Awesome weekend

It's been a really good few days and I'm hoping next week continues in the same vein.

I'm now sat in a North London flat, with 2 black cats as I'm cat sitting for one of my sisters. My entire family (sisters, parents, niece, sisters boyfriends / Husband) are all on holiday in the Scilly Isles so I'm looking after my sisters 2 cats until they come back on Sunday.

It's been a good few days. My hormones and all symptoms seem to have just, well.. stopped. I am feeling much more like 'me' again, I don't have any slight cramping, my chest isn't as sore and I don't feel sick in the slightest. On one hand, it's great, on the other, I have no idea what's going on inside me, however I guess I only have to wait until next Thursday and then I'll find out.

Friday was a good day at work as there was only one work colleague in the office with me - I got a lot of work done and existed on a 'yogurty oat pot' with orange juice for breakfast and a salmon donburi with multi grain rice for lunch. After getting home, I really, really fancied a curry, so ordered a really nice Chicken korma with pilau rice and a saga-loo - It was absolutely delicious and I really enjoyed it.  I had a really lazy Friday night in front of the TV and by 10:00pm, I was in the bath, before snuggling up in my bed and sleeping for quite a long time. 

Saturday morning I changed my sheets, did some chores, did a spot of food shopping and then drove to the station to pick up my friend from Wales. She's the friend who had a gastric band a few years ago and is now 6.5 months pregnant (different to my gastric band friend), I met her when I used to work as a Consultant on a project in South Wales and we became really good friends as she's as mental as I am :-) 

It was absolutely lovely seeing her and we just talked and talked and talked all weekend - We went back home first of all so I could get my washing out of the machine and hang it up, then we headed into London and went to the Sea Life centre. I grabbed some sushi from Wasabi before I got there for breakfast / lunch and we waited about 45 minutes in a queue before we bought the tickets and went in. Despite it being a very busy Saturday afternoon and waiting in a line for a while, it was actually pretty good and a lot better and more clean than I remember it being when I went about 12 years ago with an ex boyfriend. 

We spent a good couple of hours wandering around, looking at all the fish and before I knew it, I had the notifications by 'S health' on my phone that I'd walked 10,000 steps and had been active for 90 minutes. Despite my friend being 6.5 months pregnant, she didn't really look pregnant, she actually just looked a bit overweight. I obviously didn't say that to her, but she did say she thought she didn't really have a bump but as she had loose skin from the 7 stone she had lost from the gastric band, she had 'kinda grown back into her body' but obviously this is a temporary thing as opposed to her just eating too much.

After Sea Life, my friend said she really wanted to go to 'Chocky Wocky Do Dah' as she used to watch the show and really wanted to go to the shop. I have heard of the show but don't really know much about it, however as she was my guest and I really had no problem going anywhere, we headed off to the place. It was rather full and the chocolate was rather expensive, however they certainly sell some interesting cakes! We put our name down for a table upstairs in the coffee shop and were told it would be about a 25 minute wait, so wandered around the shop, seeing it there was anything nice we could buy - I found a lovely chocolate yellow bath duck, which I bought for my boyfriend as a Christmas present :-)

When we were called upstairs, we had a really nice table by the window and I ordered a 'Chocky Wocky Sundae' and she ordered a '6 cake slice'. My sundae was amazing, however way too much chocolate and my friend only ate 1/3rd of her cake. One of the nice things about buying the cake is, they offer you boxes for free so you can take it home with you so my friend actually finished the cake for tea!

No more cake or food for us! After that, we headed back to the tube station and started our journey home, getting back at about 7pm. I did suggest we spend the rest of the evening watching crazy TV, however we actually just talked and talked and talked and it was so nice - My friend is also scared (it's her first baby) and when it kicks her, she says 'it's weird and freaky', she also says she doesn't feel she wants to be tied to the baby constantly and wants her Husband to co-parent and look after the baby too - Is this really so weird? When we were on the sofa, she shouted 'Oh F**k!' and her stomach just moved! She said 'He's kicking me' (she knows it's a boy) and sure enough, her stomach was just moving.... It was so odd...

Today we both drove over to my Boyfriends house and had breakfast (I had 2 slices of honey on seeded toast) before I drove her back to the train station so she could head back to Wales. My boyfriend and I then drove to Argos to get a canvas wardrobe so my Boyfriend could move all his clothes from his big spare room into his bedroom in preparation for me to move in. We actually did really well and have now cleared out a whole bedroom! We celebrated by driving 2 hours to North London and having sushi for dinner before cuddling on my sisters Sofa, watching 'Have I got news for you' before my Boyfriend said goodbye and headed back home.

I know I've eaten out a *lot* in the last few days and as I'm now living at my sisters house for the next 3 nights (I'm heading back for one night on Wednesday as I've got my midwifes appointment on Thursday morning) I don't really have much food to eat at the moment (although I have found some new Soreen bars to try for Breakfast!). I'm going to try and get a good nights sleep tonight and find a local supermarket so I can at least make something healthy tomorrow night and not exist on more restaurant / takeaway food.

