Rain, rain, go away...

How can yesterday be so sunny and today be so rainy?

Breakfast: Steamed kipper, 1 slice of seeded toast, 1 poached egg
Lunch: 1 raw pepper, half a cucumber and a handful of tomatoes with houmous.
Dinner: Pan fried salmon with rosemary roasted new potatoes, sugar snap peas and carrots
Snacks: Small lunch box sized Malt Loaf

Last night my Boyfriend and I had a really lovely evening sitting outside and having a BBQ. We BBQ'd some lamb, after marinading it in some Moroccan spices which gave it a really nice flavour. Now I know that lamb isn't the most healthy thing you can eat, however I really like it - When was the last time I had it? Probably over 2 months ago, so I just ate mindfully, trimmed off all the fat and as it was BBQ'd, a lot of the fat also dripped into the BBQ. When will I eat it again? not for a while, so I don't really see a problem :-) We also BBQ'd a beef tomato that we bought at the Alton Farmers Market yesterday and I had mine with a lot of steamed carrots and peas as well as some rosemary roast new potatoes. As always, it was really, really yummy.

I also remembered to defrost one of the sacred fishies, so I was fortunate to be able to have a delicious kipper for breakfast this morning. However, rather than just have the kipper looking all sad and alone on a plate, I bought some bread yesterday, so transformed my breakfast into a slice of seeded toast, one poached egg and a kipper. As well as it being really filling, I didn't put any butter or spread on my toast as the egg was wet enough for it not to matter - Additionally, there are apparently a number of health benefits to eating kippers, namely:

Benefits to eating kippers

1. Kippers contain phosphorus, potassium, iron, zinc and vitamins B-12, A and E.

2. kippers are high in heart-healthy fatty acids such as omega-3, with about 0.2 to 0.7 grams of omega-3 per serving

3. Kippers are rich in DHA which is a fatty acid essential for the growth and development of brain. Studies show that DHA is most readily absorbed in the morning hours – so perfect for breakfast.

4. Kippers are are low in saturated fat and total calories, so if you're watching calories, you should be watching kippers going into your mouth....  :-)

I appreciate I'm not going to win any awards for food photography, however it tasted a lot better than it looked on my plate and if you mashed the egg up onto the bread, it wasn't dry at all. Once I'd eaten breakfast and had a lovely cup of tea, I headed off to see my sister and my niece and unlike yesterday, I decided to plan my lunch so I didn't need to default to yet, 'more meat'. Whilst my sister lives near Swindon, they have managed to get electricity where they are (I was born in Wiltshire so am taking the mick out of myself, more than anyone else :-)) and as such - I was able to put my houmous and veggies into her fridge.

When I arrived, my niece was having a nap - I took the chance to catch up with my sister which seems like something I could do every time I see her, however it seems to be the case that when you have small children, you spend 99% of your time focussed on them, so talking to each other becomes a lot harder. By 12:30, my niece had finally gotten up - It was nice to see her and she decided it wasn't too bad seeing me either, showing me her pink watering can and preferring to water the patio than any of the plants.

Unfortunately the weather in Swindon was utterly dire - we were planning on going to a local park, however it mostly rained all afternoon so instead we just drank a lot of tea on the sofa and played all kinds of games with my niece including 'multicoloured worm' with a coloured tunnel and 'let's name all the fossils', which involved my niece showing me, my sisters fossil collection and naming all of them.

Unfortunately Aunt Flow also decided to make an appearance 2 days late, so I'm writing this with rather bad stomach cramps, even though I've taken ibruprofen and am feeling really sorry for myself. Driving back along the M4 was pretty bad and it took me quite a lot longer than it took me to drive down there as it was 40mph for most of the way. After I got back, I made myself another couple of tea and settled down on the sofa with a hot water bottle and watched a couple of episodes of 'Whitechapel' which I'm really getting into at the moment. God knows what I'll watch when this is over, it's hard to find any horror / murder / thriller things on TV.

