Eating healthily when you're mentally struggling

I'm still trying to get my head around the last few days

So, I'm still pregnant and I'm still upset / worried / anxious, however not as much as yesterday.

Friday was pretty good - I actually managed to get some sleep on Thursday night. I was working in the office in London so I grabbed some malt loaf from my kitchen and for breakfast had a small cup of tea and malt loaf. I don't know if people cut caffeine out completely, however I've cut down to 2 cups a day, which I don't think is too bad - especially as I don't drink coffee and am not drinking any Cherry Pepsi Max at all at the moment.

Work was pretty OK, the stuff I've been asked to do isn't hard, however as I'm currently sat on a bank of desks on my own (there aren't enough desks to go round so some of us have to hot desk) I was feeling a bit lonely when other members of the team were talking to each other and I was sat on my own - They didn't mean it maliciously at all (as they offered me coffee / tea whenever they were making any) but I think at the moment I'm just craving human contact. As such, for lunch I decided that rather than go to the work canteen, I'd get some fresh air and retraced the journey that my colleague had shown me last week and went to the Japanese kitchen. I wasn't feeling too adventurous, so just opted for the same as last time - Salmon donburi with brown rice and puy lentils with a side order of chilli squid.

It tasted absolutely lovely, however it was too much food so I didn't manage to eat it all which isn't usually a problem, however my company don't have 'normal' bins, so you are forced to divide everything up into food waste / paper / packaging recycling... which meant I had to tip the uneaten food into one and the packaging into another!

After work, I headed straight back on the train, got into my car and drove to meet my Gastric Bypass Friend which was lovely as I hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks. We were going to go to Wagamamas, however it was actually really busy, so in the end we went to Strada instead. As I'd read that you're supposed to get loads of iron in your diet when you're pregnant, I decided I'd eat a steak - It was lovely :-) No pudding or anything else in the restaurant, however afterwards we went to a bar to get a drink and I got a pineapple mocktail. Yum! 

Then things went slightly downhill as I was driving back home as all the 'bad' thoughts started entering my head.... How was I going to cope with sleepless nights? How could I cope with losing my friends as none of them have children? (and that's what seems to happen) how can I deal with actually being a 'Mother'.. is my relationship going to survive? I felt totally desperate and ended up phoning my boyfriend and telling him I was thinking of having a termination. He was lovely, we just talked and he said that it was entirely my decision.... I love the fact he doesn't try and pressure me into anything...

This morning I felt a bit better, but still 'sad'. and then I felt guilty for feeling sad and worried as surely everyone's happy when they find out they're pregnant? Especially if they've been trying for it to happen? My boyfriend picked me up at 09:00 and we went to Marks and Spencers to get some breakfast and to buy some clothes to Mexico as we're off on Thursday! In the Cafe I felt really, really teary and deliberately didn't walk through the baby section as we were walking there.... I ordered a 'smoked salmon and egg bloomer' and decided on some orange juice as I'd already had a cup of tea in the morning.. It was really nice, however it felt weird that the bread wasn't toasted.

After M&S, we headed down to Wiltshire to see my Dad - something I was feeling a bit anxious about after 'text-gate', however it actually went really well, far better than I expected. We went to a farm shop and then across the road to a pub which was lovely. For lunch I had a cheese ploughman's, however only ate one slice of the bread and half of the cheese as it was literally a massive chunk as big as my hand!Too much cheese and bread for me :-(

After lunch, we headed back home and my Dad drove us in his 4x4 to a place I used to go as a child and as it was a lovely day, it was really nice to just remember all the happy times that I used to have with my sisters, Granny and Aunt. All in all, it was a lovely day and spending 4 hours with my Father is the longest I've spent with him for ages.... He didn't say anything horrible, I didn't either... it was just nice.

My boyfriend and I are now at home (my house tonight) watching 'Last Night of the proms' and he's sat on the sofa whilst I'm blogging :-) For dinner we had more steak (I think that's enough red meat for a while) with spinach, home made cajun sweet potato chips and steamed carrots. It was absolutely lovely, but I struggled to eat the steak so gave 1/3rd of it to my boyfriend :-)

At the moment I'm feeling OK - I still have time to decide what to do and visiting the midwife on Thursday really helped. I also think my head is finally getting used to the idea, however the worries, anxieties and unhappiness haven't subsided, I'm trying to take one day at a time, but it's just very hard as that's not usually me.

On Monday night I'm seeing two of my sisters and I'm really looking forward to that - they're always very supportive and I know they'll help me to figure things out.

Making the most of the sun

I've found some amazing clothes and I wasn't even looking for them

Breakfast: Oats so simple Golden Syrup porridge and raspberries

Lunch: Jacket Potato with beans and coleslaw, small bottle of apple juice

Dinner:  Ebi Katsu Don, miso soup and Salmon Teriyaki side dish @Wasabi restaurant in Swansea
Snack: 4 mints that my friend gave me whilst walking around the botanical gardens

I've had a lovely day with my friend and I'm really taking advantage of the fact that I'm not worrying about work, I've got so much more headspace. I slept much better and unlike the last few weeks, I didn't wake up at 4:30am, instead waking up at 7:30 to the sun streaming in through the window. 

