My weight graph

Sometimes a visual aid can help quite a lot.

In terms of healthy eating, today has been great - at the end of this week I'll have been healthy eating for 3 weeks and at the moment, I'm still feeling incredibly motivated and still want to reach my goal of size 14 trousers by Christmas.

Breakfast was malt loaf and a banana - My penultimate breakfast as I only have one banana left and after that, I'm thinking I'll switch to something else so I don't get bored :-) Lunch was a really nice BBQ chicken and bacon salad - I only needed one of the 'Be good to yourself' rashers of bacon to make it taste really nice (1.2g of fat and 65 calories per slice) which was a cunning plan indeed.... I also added approx 35g of cheese which made it taste AMAZING - You don't actually need a lot of cheese to create something that feels really luxurious but isn't too unhealthy for you..

Working from home, I had a few moments in the afternoon to faff around on my laptop as I was on a conference call where I didn't need to input anything. Whilst sorting out some of my folders, I came across my weight tracker that I started in January 2015. This was my 'last' attempt at weight loss which lasted 3 months before I gave up, got in a negative thought cycle and ate crap for a few months until I started this blog.

Since I had a few moments, I updated the graph with the results I have posted in my weigh-ins page and this is what it has looked like this year.

Considering how bad I've felt for the last few weeks about 'pigging out' on my garden leave, I'm actually pretty chuffed about the downward trend. You can see I started off at 104Kg on 2nd January 2015 and in July I was 91Kg - 13Kg lost? That's rather spiffing :-) 

You can also see where my weight went back up after my 3 month 'Sod it, I've broken my diet so I'll just eat crap again' mindset - However in less than 3 months, I had decided to start this blog and get back into the healthy eating mindset. 

I've not weighed myself for the last 6 weeks, but I plan to do so at the end of this month. I'd really like to see a figure under 91Kg, however even if it's more, there's no way it will be a lot more (in my opinion) and I can get cracking on seeing 'eight something' on the scales before too long.

That makes me feel really good about myself - it also goes to demonstrate that one meal, or even one day or a whole blinking week doesn't make a difference in the 'overall life plan' and that I really shouldn't be so controlling in regards to what I eat. However I find it really hard to practice what I preach.

The rest of the day went quite well and was quite productive - after work I went to see my beautician friend who gave me a lovely facial and waxed my eyebrows (ouch!). Despite it now being after normal work hours I actually have a conference call with America in a few minutes which should be interesting as it's providing guidance to people in America about something I know but haven't ever actually done... I'm actually slightly nervous as it's incredibly Senior people so I don't want to cock it up or come across as an idiot.... Fingers crossed it goes well :-)

Dinner tonight was a bit of an odd one - I decided to 'slum' it a bit and get some ready made carrot and swede mash from Sainsburys with some broccoli. I know it sounds a bit weird, but I wanted something filling as it's getting colder outside and for the last few days I've not only been wearing a jumper inside but also fluffy slippers as my feet are constantly cold.

I'm really looking forward to the end of the week - not only because it's been a lot more mentally challenging than last week but also because on Saturday morning I can pee on a stick and find out whether or not my life will drastically change in 9 months time... This will be... interesting!

First July weigh in - More weight lost

Not only is it Friday, but I weigh less than I did a week ago

I’m aware that my weight loss blog is more of an Eastenders plot line at times than a healthy food blog, however I’ve noticed I tend to gravitate towards drama, preferring to be on the outskirts than have it in my life as a focal point. I think that’s why I like watching trashy TV such as ‘Geordie Shore’ and ‘The Valleys’ and all the incredibly factual and interesting Channel 5 documentaries, that obviously deal with profound social issues, e.g. ‘The woman who married the Eifel Tower’ in a caring and socially responsible manner (Take the last sentence with a very heavy dose of sarcasm!).  Tonight will be no different as I’m going to see my Drama friend, who will no doubt tell me about her latest man problem as well as how’s she getting on at her new job.

Despite my future being more secure, I didn’t sleep very well last night and I assume that’s because I knew I was in the office today, trying to find things to do for 8 hours. How people can deal with no being busy is beyond me, it seems like the most soul destroying thing ever, more so if you haven’t slept very well! Since I got the job offer my desire to step on the scales has subsided – almost as if I don’t need to control that aspect of my life as tightly as other parts of my life aren’t as chaotic as before. Nevertheless, I thought I’d step on the scales today and see what they said – Before I did, I had an internal dialogue with myself.

