when they have last logged onto dating sites - even if she's not that interested in them as she's already expecting them to lie to her.... I certainly don't know the root cause, but hopefully the counsellor will be able to help.

After we finished dinner, we headed to a local bar for a few drinks - I was on Diet Coke as was driving home, whereas she drank a lot of red wine as lived locally so could walk home. Come 10:00pm... I headed home as I was knackered and here I am... back home and all ready for bed :-)

Healthy Sashimi

4 days to go and counting

Breakfast: Oats so Simple Golden Syrup porridge pot

Lunch: Wagamama chicken ramen

Dinner: Cucumber sushi, salmon and beef sashimi, cooked prawns and egged sushi rice.

Snacks: No snacks today

Today was the last Monday I’ll ever spend in the office and so far, I’m not feeling any sadness at all. Once again, I’ve not had any work to do and as my Boss was sat next to me, I managed to find ‘stuff’ to do, which made it look like I wasn’t browsing random forums for most of the day. Whilst I have now concluded that I am, ‘officially bored of porridge’, I still have 5 pots of the stuff to use up, so had a pot for breakfast whilst talking to my lovely work colleague.

Last night, lovely work colleague and I went to the Cinema to watched ‘Ted 2’ – It was OK, a couple of funny ‘Heh’ moments in it, however I wouldn’t say it was an Oscar winning film by any standards. Lovely work colleague was telling me about a festival she went to and how she kissed her tattooist :-) Apparently it’s not going to go anywhere, but she seemed happy enough, so good for her, if you’re single, why not?

I don’t know if I’m unusual, however if my period is late, I always find that it’s heavier in general and sadly this month it looks like one of the SAW Horror films down there. Whilst I’m pretty un-phased about this, having had periods since I was 9 (If I have any daughters, it would be nice if they could start puberty later, I think starting so early was rather rubbish) the constant stomach ache has been rather unpleasant. 

In the ‘before time’, I’d usually console myself with chocolate or ‘treat’ myself to a takeaway as I was feeling a bit down in the dumps, however I’m still trying not to use food as an emotional crutch, so when I went to Wagamamas with my lovely work colleague and another work colleague (who is lovely, but we’re not as close) I stuck to ordering and eating my usual – the Chicken ramen dish which is one of the healthiest main dishes you can order.

After lunch, I took a quick detour so that I could grab a couple of things at Tescos, as I had another friend coming over after work and wanted to cook her some ‘Japanese awesomeness’ and with Japanese dishes, the fresher = the better. The rest of the afternoon was rather dull, so I made the time go faster by researching what my Boyfriend and I could do this weekend as we’re going away for a night…. Not that he knows where, as it’s still a secret :-) I found a Bee Farm nearby to where we’re staying and some really nice National Trust properties – so noted down the postcodes for Saturday and Sunday.

I left work at 4:30 as 'Why not?' and as soon as I got home, I started making the sushi rice as you need to let it stand for a minimum of 45 minutes before you can work with it. As my friend is also trying to eat healthy I thought I make her a sushi / sashimi dish with some extra rice and egg on the side. I kind of made it up as I went along, however I think it looks pretty awesome.

Tomorrow I'm working from home, so I plan to have a long lie in and then see how productive I can be tomorrow. As I'm officially still working, I'm mostly bound to my house and if any emails come in, I will of course, answer them.. However apart from that? Hrm.. I might try and sort out my kitchen cupboard which is rather crowded at the moment... Rock and Roll!

It's done... over.... finished.

No matter how much you control things, it never quite works out how you plan

Breakfast: Oats so simple Golden Syrup Porridge Pot with blueberries

Lunch: Wholemeal pita bread with houmous, handful of tomatoes and raw pepper

Dinner: Wagamama's chicken ramen

Snack: No snacks today :-)

After 'Red wine-gate' on Sunday night, yesterday night was much more normal and after dinner I didn't drink anything, meaning that I didn't get the munchies :-) I slept pretty well and certainly didn't want to get up this morning, which I can only think is a good thing. Despite thinking today would be just as dull as yesterday, my friend, the HR Contractor was in (she works at our company 1 day a week) so we were talking about all the office politics and what had been going on in the last few weeks as she'd been on holiday so we'd missed each other for a while.