Dinner was another fish dish - pan fried salmon with rosemary roasted potatoes, carrots and a new addition - sugar snap peas! I got them in my latest Riverford delivery and unlike the greens or the lettuce, they've lasted a couple of days which is awesome as I've run out of frozen peas and couldn't be bothered to buy any more. In a weeks time, I'll be able to go food shopping whenever I want to :-) It was nice, but I now feel stuffed... I really do think I'm doing too much, even though a lot of it is just vegetables.. 

Tonight I'm off to see my lovely work friend - It seems we're spending a lot of time together at the moment, I guess it's kinda like 'hysterical bonding'? We know things will change in a week, so we're making the most of it. I know she'll still be in my life, however I won't see her every day like normal. 

However - not all change is bad. I'm still motivated to change my lifestyle and to see my body change.. so will be keeping up the motivation for next week - MY FINAL WEEK AT WORK!!!!! 

Day before D-Day

This is probably the first Sunday in over 3 months where I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow.

Breakfast: Oats so simple golden syrup porridge pot

Lunch: Wholemeal pita bread, 1 raw pepper, 1/2 pot of Tescos Moroccan houmous 

Dinner: Baked BBQ chicken breast, rosemary toasted baby potatoes and steamed baby carrots, green beans, sugar snap peas and baby corn

Snack: Marks and Spencers wholegrain BBQ crisps

Unlike Friday night, I unfortunately didn't sleep as well - I think it was too hot in my friends spare room and I woke up a few times after dreaming about my car being vandalised. Unfortunately, this is a somewhat regular occurrence for me. About 8 years ago, my car was vandalised 7-10 times and the Thames Valley police were utterly useless. My car was keyed more than once, all 4 tyres were slashed, my wing mirrors were kicked off 5 different times. I had a love poem put on my windscreen and the best one, my drivers door was crowbarred open, my CD's were taken out of my car and placed in a pile by my front door (my car was parked about 20 meters away from my house at this point).

I turned into a wreck, constantly paranoid, couldn't sleep as every noise I heard, I'd be looking out the window, seeing if my car was OK. When I phoned the police, they never bothered coming out and on the one occasion they did, they said 'Oh, it's probably just young lads, walking through to the pub, having a laugh....' they didn't even take the CCTV offered to them by a local Indian restaurant. In the end, I ended up parking my car 1.5 miles away at my friends house and walking back home - I did this for over 6 months, before I moved house. Despite it being 8 years ago, me having a different car and having moved twice, I still get paranoid, I still wake up in the night and if I hear a weird sound, I still look out the window to see if my car is OK. 

Despite not sleeping overly well, I got up, made myself breakfast and chatted to my friend for an hour before heading off back home. I did remember to leave her the 'present' that I had promised her - the fake poo! When leaving her house, she said to me, 'So you didn't scent mark my room then?' I replied 'Just go and have a look' :-) I think it looked quite realistic and had me chuckling to myself like a child for a few minutes. Unlike Friday, the M4 was really empty so I made it back in under 3 hours - Just in time for lunch! Lunch was 'the usual' and after unpacking my stuff, I decided to chill for a few hours. 

I seem to have been bitten quite badly by something - Whilst I don't want to accuse my friends cat of having fleas, it's either fleas or mosquitoes and I've not quite worked out, which. Either way, I have a number of bites on both my ankles and they're itching like crazy :-S

Dinner tonight was another BBQ marinated chicken breast with rosemary roasted mini potatoes, steamed carrots, green beans, sugar snap peas and some baby corn - Delicious. I'm just heading out with my Boyfriend to go for a glass of red wine in a local pub and catch up on the weekend :-)

Tomorrow is D-Day. It's the day I sign the job offer to my new job and it's also the day I ask for a meeting with my Boss to try and negotiate a financial settlement.... Let's see how this goes... 

What to write?

