Eating healthily when you're mentally struggling

I'm still trying to get my head around the last few days

So, I'm still pregnant and I'm still upset / worried / anxious, however not as much as yesterday.

Friday was pretty good - I actually managed to get some sleep on Thursday night. I was working in the office in London so I grabbed some malt loaf from my kitchen and for breakfast had a small cup of tea and malt loaf. I don't know if people cut caffeine out completely, however I've cut down to 2 cups a day, which I don't think is too bad - especially as I don't drink coffee and am not drinking any Cherry Pepsi Max at all at the moment.

Work was pretty OK, the stuff I've been asked to do isn't hard, however as I'm currently sat on a bank of desks on my own (there aren't enough desks to go round so some of us have to hot desk) I was feeling a bit lonely when other members of the team were talking to each other and I was sat on my own - They didn't mean it maliciously at all (as they offered me coffee / tea whenever they were making any) but I think at the moment I'm just craving human contact. As such, for lunch I decided that rather than go to the work canteen, I'd get some fresh air and retraced the journey that my colleague had shown me last week and went to the Japanese kitchen. I wasn't feeling too adventurous, so just opted for the same as last time - Salmon donburi with brown rice and puy lentils with a side order of chilli squid.

It tasted absolutely lovely, however it was too much food so I didn't manage to eat it all which isn't usually a problem, however my company don't have 'normal' bins, so you are forced to divide everything up into food waste / paper / packaging recycling... which meant I had to tip the uneaten food into one and the packaging into another!

After work, I headed straight back on the train, got into my car and drove to meet my Gastric Bypass Friend which was lovely as I hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks. We were going to go to Wagamamas, however it was actually really busy, so in the end we went to Strada instead. As I'd read that you're supposed to get loads of iron in your diet when you're pregnant, I decided I'd eat a steak - It was lovely :-) No pudding or anything else in the restaurant, however afterwards we went to a bar to get a drink and I got a pineapple mocktail. Yum! 

Then things went slightly downhill as I was driving back home as all the 'bad' thoughts started entering my head.... How was I going to cope with sleepless nights? How could I cope with losing my friends as none of them have children? (and that's what seems to happen) how can I deal with actually being a 'Mother'.. is my relationship going to survive? I felt totally desperate and ended up phoning my boyfriend and telling him I was thinking of having a termination. He was lovely, we just talked and he said that it was entirely my decision.... I love the fact he doesn't try and pressure me into anything...

This morning I felt a bit better, but still 'sad'. and then I felt guilty for feeling sad and worried as surely everyone's happy when they find out they're pregnant? Especially if they've been trying for it to happen? My boyfriend picked me up at 09:00 and we went to Marks and Spencers to get some breakfast and to buy some clothes to Mexico as we're off on Thursday! In the Cafe I felt really, really teary and deliberately didn't walk through the baby section as we were walking there.... I ordered a 'smoked salmon and egg bloomer' and decided on some orange juice as I'd already had a cup of tea in the morning.. It was really nice, however it felt weird that the bread wasn't toasted.

After M&S, we headed down to Wiltshire to see my Dad - something I was feeling a bit anxious about after 'text-gate', however it actually went really well, far better than I expected. We went to a farm shop and then across the road to a pub which was lovely. For lunch I had a cheese ploughman's, however only ate one slice of the bread and half of the cheese as it was literally a massive chunk as big as my hand!Too much cheese and bread for me :-(

After lunch, we headed back home and my Dad drove us in his 4x4 to a place I used to go as a child and as it was a lovely day, it was really nice to just remember all the happy times that I used to have with my sisters, Granny and Aunt. All in all, it was a lovely day and spending 4 hours with my Father is the longest I've spent with him for ages.... He didn't say anything horrible, I didn't either... it was just nice.

My boyfriend and I are now at home (my house tonight) watching 'Last Night of the proms' and he's sat on the sofa whilst I'm blogging :-) For dinner we had more steak (I think that's enough red meat for a while) with spinach, home made cajun sweet potato chips and steamed carrots. It was absolutely lovely, but I struggled to eat the steak so gave 1/3rd of it to my boyfriend :-)

At the moment I'm feeling OK - I still have time to decide what to do and visiting the midwife on Thursday really helped. I also think my head is finally getting used to the idea, however the worries, anxieties and unhappiness haven't subsided, I'm trying to take one day at a time, but it's just very hard as that's not usually me.

On Monday night I'm seeing two of my sisters and I'm really looking forward to that - they're always very supportive and I know they'll help me to figure things out.

Rain, rain go away

A positive start to the week and another day of healthy eating

I think I'm already getting into a routine for work and I even slept well which is impressive considering I tend to wake earlier than my alarm as I'm always worried about 'not waking up in time' (God knows why.. my alarm is rather loud!). Routine in getting up... getting ready and now, routine in breakfast as once again it was a banana and a slice of malt loaf.

Looking out the window at the torrential rain made me feel quite lucky to be working in a rather swish office again. The happy feeling continued at lunch time when I got another salad - sadly there weren't any 'superfood' salads today, so I just went for a basic one which was still nice, just not as varied.. butterbeans.. chickpeas... a little bit of coleslaw.. It filled me up and I felt rather virtuous that once again I was choosing something healthy as opposed to a large sandwich, packet of crisps etc... 

The day got even better when, at 4pm, I heard that the tube strikes have been called off this week - Hurrah! :-) Bonus :-) Getting home was a bit wet, however thankfully I had my umbrella so managed to arrive home relatively unscathed.

For dinner I met one of my ex-work colleagues who I hadn't seen for a little while. She is lovely and is sadly one of the 5 people I had to get rid of about 7 months ago.... My ex company sucked in more ways than one. Thankfully she realised that it wasn't my call and we remained friends with no hard feelings. We met at Wagamamas and spent a good hour catching up whilst I munched on a chicken ramen and drank green tea. I can't say that a Chicken ramen is my favourite dish in the world, I actually prefer the Wagamama ramen, however the difference in both calories and fat is quite significant so I tend to try and stick to the healthiest option as much as possible - Plus.. it still tastes quite nice.

We then decided to go to Giraffe and have a quick 'mocktail'.. I had one with pineapple and coconut juice which was lovely - in some ways, actually nicer than some of the alcoholic cocktails I've tried recently.

By the time I got back home it was dark - The nights certainly seem to be drawing in and soon we'll no doubt all be wearing coats, hats and scarves but until then, I'll be happy to just sit on the sofa in my PJ's and watch TV :-)