I'm not going to lie - I'm still in two minds about continuing the pregnancy. I think I've made up my mind and then I will read or hear something and then swing the other way, however at the moment, I just need to try and wait until Thursday when at least I will know what's currently happening within me, so I can discuss all options with the midwife and really try and work out what is best for my Boyfriend and myself.

Less than 4 days to go!

A bank holiday is not excuse to eat badly..

.. Unless you want to, that is.

If someone 'preached' to me that I should eat a certain way, I'd tell them where to go - and as I want to do everything in moderation, if I had wanted to eat something unhealthy for a change, then I would have. However, I'm feeling really motivated at the moment and this was spurred on even further when I got dressed this morning and wore a purple top that I've not worn in about a month. A month ago, it looked OK, but my stomach looked kinda 'bulgy', even when I was wearing my famous 'fat pants', however not only does it look a lot flatter (sadly I'm not confident enough to wear it without wearing my fat pants), but the belt I bought a little while ago is now on its last hole and is actually getting too loose.

I'm still not going to weigh myself for a while as I need to stop being obsessed with the scales, however I'm in a really good place with my head.. my job... my life and I want this to continue. So today I got up early and decided to go in London. What's that? go into London? On a Bank Holiday weekend? Are you mad? Actually, I got a seat on the train really easily and managed to wander around quite happily, going to all the places I wanted to without any trouble at all.

I was going to go to the Nottinghill Carnival, however I'd heard one of my new work colleagues tell me it was quite rough. I also read up on how busy it was and looked at the weather forecast. So, I decided to change my mind but go into London anyway for a bit of a mooch around. 

One of the things I did was go to the National Portrait Gallery. Breakfast was a slice of malt loaf and a banana and after scoffing that and drinking a cup of tea, I headed to the train station and subsequently, to the gallery. Bearing in mind it was a weekend, it was fairly quiet and I spent a good 1.5 hours just walking around the paintings and reading the descriptions. Some of them were fairly famous - Like the ones of Henry VIII and Anne Boley - I think I remember seeing them in some of my GCSE history books when I was at school.

I didn't realise how much I'd walked, however after 1.5 hours it was nearing lunch time and I felt rather hungry and thirsty. I went down to the cafe and had a cup of tea. It was hard not to order any cake, however I managed it and felt very virtuous, sipping my tea and whatsapping my sister about her date tonight (His name is Ben... she's met him 3 times and he seems really nice apparently. I've nicknamed him 'Triple B' as in 'Big Boy Benny'... apparently she's told him this and he finds it funny) 

Lunch was an easy one - straight to the Japan Centre for some sushi... I got enough so that I could eat it tonight as well. I love sushi, it's even more tasty when you're not the one making it yourself! Tamago nigiri (egg sushi),  A crispy chicken seaweed triangle, Inari pockets (Tofu pocket with seasoned rice inside) and for dinner... It was a vegetable and prawn tempura pot with more rice.. 

I then went and wandered around Covent Garden and did a spot of shopping as it was my friends Birthday last week and I'm seeing her on Wednesday so whilst I had a temporary reprieve of buying her a present, I wanted to buy her something personal and London was the best place to achieve it! I went into Foyles and found her a lovely book of the Irish coast (she's from Ireland). Stunning photos and lots of history behind the places - She's from Cork and it had one section about Cork, so fingers crossed she likes it :-)

After more wandering around I headed home - I checked my 'S Health' app on my phone and it told me I'd walked 13,000 steps (over 10km) which had apparently burnt off 555 calories. Whilst that's awesome, I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking 'Oh well, I've got another 555 calories I can use up on chocolate', so just stuck to my sushi tonight and am now in my PJ's, about to watch another horror film.

Imogens review for 'Robert' - Pretty crap. Kinda more like Eastenders than a typical horror film. You could tell it was done on a very low budget in England and the 'scariest' thing was seeing the cameraman in the mirror in one of the bath scenes at the end, as well as seeing the reflection of other camera people in the reflection on the cooker in the kitchen. The doll is kind of creep, but the best acting is done by the child, which means you have no sympathy for either of the parents (whilst it wasn't said, I swear the Dad was shagging the secretary) and the Mum's constant moaning and simpering meant I just wanted her to get killed by the doll ASAP.

I'm now about to watch 'Invoked'.. Hopefully this one is better! 

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

I am so happy, life is great, things are finally working out

Let me set the scene for you, if I may - I'm sat in black jeans and a black shirt, in a posh boardroom and across from me sit three men in suits, with another man on the conference phone. The usual questions are asked - What do I know about the company? Why did I apply for the role? Can I talk through my CV? and then one chap asks me to explain 'Asymmetric encryption' to his Australian colleague, joking that 'He's from Australia, so he doesn't understand what it means'.... and I start with 'G'day mate' and then launch into the explanation.

That was me, yesterday at my interview - As I was working, I couldn't wear a full suit, so wore the closest thing to smart I could get away with, without making it too obvious. As I arrived at the interview company place, I felt so underdressed as there were literally hundreds of people in suits and the company building was just so.... corporate - A massive skyscraper, so posh, with proper security in the way of security guards, bag scanning machines - very different to the company I currently work at. 

I met the Guy I spoke to on the phone, and we went for a coffee - He took me up to the 20th floor and you could see out, all over London. We chatted for 30 minutes in a casual way and he was telling me about the role, the team, the culture and then he took me to another floor, where I met another 3 men, and spoke to another Guy on the phone. 