Today has been a really random day 

Not having to get up to the sound of my alarm was absolute bliss and to have a cup of tea in my bed, whilst reading my book was the icing on the cake. My friend wasn't arriving until 11:00am so I had a very leisurely morning, showering, washing my hair, having my porridge with blueberries and doing a few light chores of cleaning the bathroom. 

My friend arrived and announced that 'All men are wankers', suggesting that she wasn't overly happy with her current situation - and that situation is, she is divorcing her Husband of 3 years (been together 5 years) for unreasonable behaviour due to emotional abuse, whilst having an affair with a married man who swears blind he's going to leave his wife next June when his children go to University. I've spoken about my friend before - On the one hand, she's really intelligent and a lovely person, on the other - she seems to have the blinkers on when it comes to men, completely oblivious to her ex-Husband being utterly cruel to her and seems to be equally as oblivious to the fact her current lover isn't necessarily going to leave his wife.

The latest crisis: She rarely goes out, however she did yesterday and went out with a female friend for a few drinks and dinner. Her friend tags her in a Facebook post and puts the comment 'You're a total man magnet' - Married guy sees this on Facebook and gets really upset... What was she up to? Why did her friend put that? What would she think if his friend had put that? Despite my friend pointing out the fact that, she's not responsible for anyone's actions but her own and she didn't speak to any men, her friend was just pointing out she looked really nice, her married lover was still very unhappy as he was apparently 'really jealous' er hello? You're married!

This isn't the first time he's got really 'upset' when she's gone out with friends and despite me saying that it was raising red flags in my head, I don't think she's really appreciating how out of order his behaviour is, especially when she is telling me that his wife doesn't care about him, his wife doesn't lift a finger at home and he does everything... It's like a complete and utter crock of rubbish and when I point out 'Well, that's what he tells you, you do realise, it might not be true and his Wife might be a lovely person who does loads of things?' she doesn't seem to want to accept it....

After an hour or so of listening to her, I decided to try and lighten the mood by suggesting we go into town for lunch - She said she only wanted a panini or something light, so we headed into town for a coffee shop - Costa.... I didn't actually realise, but looking around in Costa, there seemed to be a grand total of 0 healthy options.. like, literally... none at all. I therefore only ordered a green tea and listened to her continue to tell me more and more about her married lover woes whilst drinking my green tea, wishing she would change the subject.

After Costa, I was desperate for food, so we went into Pret a Manager and thankfully they have LOADS of really nice, healthy options. I decided to try one of their vegan salads which I hadn't had before and eating it at home, I have to say, I was most impressed. It certainly filled me up and had one of my favourite foods in it - Houmous!

We then spent the rest of the afternoon watching odd documentaries that I had on my Sky planner including 'The man with no penis', and 'The woman who married the Eiffel tower' which my friend seemed to find amusing. Come 5 O'clock and she headed off, leaving me time to straighten my hair (which is a mammoth task taking over an hour), before heating up a portion of my very tasty Moussaka that I had left over from yesterday and then heading off to the pub to meet my boyfriend and his friends.

Despite having been with my boyfriend for quite some time, I still find it hard to socialise with his friends as I'm actually quite anxious about new people in some ways. I think I'm getting better, but it does take a lot of mental strength to put myself in new situations. Thankfully it was quite a small group and I rocked up just after 6:30pm and had a nice glass of red wine which I sipped quite slowly whilst talking to his friends. I'm now back at home, watching Katie Hopkins 'My Big fat story' which I've seen before, but sadly there seems to be a lack of good TV on Sunday night. I do agree with others that she's a complete troll, however do agree with her RE: the majority (not all) of people and the reason they are overweight - As you eat too much and move too less. 

I can't speak for anyone else, but it's certainly true in my case - Eating less and indeed, eating more mindfully has helped a lot in the last 1.5 months and I'm really excited about continuing my healthy eating and achieving my goal of wearing size 14 trousers on Christmas day. I just need to up my exercise as well :-)

Back to reality

Hello Berkshire, I've (not) missed you...