Your period was due yesterday, it’s not here yet which suggests you’ll still be more bloated and are retaining more water than usual

'What if I am? It’s not a big deal'

What will you do if you don’t see the number you want? Are you going to be upset?

'No, I won’t.. If the number isn’t what I want, I don’t care, I’ll carry on regardless.'

I think that’s the right attitude and one I’m still fighting – the ‘I’ll carry on regardless’ attitude as my body isn’t 100% predictable and this isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.

Crikey, that’s rather spiffing. I’m well happy with that! So, I’ve now gone from 99.9K to 91.0Kg which takes my total weight lost to 8.9Kg or 19.6lbs or… 1 stone and 5.6 lbs :-) That’s despite ‘red wine gate’ which proves once again, I need to try and relax my anxiety around binge eating and if it happens, accept it and just continue to make healthy choices the next day, and the day after that – It won’t undo all my hard work and it’s not the end of the world if I eat something unhealthy. I even had a pizza on Wednesday and a hot chocolate – and I’m still losing weight, so I definitely need to continue to try and sort my thinking out and not be too hard on myself.

So far today, work hasn’t been too bad as there doesn’t seem to be that many people in, which is good. A lot of the Senior people don’t seem to be around, so I’ve been left to my own devices and don’t have to appear busy or pretend that I’m actually doing work… At lunch time, my lovely work friend and I decided that rather than visit ASDA, we’d go even more crazy and try the nearest Co-op instead (Rock and Roll) so we headed out at midday and explored what healthy (and in her case, vegan) things we could find at the Co-op.

Well, my lovely friend was happy as they had her vegan 'Tuti Fruiti' doughnuts, so she grabbed some of them whilst I had a look at what I could find that was healthy. I have to say, I wasn't overly enthused with the healthy options when it came to lunch time. Out of all the sandwiches and wraps, there was a 'Beef burrito' wrap that seemed OK on the calorie and fat numbers, however it was tiny. Apart from that, I could have had a prawn mayonnaise sandwich, but, well.. I'm not overly keen on mayonnaise. 

Rather than default to my usual lunch time food and run to the houmous pots, I decided I'd go 'low carb' for a change and bought some meat and eggs. Unlike the other supermarkets - rather than just buy boiled eggs, the Co-op offered me two boiled eggs with some mustard mayonnaise on the side. Can't say I'm overly keen on that, but hey.. I didn't have to eat it :-)

Would I buy that again? If I had to shop at the Co-op, then maybe. I think the problem is, I don't usually shop at these shops, so knowing what they sell and being able to choose something quickly is much harder as I don't know what's healthy for me 'Off the top of my head'. I can't say I'd want to eat meat and boiled eggs every day, however - It's not the most healthy thing in the world and I actually prefer the idea of getting vitamins into my body - hence the raw pepper, the cucumber and tomato choices which I eat with houmous.

I'm blogging now as I don't know what I'm going to eat with my Drama Friend tonight. I don't know if we're going out or she's cooking, or what's happening - I'll update tomorrow with my food choices, however wherever we go, I'll do my best to make my choice a healthy and tasty one!

End of June

I felt very nervous stepping on the scales this morning

Despite having an interview at lunch time today, I actually slept OK, only waking at 4:50am, so had managed to get about 6 hours of sleep - Not amazing, but certainly better than the last time I had an interview. I had been quite sensible last night and got my outfit ready for today - a combination of smart black jeans and a shirt. Normally I'd wear a suit to an interview, but as I'm working today, I need to be clever as we operate a casual dress code and if I came to work in a suit, everyone would notice something was happening straight away.

OK... Here we go:

Wow and wow. I stepped onto the scales 3 times as I wasn't sure they were accurate (I really think they're a rough guide as they seem to change a lot) but the same number was staring back at me each time. This brings my weight loss to exactly 7Kg, or 1 stone, 1.5 lbs in 2 months. Am I happy with this? Absolutely. I'm really happy as the number is going in the right direction, e.g. down! 

I'm now in the London office and it's really quiet. I'm hoping it stays like this and I can get my head down and do some work before heading out at lunch time. Despite it professing to be 'The hottest day of the year' I seem to be doing OK at the moment and am neither too sweaty, nor too hot. I''m hoping this can continue so that I look acceptable at lunch time :-)

So how has June been for me? Pretty good in regards to my healthy eating and weight loss, I think. In June, I:

1. Went on holiday and ate out 3 days in a row, one day included eating out a lunch time as well.

2. Ate macaroons and other things at the BBC Good Food Show

3. Ate crisps and potato wedges at my friends house for dinner

4. Only managed to go to the gym once in the last month which is pretty crap for me and I want to try and do better

So, despite doing the things above, I have managed to lose more than half a stone - I think it's important for me to continue to get it into my head that eating badly or not as healthy as I could for one day, won't make a massive difference, it really is the long term goal and as long as I'm eating well and making the right healthy choices most of the time, there shouldn't be an issue. I mean, I even managed to lose weight when I was on holiday because I was making the right choices when in restaurants and I think that's the thing I'm most proud of this month.