The next hour was a bit of a blur - I answered all the questions they asked, however when I left, I was wondering 'Was I too familiar?' (That's my nature, I'm really open and chatty) 'Did I answer the questions properly?' - I know I can be my own worst enemy sometimes, however I didn't get that sense of 'YES!' like I did, on the phone interviews. 

Heading back to work, I was conscious I'd been out the office for over 2 hours and whilst I'm not exactly enjoying work at the moment, I don't want to stoop low enough to take the mick, so decided not to go on the hunt for lunch, but get straight back to the office. Despite only eating porridge for breakfast, I didn't feel hungry at all and thought that as long as I drink enough water, I'll be OK until dinner time.

I left the London office at 5:30 and headed to Picadilly to grab some sushi for dinner and meet my Boyfriend as we were going to see 'Whose line is it anyway?' the most fantastic sketch show that used to be on TV in the 80's and 90's and something I used to love, even though I was quite young. They're currently doing some live shows in the Adelphi Theatre. I got to the Japan Center and went a bit crazy as by that time I was hungry - I bought a lot, way too much and once again, my eyes were far bigger than my stomach. Feeling smug, and really looking forward to stuffing sushi into my face, I found a nearby park and sat down, waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. 

He arrived half way through me eating my dinner and we were chatting about how hot it was, when I realised I had a missed call and text messages on my phone - Could this be the recruiter, giving me news about how my interview went today? The text message said: Imogen - Got some great news about Company' My first thought was 'What could that be? Do they like me but need me to talk to more people?' 'Do they think I'd be OK in a year but I'm too junior?' It's sad and a little frustrating that I seem to lack confidence that my first thought isn't 'I got the job!'

I phoned the recruiter back and nearly burst into tears - Apparently they loved me, they really want to offer me the position and despite the salary being capped, they've increased it as they were so impressed, so commuting into London won't eat up a lot of my wages. Also, as I was very passionate about maintaining a work / life balance, they want to discuss putting something in the contract about it, so I should be able to work from home at least one day a week. 

• Senior position in a company of over 35,000 people in over 100 countries
• Moving into a sector which will look amazing on my CV
• Working with really friendly and nice people
• Massive scope for job progression
• Noone looks like they're shagging each other.
• Chance to work at home sometimes
• Large increase in salary with 10-20% bonus, better pension and healthcare.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!! This is more than I could have ever hoped! My boyfriend was asking me if I was OK as I think I was just a bit shell shocked. I just wanted to cry and scream 'I can't be that useless if they want me!' My Boyfriend also said he was really proud of me and that I deserved it - I am so grateful to him for all the support he's given me over the last 3 months as he's listened to me cry and not telling me he's bored with me talking about work and how unhappy I was. All at once, it's like my life has taken a massive turn - In 6 months, we can look to get a mortgage and then look to have children as the maternity package sounds amazing. I can enjoy working again, I don't have to feel sick every morning, life is good!

We then went to see 'Whose Line is it anyway?' which just topped off the night. Clive Anderson, Greg Proops, Colin Mockery.... it was absolutely brilliant and I laughed more than I'd laughed in a long time.

I'm now at work, grinning like a Cheshire cat - the fact my Boss has rescheduled our catch up for today is now making me excited, rather than anxious as there's nothing he can do to me, now...  Any email I get? I don't care.. Any attitude I get from the woman my Boss is shagging? Ignored. I need to be slightly sensible and not get ahead of myself as I've not got any of the paperwork through yet, so until that happens, I'll tow the line and get on with things, however as soon as I've reviewed the contract, I'll be really happy.

The plan for today is to contact my Union - Now I've been with them for a month, I should be able to get legal advice on constructive dismissal and I'm determined not to let my Boss get away with his bullying attitude. I'll also be putting things in order and writing up a handover document so that I can leave as soon as possible :-)

How to overcome failure?

Staying positive is so hard at the moment - I feel so exposed

I had a lovely night with my Boyfriend last night. Dinner was mackerel and vegetables sent to me from my weekly Riverford vegetable box - Quite honestly, I can't say I was overly keen on the 'lightly smoked mackerel' from Marks and Spencers as it tasted an awful lot like a kipper and having kippers with vegetables is just, well, weird as they're a breakfast food, surely? I don't think I'll be doing that again, however it was certainly very healthy.  After dinner we went for a quick drink at a local pub - It was lovely sitting out in the sun next to a river and watching all the ducks waddle around, looking for 'stray chips' that people fed them.  We then headed back to mine - He's my rock at the moment as I was telling him how my appraisal went with my Boss and just burst into tears. 

After another restless night, I got up early and headed into London for my interview or more correctly 'interviews' as I had 6 in one day - 4 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. I arrived in plenty of time and the first two only lasted 30 minutes each. I thought, I was doing OK, that I had answered all the questions well and seemed to have developed a rapport with the people interviewing me. Unfortunately, after the first two, the HR guy came in and politely said that they didn't think I was technical enough so they were not going to continue the process. It was said in a really nice way and at the time I was all smiles and politeness as I shook his hand and headed out to the lift, however as I descended to the ground floor, I started feeling sick and shaky.