Coming back to my desk, I got an email from my Boss, offering me an additional notice period with garden leave after I've handed stuff over, but saying he'd expect me to be around for meetings if needed. Cunning... very cunning...Whilst this might seem like a good thing, my new job starts in 6 weeks time and when I get my P45, my end date can't be later than my start date at the new company. I wasn't expecting that as a suggestion, but I guess I'm not a sociopath, so don't think of all these things :-) Either way, my main aim is to leave and look to the future, not be bitter, so I printed off, signed and emailed him my resignation, suggesting we discuss my notice period tomorrow.

So that's it.... It's done. I've resigned after 5 years, 4 months. Wow. It's a shame as I really loved the company and some of the people are amazing. Unfortunately the last 6 months have been really unhappy and whilst I am sad and if I'm honest, a little bit scared - I'm also really happy that I've taken the plunge. I'm also REALLY proud of myself that for the last 2 months, I've been healthy eating and have been taking care of myself. All of a sudden, my life looks quite different, but hopefully really good - More challenges, less politics and best of all, I get a break between jobs :-)

I had 'the conversation' with my amazing work colleague / friend and she took it really well - I was dreading telling her as she and the HR Consultant are the only people in the company who I will genuinely miss. Despite her being all lovely and supportive, I still feel guilty about leaving her, I know she'll be OK as she's awesome - I just hope none of the politics lands on her, now that I'm leaving.

Lunch was 'the usual' and the afternoon dragged again. I did manage to make myself mildly useful by replying to a few emails and also training my lovely colleague in something, but that was about it. Lovely work colleague is currently trying a new detox regime - She was only going to drink water for 10 days but said she had such little energy, she didn't think it was a good idea to continue, so she was only going to eat millet for 10 days, however after 3 days, she cracked and had some Oreos in the kitchen (Did you know they were vegan? I didn't until she told me....) It's funny, as I wouldn't have thought either of those diets were a good idea, however she is really, really slim and has a really amazing body - so compared to myself, I don't really think it's fair to judge :-)

Tonight I spoke to my Counsellor and as she was on holiday last week so it's been two weeks since I saw her. Sometimes, I feel as if we chat for an hour and nothing happens - Other times I feel there's a 'Eureka!' moment and I know why I do certain behaviours or react in a certain way to things. Tonight was quite productive as we were talking about my eating and why I react really defensively when someone comments about what I'm eating - I feel as if it's almost an attack on my person. 

If someone says 'You can't eat that, you're on a diet', I'll eat 5 of whatever it is, just to prove a point. Thinking back, I think it started when I was a child and my Father would say to me 'Do you think you need to eat so much?' I was a growing child! Looking back at photos, I wasn't even overweight when I was 9!

After I saw my Counsellor, I decided I'd grab something from Wagamamas so I didn't have to cook at home. Once again my brain kicked into 'Well, you resigned today so you can treat yourself', but no, I don't want to do that as that's another danger and I shouldn't need to reward myself with food. So despite being rather hungry and wanting to order loads of things, I went with the most healthy option which is still really nice - A chicken ramen. No sides, nor any puddings and guess what? I was rather full after eating it, anyway :-)

When I got home, a letter was waiting for me from my crazy Uncle and Aunt - That's a story and a half and if I wrote it here, it would be way too long! Needless to say, they still both seem absolutely crackers and still seem to believe all kinds of conspiracy theories, however I'm glad they have each other and still seem to be keeping each other company. 

Tomorrow night I'm seeing one of my friends and I believe we're going out for dinner as she's not said otherwise. I don't mind per se, but it's harder to keep track of what I'm putting in my body if I don't cook it myself and to be honest, after Wagamamas tonight, I'd be quite happy cooking an omelette or something at home, however it will be nice to see her :-)

Smelling nice and eating healthy

Isn’t it funny how a random act of kindness or thoughtfulness from someone can make such a difference to your day?

Monday is more than 50% over and as I’ve got a days holiday tomorrow, I’m already feeling positive that I can get through the next few days without feeling too stressed. Unfortunately my sleep was quite interrupted last night and when I woke at 4:00am this morning, I found myself going through different work scenarios in my head and imagining conversations with my Boss, where he was telling me I was useless and I was giving him loads of examples about why that wasn’t the case. After getting up at the normal time, I managed to resist the scales saying ‘Stand on me, stand on meeeeee’, so won’t know what I weigh until tomorrow, which is of course, the end of June. I’m hoping I’ve lost some more weight since the last weigh in, but if I haven’t, I still think I’ve done rather well this month.