Sadly the Northumberland holiday has come to an end. As I sit on my sofa, with all of my letters on my coffee table to open in a moment and the washing in the washing machine, I'm quite sad that we're not still in Northumberland, exploring the local scenery, going on a boat trip or just enjoying spending time together. As per usual, my boyfriends' parents were so lovely and accommodating - His mother even said I was welcome to visit them whenever I wanted. Not being at work and being able to think about other things, rather than constantly worry about what my Boss and the not-so-friendly-colleague are doing behind my back has been really, really nice and I wish it could continue for the next, um, lifetime? 

As well as unpacking and mentally preparing myself for work tomorrow, I've been revising for an interview on Tuesday - Yup, I seem to have found a company that is crazy enough to at least want to talk to me about a role and whilst I'm not 100% sure as to whether it's the right fit for me, I've tried to remain positive, after all - What have I got to lose? If they think I'm not the right fit, I'll treat it as experience and point out to myself that my CV can't be that bad.... So there are currently a number of handwritten pieces of paper on my sofa, with scribbles :-)

So, what about the food? Well, today has been: Porridge and blueberries for breakfast, some Marks and Spencers sweet chilli hot smoked salmon / a hard boiled egg / some fruit for lunch and for dinner, a grilled chicken breast in a pita bread with some BBQ sauce.

I don't know if that's too much or too little? My stomach hasn't been rumbling and I've been paying attention to how I'm feeling when eating. I've also meal planned for the next week - The breakfasts should be obvious by now, so I won't bother including them :-)

Monday 8th June

Lunch - Something healthy from Marks and Spencers in town

Dinner - Healthy KFC Wrap 

Tuesday 9th June

Lunch - Sushi in London (dependant on interview result)

Dinner - Grilled gammon with sweet potato mash and vegetables

Wednesday 10th June

Lunch - Something healthy from Marks and Spencers in town

Dinner - 'Make your own healthy chicken fajitas' (My friend who had the gastric bypass is coming over, so she can put as much or as little in her fajitas as she wants)

Thursday 11th June

Now, Thursday and Friday pose a problem as I'm away on a company 'thing' overnight, usually, I'd eat rubbish or something from the hotel, however I'm going to try and plan ahead, but it's too far away to buy things. I'm sure I'll find something though... watch this space :-)

Friday 12th June

See above!

Saturday 13th June

Lunch - Healthy chicken salad

Dinner - Healthy chilli with rice

Sunday 14th June

BBC Good Food Show! So my boyfriend and I will no doubt find something nice (and healthy) to eat for lunch and cook for dinner :-)

Writing it out actually forces me to think about things - Especially regarding my time away with my company. What should I take? Will there be a place nearby to buy healthy food? Should I ensure I've got some healthy snacks and a big bottle of water to get me through?

It also highlights the fact that I depend a lot on a supermarket for lunches, when I could be making my own and having more control over what's in them. The fact I only got back from Northumberland a little while ago means that all the shops are shut as it's a Sunday, however that's not an excuse I can use next week, or the week after that. 

I'm wondering whether to step on the scales tomorrow morning, just to see if my mindfulness over the last few days whilst on holiday has paid off, or if eating out 3 days in a row has meant I've put on weight. I'm in two minds about it as on one hand, it's not the end of the month, or even two weeks since I stepped on the scales (10 days so far), on the other hand, I want to know if I'm doing OK as I've been eating differently to what I usually do (more restaurants, less cooking).

I'm now going to enjoy my last night of chilling, try and sleep well and try not to get too anxious about going to work tomorrow.... 

Kensington Palace and Poltergeists

Even the rain didn't spoil the day

Considering tomorrow is the first of June and technically 'Summer', it was incredibly rainy today. I went to London to see a friend who I haven't seen for ages. As she's got children and works, it's been hard trying to find a mutually convenient time, however today seemed to work for both of us. After meeting in Waterloo (and surviving the train journey with the 7 drunken teenagers drinking Stella at the table opposite me) we decided to go to Kensington Palace, wander round and catch up on life.