It was only 11:00am when I left, so I headed back to the tube and subsequently, the train station and grabbed some sushi for lunch before heading back home on the train. I phoned my boyfriend who was saying all the right things, however I still felt really rejected. I also had this really clear vision in my head of a door slamming shut, a metaphor, I assume, for the fact that I now have less options of how to leave my current company. 

How does one cope with rejection? What are the best coping mechanisms? I guess if I'm honest, I'm not used to failure and it hurts - I've been really successful in academia, and my career to date. At the moment, it feels like I'm hated by everyone at work and thought to be incompetent and can't get another job as noone believes I'm any good. 

On the other hand, I've passed various interviews, my successes at work are still successes and I wouldn't have been able to last 5 years in my current company unless I was good at what I do. I need to keep repeating this to myself and hold on a few more days until the next opportunity (next Wednesday I have a different face to face interview) presents itself to me. 

I need to keep the following things in mind:

• Failure is a natural part of life, - Everyone, EVERYONE in the world fails at some time or another. It's not nice, but it's natural.
• It's my responsibility - That's not me beating myself up for it, but I failed at the interview because I didn't have the right skill set. But I do have a skill set, and a damn good one at that!
• Treat it as a learning experience - I got 3 face to face interviews as experience and I did a technical test (and did better than I thought!) This will hold me in better stead, next time
• This is only temporary - 'This too shall pass'. I'm feeling bad now, but in 1 month, 2 months down the line, I'll have a new job and won't feel upset.

I'm now sat at home, having eaten my lunch, the washing is on.. and I've got over 4 hours until I need to leave the house and see my friend, so I'm going to use the time wisely. I'll do some more job hunting... I'll clean out another cupboard of clothes and put the bins out and I'll write a shopping list for Saturday. I'll also eat one of the many Bakewell Tart nakd bars that were delivered to my house today - My vegan friend got me hooked on them but the Bakewell tart ones are selling out so fast in Sainsburys, the shelf is usually empty - so I decided to bulk buy and we're going to split a whole box of them tomorrow :-) They really taste like bakewell tart but are healthy and not baked (My friend refers to them as 'Vegan crack')

I need to keep going, take one day at a time and believe in myself. I am not a bad person and I don't deserve to be treated like crap at work. 

Take.. THAT!

Yesterday was the first day since I started this blog that I didn't post anything

I thought that might be the case as I was completely non stop and didn't actually get back home until after midnight :-) 

My morning started off really well as I had a telephone interview at 08:00 so I decided to eat my breakfast (porridge) at home and chat to the interviewer on the phone before heading into work. I somehow seemed to have nailed the interview as he said 'I know you need to go soon, but I'm really enjoying our chat' and affirmed on the phone he'd like to take it forward to meet me face to face. I felt really happy as it was more 'evidence', I guess, that I'm not as useless as I'm currently feeling at work and once again, it was as if more doors were opening with a big green 'exit' sign on them, showing me that there are ways out of being unhappy.

Not getting into work until 9:00am was weird, as I'm usually at my desk at 7:45, however the morning went quickly and at lunch time my friend and I went for a walk to the post office and then grabbed some food on the way back. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed with myself for my choices. They're hardly the worst things to put in your body, however I didn't plan beforehand and didn't feel it was as unprocessed as I'd like it to be. 

The afternoon went quite quickly as well as despite my Boss being in again - I managed to mostly avoid him which was good. Seeing him every single day this week has been so mentally tough as I've had to put on such a 'mask' and pretend I'm happy / motivated etc, when looking at his diary he seems to have booked another 6 hour shagathon important work meeting with my female colleague to discuss another one of my business areas. However, I have a feeling this may all come to a head soon as I have my annual appraisal next Tuesday, so watch this space, I guess....

I left work early and walked to the train station as I was going to see... TAKE THAT! at the O2 in London with my boyfriend. Here's the thing, despite being incredibly stubborn and very obstinate, I seem to be incredibly susceptible to marketing - Usually when it involves the use of cute animals trying to sell something (I'm so proud of myself for not buying hundreds of packets of McVities biscuits after watching the cute kittens come out of the packet) however after Christmas, I was on my sofa, alone, drinking wine and an advert for Take That comes on and I think 'Cool, I've seen them twice before and they were good, so let's go again' - Texted my boyfriend and he said 'sure', and so here we are...

We got to London easily enough and I ran to the 'usual' sushi place to pick up my dinner whilst he went to Marks and Spencers and got an awful lot of meat (as he's now in full-swing low carb diet mode). Once dinner was acquired, we headed to North Greenwich and sat in the sun eating our respective dinners. I think I bought a tad too much dinner, however in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't too bad - 4 salmon nigiri, 4 tamago (egg) nigiri, one salmon rice triangle, one prawn tempura wrap and a custard pancake. I think the custard pancake made me go from comfortable to 'full', which is a feeling I'm trying to avoid as much as possible.

Queuing up and getting into the O2, I didn't remember the seats being so small - I know I'm overweight, but wow - these were SMALL. We got there before the doors opened, so were sitting down for a good hour before Ella Henderson came on. I didn't know who she was at first, however after a couple of her more famous songs including Ghost which I have to admit, I rather like - the crowd really seemed to perk up and get more excited. 