I'm also proud of the fact I really have made a massive effort to eat less processed food and this goal has certainly been achieved. My staple lunch of 'Pitta bread, houmous, tomatoes and raw pepper' has worked out pretty well for me and I'm also making dishes I've never made before, like broad bean houmous or healthy moussaka involving the Devils food of aubergines. 

Despite all the crap with my work, I've not turned to food as a comfort and this is honestly the first time in my life I've been able to cope without my BBQ Rack of ribs, bottle of wine and massive chocolate bars each night. Want to know something even more weird? Most of the time, I don't miss that food at all! I've been trying to eat 3 meals a day and not snack between meals unless I feel genuinely hungry. 

My goals for July are:

1. Do more exercise. I'd like to try and exercise at least once a week, just to keep my general fitness levels up.

2. Continue to eat less processed food as much as possible and cook more.

3. Drink more water - Most of the fluid I take into my body is tea, diet coke or Cherry Pepsi Max. Now I KNOW I won't be giving up Cherry Pepsi Max as I love it and don't care if it's unhealthy (I'm human, we all have our addictions) but drinking more water and cutting back on tea and diet coke can hardly be a bad thing.

4. Focusing on portion size - I DEFINITELY give myself huge portions and if I listen to my body properly, I throw a lot of my food away as I'm already full. 

I don't want to add any more goals as I need the head space to deal with work stuff and I want to make small changes each month so they feel achievable. I'm looking forward to what July has to offer and am still really motivated to continue my healthy eating journey and stop using food as an emotional crutch :-)

The comments have started...

'Have you lost weight?'

Is something that some people may wish to hear, however I find it really hard to deal with that question. When I was 19 stone, noone ever said to me 'Have you put on weight?' or pointed out the fact that my trousers were incredibly tight and my shirts were bulging at the front. However when I lose weight, a lot of my family / friends or colleagues will ask me if I've lost weight. As I'm not advertising the fact and noone in real life (apart from my Boyfriend) knows that I'm actively healthy eating and changing my lifestyle, noone really shows any interest in my eating habits UNTIL they notice I'm losing weight.

Tonight I went to see my friend in Twickenham and she redid my eyelashes. I'm now in possession of awesome lashes, but also some mango and sticky rice which she kindly gave to me - I went to Thailand last year which was utterly amazing and one of the deserts I had was mango and sticky rice. As my friend is from Hong Kong, she's had the mango desert a number of times and knows where to find it in the UK, so she kindly gave me a portion. I really appreciate her making the effort, however there was part of me thinking 'Argh! More food!' However it's now safely in the freezer and can stay there until I feel like eating it :-) 

Half way through the 'procedure' she commented on my shape and said it looked like I had lost weight. I went for the half-hearted 'Yeah, maybe, can't say I've been weighing myself' comment which didn't deter her from asking me about my eating habits and what I've been up to recently. Thing is, she's incredibly slim - A size 6/8 maybe, so it's not as if she'd want eating habits from someone who is twice her size! It's funny, how some people always want to know what you've been doing to lose weight, as if you're a weight-loss guru or something.

When she had finished, she showed me to her garden and asked my advice on something - It turns out that an injured Magpie had been in her garden for 3 days and she had been feeding it bread and water but it couldn't fly. She asked me what she should do with it and I suggested calling the RSPB - However, when Googling them, it turns out they're just a charity apparently and actually, it's the RSPCA you should call. As she'd kept the bird alive for 3 days, I suggested giving them a ring as birds usually die within 24 hours if they're badly injured and this one was incredibly perky however seemed to have an injured wing, poor thing. 

I also suggested potentially putting it in a box, inside - as there's no guarantee a cat wouldn't come in the garden and eat it, however suggested asking the RSPCA for guidance first. 