Getting there was pretty easy and it wasn't too busy which was surprising considering it was a weekend. £17.50 each, so not exactly the cheapest place in the world, but it was London. Whilst it was nice go round and investigate as I'd never been there before, I have to say it wasn't as good as Hampton Court - the rooms were very empty and didn't have much furniture or character in them - I assume that's because of the amount of visitors that come through the rooms and the fact that furniture would make it harder to walk around.

Despite Kensington Palace being 'meh', it was lovely catching up with my friend and despite not seeing her for ages, it didn't feel like any time had passed at all. After a nice cup of tea and a wander around the rest of the palace, we decided to grab some sushi for lunch at the Japan Centre - the one close to Picadilly Circus. 

I think I'm like 'proverbial kid in the sweet shop' when it comes to the Japan Centre, I love sushi and there's literally so much to choose from, it's scary. It's probably a good thing that there isn't one in Berkshire, otherwise I'd no doubt be buying food from there most days. I have my staple favourites - the tofu pockets (Inari) and the egg sushi (tamago), but the rest of the shopping basket is flexible. As I knew I wouldn't be getting back home until after 10:00pm, I also bought dinner from there and ended up with a lovely Chicken teriyaki don (chicken, rice, egg...). I thought I'd also buy a chocolate pancake (Doriyaki) for pudding and after we purchased all of our stuff, we decided to sit outside and eat our lunch as it was chucking it down from the sky.

Unfortunately, the sushi doesn't have calories, fat or any kind of nutritional information on it - so it's a bit of a mystery unless you look it up on the internet beforehand. I assumed this was also true for my chocolate pancake, however after consuming it, I actually saw that there were figures on the back of it - Hrm.. I have to say, I was shocked in regards to how many calories were in it, over 200! and nearly 9 grams of fat as well? Well, I enjoyed it, but once again it goes to show that I can be really ignorant when it comes to how many calories are in things and my 'educated guessing' isn't all that accurate.

After we had lunch, we realised that the rain really wasn't going to stop any time soon, so we headed back to Waterloo, had another coffee and then said our goodbyes - As she's got a Samsung Note 4 phone, she showed me how many steps we had done together - over 11,000 - Not bad for a days walking :-) After I got back home, I ate the rest of the Sushi for dinner before heading out to the cinema to meet my lovely Vegan work friend. She's also into horror movies so we had made a cinema date to watch Poltergeist. I was hoping it would be better than the film was saw the other month 'It follows' which seemed incredibly random and the bad 80's style music was very frustrating.

Turns out, it was rather scary and had both of us cringing behind our hands by the end of it, so missions accomplished. After driving her back home, I'm now writing this whilst in my PJ's and watching Family Guy before sorting out my breakfast for tomorrow and going to sleep before I go back to dreaded work tomorrow.

Thankfully only 2 days of work next week before I'm off to Northumberland with my lovely boyfriend to stay with his parents until Sunday. Thankfully, his parents are really, really nice and friendly, so I'm really looking forward to it. 

Tomorrow night I'm back at the gym - the first time in over 3 months! I'm actually slightly nervous, but know that once I've gone, it will be great and I'll feel really good, too. 

End of May

Wow. End of the month already.

I can't believe it's 3 weeks and 6 days since I started my healthy eating. It feels as if it's been a few days if that. Honestly, it's not actually been that hard - the more time I've healthy eaten, the less I've had to think about it and the more it's become 'normal' and I'm really proud of what I've done so far.

I think it's really important to physically write down the fact I'm proud of myself, I never really say I'm proud of myself for anything - I stepped on the scales yesterday morning and since the 9th of May I've gone from 99.9Kg to 96.7Kg. If I lose the same again next month, then I'll have lost 6.4Kg and will take another photo of myself in the mirror and see if I can see the change. (I took a photo at the start of the month.. so I know what I looked like when I started my healthy eating).