Then it was time for Take That - They were good, but having seen them twice in Wembley when they had 4 and 5 members of their band, seeing only 3 of them on stage felt a little sad and I don't think it had as much 'wow' factor in it. We were sat near the end of a row and the women to my left KEPT getting up and wanting to get drinks / go to the toilet and it was driving me crazy as we obviously had to stand up too, to let them out. My back started to really hurt half way through and the tiny, uncomfortable seats didn't do much to appease it, sadly.

It was a good night and I don't regret paying the ticket price, however my boyfriend agreed that the other two shows he had been to, were better. I'd still go and see them again, however if they were in the O2, I think it would actually be better if we bought standing tickets!

After the first encore, we did a very quick march back to the tube, back to the station and then back home on the train. We got back home just after midnight and I fell in bed (well, delicately placed myself in bed, to try to avoid injuring my back any further :-)) and I woke up this morning at 8:30. 

I'm still in bed, with a nice cup of tea, listening to the birds tweet in the trees and am looking forward to not only eating my kipper for breakfast (one of the '5 for £5' ones I bought at the BBC Good Food Show last weekend) but also seeing two of my friends this weekend for a well overdue catch up. As one of my friends isn't arriving until 1pm, I am going to have a fantastically lazy morning, doing a few chores, food shopping but most of all, enjoying the fact I'm not at work :-)

It's the little things...

Off to sunny London I go....

Today has been productive, if not slightly stressful. I am really feeling the effects of a 5 day week as I've had so much holiday recently, I've not actually been in the office for a full week for about - 7 weeks? so this week has felt incredibly long and stressful. 

I knew I'd be going to London today as I had an afternoon meeting, so I didn't plan for lunch as knew I'd be grabbing some sushi at the Japan Centre before heading over to the office. In an attempt to 'spice up' my breakfast, rather than the traditional blueberries, I bought some raspberries and added some of them to my porridge - It was nice, however raspberries seem to disintegrate quite a lot, so you're left with completely red porridge, which is different at the very least, I guess. 

As it's been getting hotter and hotter, it becomes harder for me to 'hide' my body - At least in the winter I can hide in baggy jumpers, cardigans and coats. In the summer it's harder as it's so hot I have a choice: Be incredibly sweaty, uncomfortable and look slightly odd as I'm dressed for winter or wear a lot less layers, be comfortable in regards to heat, but feel really uncomfortable within myself as I'm more 'exposed'. I chose the latter, so only wore a shirt today, however decided to put a cardigan in my handbag as a comfort blanket - If I felt too exposed, at least I could start to put more layers on again and retreat inside myself. 

I seem to go through an automated process when I wake up. Wake up, get up, have a shower, get dressed, clean teeth, brush hair, put on jewellery and perfume, go to work...  This morning I followed the exact same process, except when I put on my jeans and did up my belt - hang on, why does it appear longer? why is the end flapping around my right hand side? It doesn't usually do that..... It turns out that I'm now on my last hole in my belt, something that's not been the case for a good few months and it's not too tight - Wow, that's pretty awesome. 

After a couple of hours in the office, I was ready to head to London - The train station was eerily quiet at 11;00am and I easily got a seat and headed up to London. I also got an email from a recruiter, asking if I could have a telephone interview tomorrow morning which, whilst short notice, was instantly a 'yes' as I'm still desperate to leave my current company.  Despite it being really hot in London, I wasn't too sweaty for once, even when going on the tube - I go only assume it's because I was wearing a normal amount of clothes for the weather and wasn't hiding in a jumper or a cardigan, I was actually surprised at how much difference it made - not to be burdened with extra layers and also, when I thought about it, I didn't feel too self concious, either. 

Lunch was 6 brown rice inari pockets and 3 salmon nigiri which was absolutely delicious - my meeting with my Boss and external people didn't go too badly either (that's 4 days in a row I've had to see him... Why God, Why?) and after another 45 minute meeting with a colleague, I headed back to the main train station to meet my Management Coach. 

Picture a 'friendly Grandfather', someone who is always jolly, has a really lovely personality and who you really feel you can talk to - Like a surrogate Father, if you will - That's my Management Coach and he's a really intelligent and inciteful man who has helped me through a lot of tough times in my company. I've been totally honest with him about what's been happening within the company and he's been amazing at listening and offering support and advice - the main advice being, 'Get out... get a good job somewhere else', which I've accepted is without a doubt, what I need to do.

So today was 'Interview techniques', we went through a number of different scenarios and I seemed to do OK - he gave me a few pointers, including 'Don't say 'We' too much, say 'I' and ensured I have a lot of examples of my skills, so I can demonstrate what I can do. I felt really good after having a long conversation with him and headed back home, sightly nervous about the telephone interview tomorrow, but also excited as it may be another door starting to open....

Dinner was a very tasty pork katsu don (pork, egg and rice dish) and that's all I had as it was quite large. Now I'm sat on my sofa in my pyjamas, watching another episode of Hannibal. 

I think today has been about the little things that are now happening to me, which hopefully will make up bigger things and become more normal.