I managed to get back home for 8:30pm and my Boyfriend texted me, saying he'd picked up all my 'winnings' from the auction we went to on Saturday. Behold! My amazing new antiques! I appreciate they're not to everyones taste, however I really like gothic stuff and I was thinking of getting the mirror restored and having it in the hallway - Oh, not that I have a hallway at the moment, but in the house we're going to buy next year :-) I also have 2 camphor wood chests at the moment as well, so this one makes 3 - I think I'll put this one inside the other ones, like a set of Russian Dolls.... 

My mum texted me half an hour ago and told me she's on her way down to my house, so we can leave early tomorrow for an incredibly fun day out. I really enjoyed spending the day with her at the Chelsea Flower Show last month, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be just as fun. It's apparently going to be really hot, so I'm going to ensure I've got a lot of water, sun cream and potentially even a hat so I don't get burnt - and most importantly, I'll make sure I have some healthy food at hand so I'm not tempted to eat rubbish. If my Mum wants a cream tea or some cakes, then I'll gladly buy them for her, but I'm going to save 'treats' for when I get a job offer as I think that's a nice thing to celebrate.

I stepped on the scales again

At least my headache seems to be going

After a really nice night with my work friend where we made Vegan sushi, watched the last episode of Geordie Shore and the first 3 episodes of ‘Judge Geordie’ – where Viki Patterson (from Geordie Shore) goes around the UK, helping people by ‘judging’ their relationship problems (We loved it), I headed up to bed and tried to sleep. Unfortunately I slept really badly and kept waking, worrying about the fact I had my annual appraisal today with my Boss at lunch time.

I think I got about 2 hours sleep last night and when I finally managed to get to sleep – my alarm woke me up. Getting up, I had this massive sense of panic and felt completely useless about everything – my life, my job, my healthy eating… I even started worrying that my boyfriend was going to leave me. It’s not a normal feeling, but it felt so intense. I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t useless and decided to step onto the scales and see if my continued healthy eating had paid off.

The figure was lower and I felt a massive sense of relief – I’m not useless, I can do things right. However I then felt cross with myself as I’m depending on a plastic and metal calculator with batteries to provide some of my self worth. After putting my jeans on, I noticed I had to pull them up more, they appeared looser and when looking at myself in the mirror, I definitely think I’ve lost some of my ‘fat rolls’ around my waist. Wow. 93.9Kg. That’s 6Kg or 13.2 lbs – that’s so close to a stone and I’ve still got another week to go to achieve my desire weight loss target.

Getting into work, I did my normal routine – Porridge with blueberries with a nice cup of tea, job hunting online and replying to any emails that any of the overseas offices had sent overnight. The morning went quite slowly, although I was constantly aware of the time. It reached 12:00 and I started to feel sick, at 12:30, my Boss said ‘Right, appraisal time?’ and so it started….

Considering how I’d imagined it in my head for months, it wasn’t as bad as I had thought, however it wasn’t good. My 2 major failures are within 2 departments and whilst I can do good things, do exceptional work, support other areas – my failures outshadow any good things. One of my departments will be taken away from me so I can focus on the others (I have lots… I don’t think this is a good thing, more a curse) and my Boss needs to see results quickly. He wasn’t as horrible as he was a few months ago, when he sat me down on the 31^st March and said ‘I needed to reconsider my position at the company’, but he wasn’t happy with my performance….

Outcome: I’m not sacked.

Outcome: I feel really demotivated

I didn’t leave the meeting until after 1:30pm, so was really hungry for lunch. I headed into town straight away to clear my head and managed to effectively ‘sleep walk’ to Marks and Spencers to pick some things up. I actually think it’s a really positive thing that my default lunch options are healthy choices, even if they are a bit boring day after day.

Back in the office, I had more recruiter calls and I’ve now got another face to face interview set up for next Wednesday. I’ve also got another telephone interview so things seem to be moving in the right direction. Unlike things for my ‘Drama’ friend who sent me messages and screenshots of her conversation with one of the men off OK Cupid, berating the fact they were replying to her with one word answers… STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE, DRAMA FRIEND!

Tonight, I’ve got my counselling session and then I’m seeing my boyfriend and cooking myself a really nice dinner of ‘lightly smoked mackerel’, new potatoes and steamed vegetables. I don’t think I’ve ever done mackerel before, however it was reduced to £2 in Marks and Spencers so I thought I’d try it and also use up some of the vegetables that were delivered in my vegetable box last Friday. I’m then going to ‘prep’ for my SIX INTERVIEWS tomorrow in London – They start at 09:30 and finish at 16:00. I think I’m going to be knackered!

Mantra: I’m not sacked, I can still pay the bills and I WILL be leaving the company soon…. 

Mid June weigh in

'I have no idea if I'm going to lose any weight this week'....

