Can you poach an egg?

I think I've eaten 'normally' today...

Breakfast: 2 poached eggs on 2 slices of toast

Lunch: Salted beef bagel

Dinner: Wagamamas beef massumum curry

Snacks: No snacks today

Today has been as crazy busy as Monday and Tuesday this week. I've just got back after spending over 13 hours away from the house and I'm KNACKERED.... 

I certainly think my body is un-learning how to get up at 7:00am every morning which is usually something that only happens at Christmas time. Getting up at 8:00am this morning was painful, however as I was seeing my Mother, it was something that had to be done. Shower... nice cup of tea and breakfast, which today was a couple of poached eggs on toast, rather than my porridge as I just fancied a change. No spread as once you've mashed the egg up, I don't think it needs it.

I always found the saying 'So and So is terrible at cooking, they can't even boil an egg' rather odd, as I find boiling (and poaching for that matter) an egg much harder than say, making a shepherds pie or even making a quiche / curry from scratch. Eggs seem to be a lot, well.. trickier? However, despite the technical difficulty that eggs present to me, I managed to handle it quite well and after munching both slices, headed off for a nice Mother-Daughter day.

After arriving at my parents house, I had a nice cup of tea with my Mum and admired her work in the garden. My Mother loves gardening, as do I - so she was very happy to show me around and talk about all the new flowers she's been putting in the boarders. Looking around, I heard a rustling in one of the flower beds and on closer inspection it turned out to be a HedgeHog! I'm not sure what Mr (or Ms!) Hedgehog was doing during the day time as I thought they were supposed to be asleep... However they looked in good health, so we left them alone in peace. My Mother was rather chuffed to know there was a Hedgehog in the garden as she loves animals like me :-)

Today, my Mother and I went to Great Chalfield Manor which was an absolutely beautiful National Trust property in Wiltshire. Neither myself or my Mother had ever been before so it was lovely to wander round the gardens and also have a guided tour of the house. It's the type of architecture I love - Gothic style :-) After a lovely couple of hours, we headed back into Devizes where we got some lunch at 'The Bistro'. I'd read some really good reviews on Trip Advisor, so wanted to see if they were true. I chose a salted beef bagel and my mother went for a chicken wrap - both were absolutely gorgeous and it was nice just sitting by the window, chatting and watching the world go by.

We did notice some amazing looking deserts walk past us, but both of us were feeling really full so decided not to partake.... After lunch, we went to a local antique auction house - I'd never been to this one before, but we saw the signs when we drove past, so thought we may as well go and have a look - bad mistake (or good, depending on how you look at it) as there are some really beautiful antiques in the form of Oak Coffers... My favourite! Currently I'm unsure as to whether to place an absent bid on them, only because I really don't have anywhere to put them.... but, but.. they're so nice!

My Mum asked if I could drive her to Lidl so she could pick up a few bits and bobs - I haven't been into Lidl for ages and I have to say, I was really impressed with the fruit and veg. I think it's just a familiarity thing that I always shop in Tescos / Sainsburys, even though there's a Lidl pretty close to where I live. I think the thing I was the most impressed with, is the fact that all the chicken had 'The red tractor assurance logo on it - and so did all the meat I saw. I like the fact that despite the difference in price, there still seems to be responsibility on farming animals, something I'm quite passionate about.

I think I might try and do my shopping at Lidl for the next few weeks and see how I get on - I think the only things I might need to go elsewhere for, are Cherry Pepsi max and potentially Dove deodorant and Heinz salad cream.. Those are probably the only brands that I'm really loyal to.. anything else, I'm happy to try :-) 

After getting back to my parents house, I headed off to see my Drama Friend. It was really nice to catch up and we went to Wagamamas for dinner. I decided to try something different, so went for the beef massumum curry. Not the most healthy choice, but I didn't have any sides, nor pudding, so... Yeah, it doesn't feel like I've been a total piggy. To be honest however, it wasn't actually that nice so I don't think I'd have it again - Maybe I'll try something different next time.....

Drama Friend is good - more drama with men, however she's actually decided to go and talk to someone as she has finally admitted that some of her stalking tendencies aren't necessarily healthy. This is a major breakthrough and I'm really chuffed she's going to talk to a professional. She has admitted that she doesn't trust men, and as such, checks what they are doing constantly... checks for texts every 2 minutes and see's when they have last logged onto dating sites - even if she's not that interested in them as she's already expecting them to lie to her.... I certainly don't know the root cause, but hopefully the counsellor will be able to help.

After we finished dinner, we headed to a local bar for a few drinks - I was on Diet Coke as was driving home, whereas she drank a lot of red wine as lived locally so could walk home. Come 10:00pm... I headed home as I was knackered and here I am... back home and all ready for bed :-)

My dramatic friend

Do you have a friend like this?