• I liked the fact I'm now using the last hole on my belt

• I liked the fact I didn't cover myself up and get too hot and didn't feel too self concious

• I liked the fact I got more interest in my CV and have a telephone interview tomorrow

• I liked the fact I met my Management Coach and he gave me more confidence in myself 

I also like the fact I'm not snacking in the evenings any more. I had my dinner and I'm full - I really hope I can keep this up. If I'm not hungry... I don't need to eat something.

Roll on Friday and definitely roll on the weekend :-)

I didn't expect that.....

Well, there's a to-do...

Having slept very badly last night (waking at 02:11, and 4:31 and not getting back to sleep after 5:45...) due to worrying about my interview today, I got dressed, ate my porridge and got ready whilst the voice in the back of my head kept saying to me 'You could just not go to London, you could watch Game of Thrones all day in your Pyjamas' Even when I was on the train to London and got on the tube, my mind was still saying to me that I was kidding myself, that I wasn't technical, or even good enough to pass the interview and that the last 5 years have been a fluke.

I think my brain works in the same way regarding food: That I can't possibly get slim, I am rubbish at losing weight and I'm just a fat person in general. Why don't I just accept it and eat another large chocolate bar? Why am I kidding myself I can succeed this time? 

I've come to the conclusion that my brain can be a total arse at times.

After getting to the companies address, I was met by a really lovely and friendly HR person. Despite the recruiter screwing up the date / time, they still accommodated me and I did the 90 minute technical test.....Oddly, I thought I did OK. Even more oddly, so did they and whilst other people were thanked for their time and told that they wouldn't be progressing their application further, I was interviewed by a very friendly, technical person who decided to grill me on various I.T. architectures.. For some reason, I didn't panic, nor freak out at any point and it seemed to go rather well. 

They thought so as well, as apparently they are suggesting I come back for the 'second round' of interviews as I left at 1:30pm...

I feel elated and really proud of myself - Suddenly the burden on my shoulders over my horrible workplace seems a little less, almost as if a door has partially opened and given me a genuine exit strategy. It's a really nice feeling - So is the fact that I may not be as useless as I think I am.

I hadn't eaten when I left the Company, so I decided to go the my favourite place in London - The Japan Centre, and buy a LOT of sushi. As I was hungry by the time I go there, I went into my usual overdrive and bought way too much. I was thinking 'I did well this morning, I deserve a chocolate pancake', however actually managed to stop myself before putting it in the basket as I shouldn't be rewarding myself with treats (plus, if you remember, I managed to find out how many calories and fat a chocolate pancake was.. and it was a lot!).

Despite buying way too much sushi, on the train, I listened to my body and only ate 6 pieces of sushi, stopping after each one and a custard pancake, which I assumed would be more healthy than the chocolate one. Hrm... Looking it up on my fitness pal suggests it's 325 calories and 6g of fat. That's an awful lot of calories for a pancake - Why are so many tasty things so high in calories? :-(

As for the fate of the rest of the sushi, I'm going to eat it tonight and tomorrow for lunch, meaning that I'm not going to waste it, nor am I going to overeat tonight. I'm back in the office tomorrow and tonight, I'll be watching random TV and feeling chuffed about my success today :-)

Interview tomorrow

I've not been to an interview for over 5 years

Taken them, yes - hundred of telephone and face to face interviews for various roles in my company, however I've not actually been the recipient for a very long time. I wasn't sure if this was a good job for me, however the more I've researched the company and the role, it actually sounds quite interesting and if I'm going to go to an interview, I'd much rather revise / prepare and research the company as much as I can, otherwise what's the point unless you give it your all?

I don't know if I'll pass the test (yes, there's a 90 minute test first) let alone the interview stage afterwards, but I'm trying to remain positive, not allow my nerves to take over and am currently ignoring the voice in my head that says 'You're not good enough'. 

Work was fine, especially considering my lovely colleague is on Holiday so I'm picking up all of her responsibilities as well. I also survived the weekly meeting with my Boss - I still believe he's hiding something, but either way, it's another week of surviving. 

I am not ignoring my body, however - I think as time goes on, I'm genuinely feeling less hungry between meals. I don't know if it's because my body doesn't expect crisps / chocolate every few hours or because my stomach has shrunk, maybe it's a combination of the two? Either way, after I walked into town to get some houmous, tomatoes, pepper and some calamari (thought it made a change from the pita breads!) I happily munched my lunch at 1:00pm and am just about to eat my dinner 6 hours later.....  

I didn't eat all of the tomatoes (maybe a quarter of the pack?) and also only ate half of the houmous. I did however, eat all of the calamari and the pepper :-)

Dinner was as I planned, a really healthy KFC wrap which is one of those dishes where it shouldn't taste as good as it does, as it's quite low in fat? Tomorrow will be more difficult as I'm in London for the interview so I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about lunch. I think I might buy a big bottle of water, take one of my nakd bars with me so if I don't get chance to have lunch, I won't be as ravenous as I could be, afterwards. When I'm really, really hungry, my willpower decreases, so I want to give myself a fighting chance to avoid that.