Getting into work, I ate another pot of Caramel flavoured porridge (Sainsburys – Please stock up on the Golden Syrup ones again!) had a cup of tea, did some more job hunting and then got on with various figures, statistics and other fun things that I had on my ‘to do’ list. Whilst deeply emerged in spreadsheets and pivot tables, one of my colleagues came up and gave me a book to read – I don’t usually talk to him and we don’t really have any kind of work relationship, although we’re always polite to each other. He said he’d read it and thought I might like to read it as well, as it’s very similar to some other books we discussed over 6 months ago. It was a really small thing, but I felt so touched and almost grateful, that in this company, where some people still seem to be ignoring me, others are treating me like a human being.

Another thing that helped me get through the day was the fact that one of my eBay deliveries came today. It’s a small thing, but I’ve found the most amazing smelling body lotion that I just love – However as it’s Molton Brown it means it’s mega expensive, so I tend to buy 2 of the really small bottles as it lasts for ages and I can keep one on my desk and one in my handbag in ‘emergencies’. I don’t know why, but smelling nice really does seem to boost my happiness and smelling of ‘Japanese Orange’ is great. I tend to associate it with ‘Being a grown up’ as it’s quite a sophisticated smell – I can’t really describe it any other way, really, however sticking some on my arms and hands and typing away, smelling myself (oo-er missus!) made me quite happy.

As it’s a Monday, I should have had a meeting with my Boss, however by 1:15 he hadn’t tuned up and I was starving, so I left a post-it note on his desk and headed out to lunch with my lovely work friend and another work colleague who started a few months ago who sits on our bank of desks. We’d arranged to go to Wagamama’s and despite being really hungry, I opted for an incredibly healthy option – The chicken ramen, with 510 calories per portion and only 10g of fat. Lovely work friend suggested we get an outside table as the weather was amazing, so we sat in the sunshine, chatting for nearly an hour, eating some very nice food.

Getting back to the office, my Boss was at his desk and said he wanted to push our meeting back until Thursday – Not a problem at all! That gives me more time to get things done and means I don’t have to talk to him about stuff until after my interview on Wednesday. He then left the office at 2:30pm for a 7 hour ‘private meeting’ with the woman I suspect him of sleeping with, so it meant he wasn’t sitting next to me, making me nervous either :-)

I’m leaving the office now as I’m off to see my friend and get my eyelashes sorted – for the first two weeks they looked awesome and I was hardly ‘moulting’ at all. Unfortunately in the last week, loads of them have fallen out and now I look like I’ve got a few spiders hidden in my eyelids, with their long spindly legs poking out. It’s another thing that makes me feel good about myself and I think it really makes a difference to my appearance. I should get back by 8:30-9:00pm which is quite late to cook, so I’m going to default to my pita bread, houmous and a pepper for dinner. It’s almost as if my lunch and dinner have flipped places today…

Tomorrow is the end of June, so stayed tuned for the all important photo of my scales – Fingers crossed the number will be a good one! 

Ready for the weekend

Today has been almost as nice as yesterday

Yesterday I wasn't at work, I was enjoying myself at the Chelsea Flower Show with my Mum. Today I spent 8 hours at the Spa on my own and 2 of those hours were having an amazing facial and massage - Do I feel guilty? Nope.. and for the first time ever, it was like a proper 'reward' for me sticking to my healthy eating for the last 2.5 weeks. 

Even at lunch time, I didn't over-indulge - I went to the salad bar, got some tasty salad bits, but that was it... no cheese, no really fatty things and no pudding - I didn't even indulge in a cake! 

I then saw one of my friends for a gossip and dinner - once again, I tried to ensure I went somewhere that had a healthy option and as such, it was the staple 'Wagamama's' that won. I've found that the most healthy dish is the 'Chicken Ramen'. It's pretty filling so you don't need to have a side dish or pudding. It was yummy!

It was nice catching up, however it was also nice not feeling totally full or feeling guilty that I'd over-indulged. I think it's a common feeling for me and something I certainly need to work on - Guilt. Eating food shouldn't make you feel guilty, should it?

Work beckons tomorrow, however it's only for one day, so that shouldn't be too bad :-)

Roll on the weekend!