It's not just the lesser number on the scales, although I am proud of that, it's also:

1. My jeans feel loser. I can wear a pair of jeans I couldn't fit into at the start of this month.

2. I feel so much happier, my moods are more positive

3. I haven't felt bloated or uncomfortable as I've eaten too much

4. I have slept so much better - usually I wake up at least twice a night, I've been sleeping through or waking up a lot less often, at the very least.

5. Even though work is really, really stressful at the moment, I've NOT reached for food, I've NOT done my usual 'comfort eating' and I HAVE made healthier choices.
6. My bowels *ahem* are much more regular and I don't suffer from flatulence at all (I know... TMI!)

I can't say I see any change in my appearance. When I look in the mirror I still see my large stomach and huge thighs and I'm not happy about the figure staring back at me - However, this can only be changed if I continue my healthy eating and I need to remember: This is not a quick fix, this is a lifestyle change so it will take time to change my body.

Eating badly for one day will not change things - nor will eating healthy for one

day... I need to be sensible and make sensible choices in what I put in my body.

This month I've focussed 100% on food - I've not gone crazy with exercise as I don't think I would have been able to maintain it due to work stress. In June, I'm going to make myself 2 promises.

1. I'm going to go to the gym once a week for a spin class.

2. I'm going to look more closely at the processed food I eat and try and reduce it in various ways.

I don't think it's a good idea to change everything at once - I think I'd feel overwhelmed and not stick to them. I'm going to try and not weigh myself more than once every two weeks, but we'll see what happens.... Either way, I'll be honest about what I weigh and when I succumb to the lure of the scales.

I'm also kinda chuffed that I've had over 1,100 views on my Blog. I don't know if that's real people / bots on the net, or magic pixies, but whoever / whatever it is, I'd like to think that there are people out there who can identify with what I'm saying and maybe I can motivate others to eat more healthy and they can also motivate me :-)

Looking forward to a healthy, positive and motivated June! 

Slumming it Sunday

Sometimes the mundane days are the days I need the most willpower

Sunday has been lovely - nothing crazy, nothing different, but just, nice... I saw my sister and my lovely niece and we went for a walk, fed the ducks and caught up. It's funny, as I don't have any children of my own (yet), the first 18 months of my nieces life seemed rather boring - as she was mostly an eating, pooping, crying machine - seeing her today and talking to her in coherent sentences was both amazing and slightly unnerving.

Going for a walk in the park and feeding the ducks was both nice to get out and also nice to spend time with my sister - She only lives 40 miles away, but because we both work and she has a child and a Husband, it's been hard to see her as much as I used to - It feels only yesterday all 3 of my sisters and I were at home, in Wiltshire, trying to kill each other as children! :-)

My sister gave me the massive bag of rhubarb that my Mother had kindly passed her to give to me. Apparently she has been overrun with rhubarb in her garden so was trying to find people to give it to - I mentioned I'd be happy to take some off her hands and try and find some low fat recipes to use it in, so she harvested a massive bag of the stuff (watch this space for low fat recipes using rhubarb in the next few days!).

It's been an odd day in terms of food -

Breakfast was porridge as per usual, however lunch was some slices of chicken and a snack-pack of malt loaf. Dinner was a lean gammon steak, some sweet potato chips and half a tin of BBQ Beans. Hardly the most un-processed of meals, however not laden in either fat or calories. I don't have anything fresh in at the moment and as I spent all of yesterday with my boyfriend and all of today with my sister, I've not been able to do a proper food shop!

The fact I'm not working tomorrow is absolutely brilliant. A lovely day with a friend beckons :-)

When the scales don't show you what you want

I know I've been staying on track with healthy eating, so why are the scales against me?

Having been on numerous 'diets' over the years, the one thing that I struggle

with massively, is when I step on the scales after being 'good' for a few weeks and the scales show that I've not lost any weight. I mean, how is that physically possible? If you expend more calories than you ingest - surely the only figure you should see on the scales is less than the one you did before?