I'm still really pleased with the figure the scales showed this morning, however I shouldn't become complacent, nor should I assume things will continue at the same pace, especially as my period is due in 3 days and that always plays havoc with my body and weight. So I'll stay away from the scales for another week at least -In some ways, I actually think that staying away from the scales is harder than not eating junk food... It's as if I need the positive reinforcement from something as without it, I don't know if I'd be able to keep motivated.

Tonight I'm going to take care of myself - I'm going to revise a little bit more and then I'm going to have a bath, make sure I know what I'm wearing tomorrow and get an early night.

.. Wish me luck! :-)

Kensington Palace and Poltergeists

Even the rain didn't spoil the day

Considering tomorrow is the first of June and technically 'Summer', it was incredibly rainy today. I went to London to see a friend who I haven't seen for ages. As she's got children and works, it's been hard trying to find a mutually convenient time, however today seemed to work for both of us. After meeting in Waterloo (and surviving the train journey with the 7 drunken teenagers drinking Stella at the table opposite me) we decided to go to Kensington Palace, wander round and catch up on life.

Getting there was pretty easy and it wasn't too busy which was surprising considering it was a weekend. £17.50 each, so not exactly the cheapest place in the world, but it was London. Whilst it was nice go round and investigate as I'd never been there before, I have to say it wasn't as good as Hampton Court - the rooms were very empty and didn't have much furniture or character in them - I assume that's because of the amount of visitors that come through the rooms and the fact that furniture would make it harder to walk around.

Despite Kensington Palace being 'meh', it was lovely catching up with my friend and despite not seeing her for ages, it didn't feel like any time had passed at all. After a nice cup of tea and a wander around the rest of the palace, we decided to grab some sushi for lunch at the Japan Centre - the one close to Picadilly Circus. 

I think I'm like 'proverbial kid in the sweet shop' when it comes to the Japan Centre, I love sushi and there's literally so much to choose from, it's scary. It's probably a good thing that there isn't one in Berkshire, otherwise I'd no doubt be buying food from there most days. I have my staple favourites - the tofu pockets (Inari) and the egg sushi (tamago), but the rest of the shopping basket is flexible. As I knew I wouldn't be getting back home until after 10:00pm, I also bought dinner from there and ended up with a lovely Chicken teriyaki don (chicken, rice, egg...). I thought I'd also buy a chocolate pancake (Doriyaki) for pudding and after we purchased all of our stuff, we decided to sit outside and eat our lunch as it was chucking it down from the sky.

Unfortunately, the sushi doesn't have calories, fat or any kind of nutritional information on it - so it's a bit of a mystery unless you look it up on the internet beforehand. I assumed this was also true for my chocolate pancake, however after consuming it, I actually saw that there were figures on the back of it - Hrm.. I have to say, I was shocked in regards to how many calories were in it, over 200! and nearly 9 grams of fat as well? Well, I enjoyed it, but once again it goes to show that I can be really ignorant when it comes to how many calories are in things and my 'educated guessing' isn't all that accurate.

After we had lunch, we realised that the rain really wasn't going to stop any time soon, so we headed back to Waterloo, had another coffee and then said our goodbyes - As she's got a Samsung Note 4 phone, she showed me how many steps we had done together - over 11,000 - Not bad for a days walking :-) After I got back home, I ate the rest of the Sushi for dinner before heading out to the cinema to meet my lovely Vegan work friend. She's also into horror movies so we had made a cinema date to watch Poltergeist. I was hoping it would be better than the film was saw the other month 'It follows' which seemed incredibly random and the bad 80's style music was very frustrating.

Turns out, it was rather scary and had both of us cringing behind our hands by the end of it, so missions accomplished. After driving her back home, I'm now writing this whilst in my PJ's and watching Family Guy before sorting out my breakfast for tomorrow and going to sleep before I go back to dreaded work tomorrow.

Thankfully only 2 days of work next week before I'm off to Northumberland with my lovely boyfriend to stay with his parents until Sunday. Thankfully, his parents are really, really nice and friendly, so I'm really looking forward to it. 

Tomorrow night I'm back at the gym - the first time in over 3 months! I'm actually slightly nervous, but know that once I've gone, it will be great and I'll feel really good, too. 

A healthy choice in Greek restaurants?

Help! Once again I'm out with people in a restaurant I've not planned! 

Despite the incredibly wet weather in London yesterday, it didn't stop the enjoyment of seeing and spending time with my two youngest sisters. We met after work and headed back to my sisters flat in North London - after the delicious sushi I had at lunch time, I was actually quite happy to eat more Japanese food, however my sister suggested we try a Greek restaurant which is close to where she lives called 'Otto'.

As the world doesn't revolve around me and because I'm pretty happy shoving most food in my mouth, I said that's fine, however did say 'As long as there's a healthy option on the menu'. 

The menu was amazing and instantly we got a massive basket of bread and hummus - it looked amazing, however considering 100g of hummus apparently contains on average, between 300-350 calories, I knew that if I ate lots of it, it would probably contribute to my butt staying the same size for a bit longer. The square of bread I had was amazing, the hummus was delicious, but I stopped there - I tried it, but didn't want to spoil my meal or eat for the sake of it.