I’m really lucky to have lots of lovely friends and family. They’re all really positive influences in my life and I’m really grateful that they support me and are usually up for doing crazy stuff with me – be it ghost hunts, trips to National Trust properties, caves or cheap holidays to random places. I know I’m not perfect and have massive anxieties around certain things and I’m grateful my friends accommodate me – My friends aren’t perfect either and in regards to ‘Drama friend’, she’s an intelligent, supportive and really loyal friend who also love cats. 

Unfortunately, when it comes to men, she seems to be rather nuts.

I first met Drama friend when I started my current job, 5 and a half years ago. A couple of weeks before I joined, I drove to the office with my passport and other vetting documents so my clearance would hopefully be through soon after I officially started. Drama friend was the colleague who came downstairs, let me in and chatted to me whilst she photocopied my documents – At the photocopier we learnt that

1. We both lived in the same place

2. We both loved cats

3. We both had cats called Bailey

4. We both liked chocolate

5. We both seemed as crazy as each other.

When I joined, we gravitated towards each other and became really good friends, very quickly. Over the next couple of years, she ended a 7 year relationship with ‘Toby the idiot’ who she lived with as he was messaging other women on Facebook, was irresponsible with money (got to the point he wouldn’t open bills and defaulted on all his credit cards) and was abusive to her on a daily basis calling her ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ but sulking if they didn’t have sex. Once Toby left, she seemed much happier, more confident, started losing weight, going to the gym and generally seemed to have a much more positive outlook on life.

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Dan: She then met Dan at a friends birthday meal. Dan worked with her friend and was also single. They hit it off and started seeing each other – Dan stated from the start that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, that he just wanted to ‘see people’ and that he wasn’t looking ‘to put labels on things’. At first, Drama friend was happy with this stating ‘It’s just sex, I’m only looking for some fun, anyway’, however a few weeks later it was ‘I have strong feelings for Dan’ and finally ‘I love Dan’. Dan however, remained unchanged, stating he was only looking to ‘see people’.

Cue 18 months of on-again, off-again relationships with her not grasping the fact that Dan never wanted to commit. When they ‘broke up’ the first time, she sent him an anonymous valentines card with a 4 paragraph poem in it, citing how much pain she was in and how she knew he’d never love her, like she loved him, but that was OK, as she had enough love for both of them. On the back of the card, she put an email address that she created herself to do with monkeys as apparently he had once bought her a cuddly monkey ‘If he wants to get in contact and know who the card is from, he can email the email address’ she said – Oddly, he never did.

They finally broke up after she tested positive for herpes. Phoning Dan and telling him, he said ‘Oh, that’s not good, I guess we’re going to have to start using condoms’ She said ‘I thought you said you couldn’t use them and that’s why I’ve been on the pill’? Turns out that he’s apparently only allergic to a ‘certain brand’ and he ‘misunderstood her’ when she asked him if he could wear condoms…. Remember – You can’t get rid of herpes so she’s now got that for life.

After breaking up with Dan, she registered on a number of dating sites and met a LOT of men. The paragraphs below are not the entire story, but it gives you an idea of the type of drama she creates.

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Tom: I met her in the work car park one morning and suggested we wander over to Starbucks to grab a cup of tea. She was furiously texting on her phone ‘I’m just emailing Tom to tell him to delete all the sexy photos and videos I sent him as he’s a total liar and I hate him’ Er… Who on earth is Tom? Turns out, she started speaking to him a week ago on a dating site, he lived in the same place as we worked and they were getting on really well, long messages, sending each other ‘adult’ photos etc. After a couple of days he said to her that she seemed really nice but he had a lot of work on that week, so was going to be pulling long hours, so could he give her a shout in a weeks time and maybe they could go for a drink?

I said that sounded pretty reasonable and that actually, he was trying to not mess her around and maybe she should wait to hear from him in a week?  ‘He’s lying’ she exclaimed. I asked her how she knew he was lying and she said that she had worked out what flat he lived in from the photos he had sent her and as we worked in a tall building, our office overlooks his block of flats. She had been looking out of the window, into (what she had concluded was) his flat and had seen the light go on at 5pm… ‘If he was working long hours like he said, he wouldn’t be home to turn his light on’. 

I suggested to her that maybe this wasn’t his flat, maybe he had a cleaner, maybe he was working from home, maybe he had a flatmate, but whatever it was, maybe she was getting too over-invested in this guy after a few days? Nope, she had made up her mind that it was his flat, that he was lying to her and she didn’t like it, so she had confronted him. Needless to say, he had replied to her saying that she seemed nice, but this was a little too intense for him so he was going to say goodbye and blocked her on the dating site.