... were my thoughts as I stepped onto the scales this morning.

Wow. That's, like totally awesome and a little worrying - Whilst it's a lovely number, that's a large amount lost in just one week. In fact, in one week, that's another 1.4Kg lost and brings my weight loss to a rather nice 5.3Kg or 11.6lbs - Certainly heading towards a stone! 

As I'm only exercising once a week, I'm  not counting calories and am just trying to make healthy choices most of the time. I'd expect to lose approximately 1lb a week so I'm a bit worried about the number, rather than ecstatic as I want my weight loss to be slow and steady. The scales aren't great, so I did try jumping on them on and off 3 times, but the number remained the same. This could be a number of things, but one thing I don't want to do is starve myself or get obsessed with numbers, so I'm going to continue eating 3 healthy meals a day and see how the next 2 weeks go. 

Thinking to the end of the month, I'd like to lose at least another 2lbs so that I can smash the 'one stone' mark soon after that, however *taps head* it's not the number on the scales that matters overall - It's how I feel and what I'm putting in my body.

Right. I know what to do... I'm going to keep going and I'm NOT going to step on the scales again until the end of the month... Tuesday 30th June will be the next weigh in :-)

Post holiday weigh in

I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to resist

Part of me was really worried, as despite making sensible choices when on holiday, I wasn't sure if I was really focused on my portion control and despite not indulging in any puddings or cakes, I was stealing a corner off of millionaires shortbread off my boyfriend, or a mouthful of his chocolate flapjack.

I was also worried as I'm back at work today (in the office now, thankfully I don't officially start for another 20 minutes) so if I'd seen a huge number on my scales, I'd have felt really frustrated and that would definitely have impacted my mood.

I have to say, I'm really chuffed with the result.

That's another 0.7Kg (1.5lbs) lost since May 30th which isn't the most amazing amount ever, but that's a solid loss and I'm really happy with that. I'm also excited about seeing the new number: 95 on the scales! 

So in total, I've lost 3.9Kg, or 8 1/2 lbs - In a few weeks, I'm hoping I'll be saying I've lost a stone and then I'll do another 'underwear' shot and see if I can see a physical difference.

When the scales don't show you what you want

I know I've been staying on track with healthy eating, so why are the scales against me?

Having been on numerous 'diets' over the years, the one thing that I struggle

with massively, is when I step on the scales after being 'good' for a few weeks and the scales show that I've not lost any weight. I mean, how is that physically possible? If you expend more calories than you ingest - surely the only figure you should see on the scales is less than the one you did before?

This usually de-motivates me and I turn to food as I feel unhappy and a failure - however, this morning is yet another reason why I need to stop doing that.

Sunday morning - lovely sunny day, I'm seeing my sister and my lovely baby niece this morning so I get up and have a shower, listening to the birds tweeting in the garden. I'm feeling good.. I went on a long walk yesterday, ate healthy and I'm not at work for another 2 days - everything is great with the world!

Then I see the scales by the bath and think 'Why not? OK, I said I wouldn't weigh myself until the end of the month, but I've been really focussed the last few days so I should see a different figure'....

So I step on them.

They show 98.3Kg 

0.6Kg MORE than they did a week ago - yet I've not pigged out AT ALL... I've been really motivated to stay on track.

Immediately I start thinking 'This is stupid, I may have to starve myself to lose weight, sod it.. I may as well just eat what I want as it never works' and my usual thought process starts - my mood totally changes, I feel like a failure and stupid.

After 10 minutes of being seriously annoyed, I wonder if the last 10 minutes of pacing around has changed anything, so I step on the scales AGAIN, as if to face the figure properly as I couldn't actually face it last time.

They show 97.2Kg.

Seriously? What the Hell? In 10 minutes, I've lost 1Kg? over 2 lbs?

I step on the scales another 3 times in succession and I still see 97.2Kg - My mood lifts and I feel happier.

However, this just goes to show how ridiculous it is to just trust the scales - I felt my jeans were a bit loser, I can now wear all of my size 16 jeans and some are more lose than they were before, I thought I could tell a slightly difference in the mirror and I definitely feel so much better than I did 3 weeks ago. 

It also shows that the scales really aren't accurate - I mean, I have no idea why they showed 2 different weights really quickly, did I step on them wrongly? (I mean, how many ways can you step on them?) did it calibrate wrongly? (I doubt it, it's hardly a complex program) So I really don't know....