I also skipped the starter - they looked amazing and I'm not going to lie, it was really, really hard seeing both my sisters eating lovely feta cheese parcels and crispy calamari, however again, I didn't want to eat more than I needed and also wanted to make a healthy choice.

One thing I didn't realise - Greek food tends to have quite a big fish section in the menu, at least this place certainly did - Sea bass, salmon, all kinds of interesting and tasty sounding dishes. I chose a 'spicy fish stew' which came with vegetables and rice.

It was delicious - and very filling and I didn't feel guilty or 'bad' about eating it. I can't say I had any idea of the calories, however as the sauce wasn't cream based but tomato based, I don't think it was as high as it could have been and it was delicious, containing mussels, salmon, sea bass, prawns -  Lots of protein and healthy fats :-)

I can't say I go to a lot of Greek restaurants so, unlike Japanese or British restaurants, I'm not as good as choosing the really healthy options, however I need to take a pragmatic approach and remember: This isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle, a healthy lifestyle and one I want to enjoy and just make sensible choices.

After a lovely evening and night with my sister, I headed back from London this morning - I've never seen the tube so quiet! Got back in the office about 8:45 and am now just looking forward to going home and seeing what amazing vegetables have been delivered to me in my organic vegetable delivery - It's almost like getting a present each week!

TFI Friday! :-)

More amazing sushi in London

Wow, it's really raining cats and dogs at the moment!

It's so rainy in London, it's the total opposite of what it was like yesterday. I'm only in London for meetings and after work I'm off to meet 2 of my sisters in the City so we can go for cocktails (I haven't broken the news to them that I'll probably be sticking to diet coke as I really don't need to be drinking vast amounts of calories at the moment, however it will be nice to catch up, regardless)

After getting off the train, I went to Wasabi, which is a Japanese 'fast food' place. They used to have a stand in Waterloo, but now have a shop and it's brilliant (if, slightly expensive) all the sushi is individually wrapped, so you can pick up a tray and just do a kind of 'pick and mix' which is pretty cool - meaning you don't need to buy anything you don't like and won't eat.

Unfortunately I got there at 9:10am and they didn't have much out at all - only prawn and salmon nigiri. This wasn't the end of the world, as I like both, however I needed to get to work so couldn't really wait until they had put the rest of their stock out. At least that was lunch sorted!

I've now just eaten my lunch and it was AMAZING! The salmon was brilliant and the prawns weren't bad either - I'm pretty full and feeling happy I didn't go out with my colleagues and buy lasagne or all the other amazing things I can currently smell round the office.

Also glad it's half way through Thursday - Only 1.5 days until the weekend! :-)

Sushi in London

I think they're all a bunch of idiots, but I did vote!

So after I had eaten breakfast, I went to vote - This proved more problematic than I estimated as I seemed to have lost my keys. I knew they were in the house somewhere as I'd deadlocked the front door, however it took me 20 minutes of faffing around to find them :-/ Once I had found them (after nearly resorting to going out the back door and using my spare car key) I went off to vote and then headed to London.

Before going to the office, I took a pit-stop in Pacadilly as I wanted to go to the Japan centre to get some sushi for both lunch and dinner. I love Japanese food, especially sushi. 'Urgh, I hate raw fish' is what I'm usually told when I tell people I eat it regularly... but here's the thing: It's not raw fish - Sushi actually means literally 'Vinegar flavoured rice' Raw fish is actually 'Sashimi' and there is so much more to sushi than fish... You can eat it even if you are vegan (cucumber maki, for example....). 

I got there at 9:40, only to be told they don't actually open until 10:00, which was a bit of a pain, so after grabbing a quick cup of tea in Costa, I wandered in to grab some lovely food, however sadly a lot of the shelves were empty as they hadn't put any out yet! I have to say, it was a bit frustrating - It's lovely as it's so fresh, however I really wished there was more variety - there's usually loads.

I know loads of people eat sushi, but some of you guys seem to be scared to make it - Honestly, it's really easy! The first couple of times I was rather reticent, however once you've tried a couple of times, it's not as fiddly as you think and is really, really yummy - you don't even really need to go to any 'specialist' shops as you can buy most of the things in a large supermarket...

The first picture below is stuff I made in 2014 - I've done it about 20 times now and my friends and family always seem to be pleased :-) The second picture is the Sushi I bought from the Japan Centre - just as yummy!

Work actually went OK today again - I actually think it was the least stressed I've been for about a month which is so welcome at the moment, especially when there's still issues in one of the areas that I manage. 

After noshing on the yummy Sushi for both lunch and dinner, I watched the most amazing film ever: 'Zombeavers' Yup.. it really was that bad ;-) Still, after 'Sharknado', I guess there's no stopping the crazy animal horror films.

As I'm usually busy each night, I really find it hard to meal plan and buy healthy food - This means that when I do go food shopping, I'm usually tempted to buy random things that I find as sadly I am rather influenced by marketing :-( Therefore, to try and stop this from happening, I did an online Sainsburys order which arrived bang on 9:00pm tonight!

I have to say, I've been doing online Sainsburys orders for about 4 years now, ever since I moved house and they've always been right on time and the drivers always seem really nice, really friendly and chatty! I've got quite a few new recipes to try for next week, so I'm looking forward to trying new things and continuing to healthy eat :-)