I was the first one to wake up, so went and had a shower, made my porridge (I brought two pots with me) with raspberries and a nice cup of tea and browsed the internet, waiting for my friend to wake up. This morning we decided we'd go to McArthur Glen outlet village and as we managed to get there 10 minutes before the shops opened, there was plenty of parking and it wasn't busy at all. I have to be honest - I'm really not a shopping kind of person. I really hate queues of people as I'm really impatient and am much more of the 'go in, look around, get out within 1 minute' type of person - If I have to try clothes on, I can usually get in and out of the changing rooms within 2-3 minutes.

We spent about 2 hours wandering around the shops - some shops we knew we wanted to go in (Next, Marks and Spencers etc) and some that we steered very clear from (I'm looking at YOU Cadbury and Thorntons) I didn't really think I'd find anything but was very happy to wander around, chatting to my friend, looking for random presents to buy people for Christmas. My friend said she wanted to go into Phase eight, so I wandered in, looked around and found a V-Neck jumper in maroon, size 16. It was really my kind of jumper - 3/4 length sleaves, looked quite baggy, but long in the body - (Kinda like this but V neck and a different colour) Could it fit? Let's go and see...

I went into the changing rooms and tried it on - I hate looking in the mirror as I hate what I look like, but I was actually really impressed with my figure - the top fitted! It looked amazing and I felt so good in it - I've never bought anything in Phase eight before as it's a shop I associate with slim people. When I looked at the rail again, there was another size 16 jumper in grey... and a size 16 wrap cardigan - This is great! Looking at the price, they were reduced from £55 to £17.50 each - Bargin! Taking all three up to the desk, I was thinking of how I'd tell my sister (who loves Phase eight) 'Oh, you like the jumper? Phase eight daaaaaaaarling' :-)

Feeling rather chuffed with my new purchases, I also found a pair of Skechers shoes with memory foam, size 8 in black, for £30, rather than £55 and a couple of hairbands from Claires Accessories. Mega successful shopping trip! 

As my friend is 14 weeks pregnant, we had to make a number of toilet stops as sadly she's experiencing some morning sickness - It got to 12:00 and she said she was hungry, so we immediately headed to the food court. Looking around, there wasn't a lot of options - A carvery, a noodle bar, Millies Cookies, MacDonalds and a 'Spud U like' - faced with those options, the most healthy option was a jacket potato, so I decided to opt for a baked potato, beans and coleslaw and a small bottle of apple juice - Absolutely perfect :-)

Once we'd eaten, we decided we'd make the most of the sunshine, so headed down the M4 a bit more until we reached the National Botanical Gardens - I'd not been for about 8 years so it was nice to see what had changed. My friend was feeling a bit less sick so we wandered around all the beautiful gardens and then headed to the glass dome to see all the exotic flowers and the mushroom display in one of the side rooms. It was really interesting and as I love flowers anyway, I took the most of the opportunity and took a LOT of photos. 

After a good couple of hours wandering around, we decided to head back to my friends house so she could have a bit of a rest and we could watch some trashy TV including 'Little women LA' (Little people who fight and bitch about each other) 'Teen Mom' (Clue is in the title... pregnant teenagers in America) and Little Britain.

We decided to try and book a restaurant for tonight, however we had to phone 5 restaurants before we were finally able book a table (I guess as it's Saturday night and therefore everywhere is busy) Turns out, it's the restaurant that I used to go to a lot when I worked in Swansea - Wasabi, a Japanese restaurant in the Uplands of Swansea. Table for 2 at 7:30, please!

It was a mixed experience - my Ebi Katsu Don (tempura prawns with rice, egg and onions etc) and salmon teriyaki was lovely, however my friends Chicken katsu curry was cold and despite her sending it back, it came back even colder, with an extra bowl of piping hot katsu sauce on the side :-S I know I ate too much - I was starving, but yet again, my stomach told my brain 'order a main course AND a side dish', yes, it was nice - but I didn't need both and I did feel too full afterwards.

Before heading back to my friends house, we took a quick detour to Tescos - I bought more porridge and food for tomorrow, including more milk for tea. This means that no matter what time I get back home, I don't need to go out for food and can chill tomorrow afternoon :-) It's currently in my friends fridge so I'll just pop it in a cool bag and it will come back with me along the M4.

I'm now going to spend another hour with my friend, watching some weird murder documentary on the CBS reality Show before hopefully having a really good nights sleep and doing the 3 hour drive back home tomorrow.

Summary: Great day with friend in the sun.. Not too bad on the healthy eating front, but shouldn't eat too much at dinner!