The scales really aren't the best way of checking progress and it shows that I've still not been able to change my mindset completely and I'm still focussed on numbers, when I should be focussed on feelings and the healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life.

Weigh in time...

I need to make sure that the scales don't rule my life

It's been over a week since I weighed myself and after 2.5 months of 'ignoring' the scales and pretending I hadn't put on weight and my clothes weren't a lot tighter, I finally bit the bullet last Saturday and weighed myself. 

9th May - 99.9Kg. 

I did write a blog about it, so won't rehash the frustration I felt at reading that number, however, unless you change what you do, you're going to get the same results as always, right?

For the last 2 weeks, I've eaten really healthily and made more healthy choices when eating out with friends and in terms of what I cook.

This morning, despite saying I wouldn't weigh myself more than once a month, I got this sudden urge 'just to see' if things were heading in the right direction. My period started yesterday so I was hoping that any weight I had put on beforehand, was now lost, however didn't really think I'd lost anything.

Well, check out the new value.

Wow. Cool.. in 8 days I've lost 2.2Kg, which is apparently 4.8lbs. 

I should be jumping up and down, right? It's like.. so much weight in 8 days I could write a book about it and 'sell my secrets'... Except, I've been dieting on an off for the last 15 years and I know full well that when you first change your eating habits, your body reacts accordingly and the first few weeks, you do lose a lot of weight - In one week, I remember losing 7lbs!

What I mean is, I'm happy that the number is less, but I'm not under any illusions that this is how it's always going to go - some weeks, I won't see a loss at all despite eating healthily and sometimes I will. As long as I see a number that's less, I need to stay motivated. I also need to try and stick to what I said - Not to weigh myself all the time and not to become a slave to the scales, how miserable would it be, your mood is decided by the number of the scales?

There are a number of reasons suggested why you lose weight quickly when you change your eating habits, however the main two seem to be:

1. You're fat - I don't mean this rudely, however if you're overweight, you weigh more than your slimmer friends and family, hence the more you move, the more calories you burn off compared to others. If you've changed your lifestyle and are consuming less calories, your body is going to have to work harder.

2. You've got a higher basal metabolism - Lucky us, huh? Our BMR (Basal metabolism rate) is how many calories we burn off in a typical day - how many it takes for our heart to beat, our lungs to help us breathe and our brain to (sometimes) think. Larger people have higher rates as we need to work more to keep these vital functions working. So when you start healthy eating, your body isn't getting as many calories to keep these functions happening, ergo.. weight loss.

Surely this will just keep going, no? 

Sadly not, our bodies are clever and get used to our new eating habits relatively quickly - As such, we need to change things around to keep our bodies guessing and also, to stop us getting bored. 

So, will I be looking for the same weight loss next week? 

No - This is a lifestyle change and no a quick fix... therefore I'm going to re-make my promise and try not to weigh myself until the end of the month, just keep going, keep eating healthily and making the right choices. 

Weigh in - The dreaded scales

I totally agree with the points above - I think I've done really well for the last 5 days.. I've had loads of determination, have eaten really well and somehow have managed to remain positive, despite work not being great (and when you're there for 9 hours a day, it takes a toll on your mental state if you're not happy).

However, I'm also a really impatient person - I want to see results! I can't help it, It's not necessarily a good thing, when you're not trying to diet and do a quick fix but genuinely want to change your lifestyle and lose weight in a controlled way. 

Once I woke up this morning, for some reason I decided, 'f**k it, I want to see what I weigh'.. so I stepped on the scales.

And there we go... I am 99.9Kg or 15.7 stone. I have to say, I was pretty shocked I was so much - I managed to get down to 14 stone in February, so to put on 1.5 stone in 2 months is quite bad, however it shows that I really have been overeating and not looking after myself. I feel a little bit embarassed that I've put so much on, however I also feel less anxious - as if, now I know the 'damage', I can work towards seeing the number decrease and even if I only weigh myself once a month, this should be a good indicator as to whether I'm going in roughly the right direction.

No, I don't want to get obsessive and weigh myself every day - I've done this and it ruled my life - When I was pre-menstrual, I'd weigh myself and get upset that the scales showed a larger number even when I'd have been 'good', This really demotivated me and I'd be really obsessed with trying to get the number on the scales back down to what I wanted - hardly a fun way to live and also, not really sustainable.

OK, so now I know - I am 99.9Kg.

I won't weigh myself until the end of this month now, however when I do, I'd like to see a different (smaller) number. 

I'm just reiterating my mantra in my head - ' One day at a time - keep motivated, no dieting, just healthy eating....'