This usually de-motivates me and I turn to food as I feel unhappy and a failure - however, this morning is yet another reason why I need to stop doing that.

Sunday morning - lovely sunny day, I'm seeing my sister and my lovely baby niece this morning so I get up and have a shower, listening to the birds tweeting in the garden. I'm feeling good.. I went on a long walk yesterday, ate healthy and I'm not at work for another 2 days - everything is great with the world!

Then I see the scales by the bath and think 'Why not? OK, I said I wouldn't weigh myself until the end of the month, but I've been really focussed the last few days so I should see a different figure'....

So I step on them.

They show 98.3Kg 

0.6Kg MORE than they did a week ago - yet I've not pigged out AT ALL... I've been really motivated to stay on track.

Immediately I start thinking 'This is stupid, I may have to starve myself to lose weight, sod it.. I may as well just eat what I want as it never works' and my usual thought process starts - my mood totally changes, I feel like a failure and stupid.

After 10 minutes of being seriously annoyed, I wonder if the last 10 minutes of pacing around has changed anything, so I step on the scales AGAIN, as if to face the figure properly as I couldn't actually face it last time.

They show 97.2Kg.

Seriously? What the Hell? In 10 minutes, I've lost 1Kg? over 2 lbs?

I step on the scales another 3 times in succession and I still see 97.2Kg - My mood lifts and I feel happier.

However, this just goes to show how ridiculous it is to just trust the scales - I felt my jeans were a bit loser, I can now wear all of my size 16 jeans and some are more lose than they were before, I thought I could tell a slightly difference in the mirror and I definitely feel so much better than I did 3 weeks ago. 

It also shows that the scales really aren't accurate - I mean, I have no idea why they showed 2 different weights really quickly, did I step on them wrongly? (I mean, how many ways can you step on them?) did it calibrate wrongly? (I doubt it, it's hardly a complex program) So I really don't know....

The scales really aren't the best way of checking progress and it shows that I've still not been able to change my mindset completely and I'm still focussed on numbers, when I should be focussed on feelings and the healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life.

Weigh in time...

I need to make sure that the scales don't rule my life

It's been over a week since I weighed myself and after 2.5 months of 'ignoring' the scales and pretending I hadn't put on weight and my clothes weren't a lot tighter, I finally bit the bullet last Saturday and weighed myself. 

9th May - 99.9Kg. 

I did write a blog about it, so won't rehash the frustration I felt at reading that number, however, unless you change what you do, you're going to get the same results as always, right?

For the last 2 weeks, I've eaten really healthily and made more healthy choices when eating out with friends and in terms of what I cook.

This morning, despite saying I wouldn't weigh myself more than once a month, I got this sudden urge 'just to see' if things were heading in the right direction. My period started yesterday so I was hoping that any weight I had put on beforehand, was now lost, however didn't really think I'd lost anything.

Well, check out the new value.

Wow. Cool.. in 8 days I've lost 2.2Kg, which is apparently 4.8lbs. 

I should be jumping up and down, right? It's like.. so much weight in 8 days I could write a book about it and 'sell my secrets'... Except, I've been dieting on an off for the last 15 years and I know full well that when you first change your eating habits, your body reacts accordingly and the first few weeks, you do lose a lot of weight - In one week, I remember losing 7lbs!

What I mean is, I'm happy that the number is less, but I'm not under any illusions that this is how it's always going to go - some weeks, I won't see a loss at all despite eating healthily and sometimes I will. As long as I see a number that's less, I need to stay motivated. I also need to try and stick to what I said - Not to weigh myself all the time and not to become a slave to the scales, how miserable would it be, your mood is decided by the number of the scales?

There are a number of reasons suggested why you lose weight quickly when you change your eating habits, however the main two seem to be:

1. You're fat - I don't mean this rudely, however if you're overweight, you weigh more than your slimmer friends and family, hence the more you move, the more calories you burn off compared to others. If you've changed your lifestyle and are consuming less calories, your body is going to have to work harder.

2. You've got a higher basal metabolism - Lucky us, huh? Our BMR (Basal metabolism rate) is how many calories we burn off in a typical day - how many it takes for our heart to beat, our lungs to help us breathe and our brain to (sometimes) think. Larger people have higher rates as we need to work more to keep these vital functions working. So when you start healthy eating, your body isn't getting as many calories to keep these functions happening, ergo.. weight loss.

Surely this will just keep going, no? 

Sadly not, our bodies are clever and get used to our new eating habits relatively quickly - As such, we need to change things around to keep our bodies guessing and also, to stop us getting bored. 

So, will I be looking for the same weight loss next week? 

No - This is a lifestyle change and no a quick fix... therefore I'm going to re-make my promise and try not to weigh myself until the end of the month, just keep going, keep eating healthily and making the right choices. 

Swan Sunday

Really nice to get out and about even if it's not sunny

Sadly despite it being mid May, it doesn't appear to be inching towards summer yet - Despite this, my boyfriend and I decided to go to the Abbotsbury Swannery near Dorchester. It's 2 hours from where we are, however he doesn't mind driving and it's somewhere we have wanted to go for ages as I love animals / nature etc, so we set off pretty early so we could enjoy the day.

It's an amazing place, apparently it's the only place in the world that has a nesting colony of mute swans and was established by Benedictine Monks who built a monastery at Abbotsbury during the 1040′s.

There are loads and loads of swans and it was lovely, walking around, seeing them all nesting and also seeing a few of the cygnets as they apparently hatched a few days ago and were so cute!

To get to the swannery, it was a good 5-10 minute walk and then we walked around the place for at least an hour before stopping off in the cafe for a cup of tea. 

Since I started healthy eating, this was the first time my will power was really tested - My boyfriend ordered a large caramel shortbread, topped with what looked to be amazing chocolate. He asked if I wanted something and I was so tempted so say yes - after all, I'd been walking for at least an hour, right?

However, I managed to actually ask myself - do I need it? Does my body need it? and the answer was no - I didn't. That's not to say I didn't watch him eat every single mouthful, wishing I was slimmer so I could eat it and not worry as much, however no - I am genuinely committed to changing my shape and eating healthier, so I just had a cup of tea (I don't drink coffee). I felt quite proud of myself :-)

After a nice sit down, we headed back home and watched a couple of episodes of the BBC 'How food is made in a factory' - It's a 3 parter with Greg Wallace (bloke off Masterchef) investigating how chocolate / bread and milk are manufactured.

It was interesting - however when we were watching the chocolate one, I was getting so hungry and all I really fancied was chocolate, so I thought the best thing I could do was start cooking dinner.

Dinner was a healthy 'tamarind fish curry' - something I had meal planned a few days ago. For the first time ever, I tried to pay attention to the portion guidance on the rice packet and did 3.5 portions - 1 for me, 1 for my lunch tomorrow and 1.5 for my boyfriend. It's the first time ever that I've not done too much rice! It wasn't too bad - I can't say it was amazing in all honesty, it didn't seem to be as aromatic as I expected and was also quite watery, even though I used the recommended 400ml of light coconut milk.

I'm hoping that the flavours will mature overnight and at the end of the day, I know it's good for me as it was cooked from scratch and has less than 450 calories and 12g of fat. 

Already the stomach ache of worry is starting over going to work tomorrow - I really need to try and find a new job ASAP! However until then, I need to continue my healthy eating and not revert back to eating rubbish.

I'm quite proud of the fact that after 2.5 months of eating utter rubbish day after day, I've been able to stick to my healthy eating for 5 days. It doesn't sound a lot, and hopefully this time next week, next month (and who knows, next year?) I'll be saying the same... I certainly feel better within myself though :-)