Unfortunately, he had told her where he worked, so she had gone to his works website, figured out his surname and had worked out the format of his work email address….. She then emailed him a massive long email of her ‘Thoughts and feelings’ as she didn’t see why he should get away with not knowing ‘How she felt’….  

Sadly she only told me this as she was pressing the ‘send’ button on the phone, so I didn’t get the chance to try and talk her out of it.Did it stop there? No… she then found his Twitter Account, joined Twitter and started following him and re-tweeting his tweets. He actually tweeted to her ‘How’s the stalking working out for you?’ to which she got into a massive huff at work and starting telling everyone who would listen ‘Oh, apparently I’m a stalker’, ‘I would go to lunch with you, but I might stalk you, oh? Didn’t you know? I’m apparently a stalker’… 

‘Yeah, I don’t know why I have any friends as I’m a stalker…’

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David: Started chatting to him on a Thursday night and he said he was going up to Leicester for the weekend and would she like to join him? She said yes, so he picked her up less than 24 hours later and drove her to Leicester in his car. She said she could tell her was a ‘Good guy’ as  he’d bought her a present of some Sanctuary products and gave them to her when she got into his car. 

They then spent the entire weekend in his  hotel room, having sex (no, she didn’t tell him she had herpes) and by Sunday, he apparently appeared ‘cold’ and wouldn’t hold her hand. He  dropped her off home and texted her on Monday saying he thought she was a nice woman, but he wasn’t looking for a relationship. She said that  was fine, but could she have her jumper back that she left in his car?

He said he’d drop it over on Tuesday, so she spent 2 hours getting ‘ready’ for him and looked ‘fabulous’ when she opened the door to him,  thanked him for bringing her jumper back and asked him to stay – He stayed. The next day she texted him asking him to meet for a coffee when he was free – He never replied to her. 

When asking her what she felt about the whole situation, she said that ‘She felt like a strong, confident woman who was able to control men’ :-S

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Mike: Mike knew Dan (the 18 month relationship guy) as they worked in the same place and met Drama friend through the same friend who had introduced her to Dan. Mike really, really, really liked Drama friend, however Drama friend wasn’t overly keen until she found out that Dan was slightly jealous of her seeing Mike. 

She invited Mike over to her flat and he drove to her flat, bringing not only 2 bottles of wine, but also a 2 person takeaway for her and him to share. She announced she wasn’t keen on that takeaway so he bought her another one. After a bottle of wine each, they started kissing and he decided to perform oral sex on her – after a few minutes, she told him to stop, she wasn’t ready and he immediately stopped. She refused to kiss him after that and he thought it was because he needed to clean his teeth, he had bad breath etc…. They slept in the same bed and cuddled but even the morning after, she refused to kiss him. He apparently thought this was due to her freaking out about the thought of having a boyfriend so he was very respectful and left. 

When she was telling me this I asked her if his assumption was right and when she was going to see him again. 'Oh, I can't possibly see him gain' she said 'I might get cold sores' - When I queried why this was... all the stuff about him giving her oral sex came out.... Was I disgusted? Yes.. and told her in no uncertain terms. 'My Mother suggested I don't tell anyone about my Herpes as I won't be able to get a boyfriend' she said.. and unfortunately she listens to her Mother more than me at the moment :-S

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Ian: After meeting loads of guys and having sex with them straight away, I suggested she stop doing this as she didn't look like she wasn't finding men who actually wanted a girlfriend. She agreed, so started chatting to Ian from the dating site. As he lived 3 hours away from her, she decided to go and see him, but rather than stay at his house like he suggested, she booked a hotel room. All looking good so far...

After she got back from seeing Ian, he suddenly seemed less responsive - when I asked her if she'd stayed at his house, she said no. 'So maybe he's just decided you're not suited for each other?' I suggested. The she admitted that she did stay in the hotel... With him and that they had slept together 4 times over the weekend. However apparently this was 'different' as they'd discussed going on holiday together, meeting up every couple of weeks and apparently had 'planned a future'.

Contact kept getting more and more sparse and then she got an email saying that she was a lovely person but at the moment he couldn't have a relationship as he had to support his ex girlfriend as her Fat

her had just tried to commit suicide. Now whether this is a true reason or not, wouldn't you just leave it there? Not if you're Drama friend! She found him on Facebook and sent him a friends request 'As she wanted to be a friend to him during this trying time'. Oddly enough, he didn't accept. She then went through his Facebook friends and found his ex girlfriend. She then created a fake Facebook account and sent his ex girlfriend a friends request to try and find out if she was 'in a relationship' with Ian on Facebook. Oddly enough, his ex didn't accept her request either.

She then announced that she was heartbroken and didn't understand why he wouldn't accept her friends request and that maybe it was best for her to come off internet dating for a while - a decision that all of her friends (including myself) suggested was a good idea. 

She deactivated her account for precisely 3 days, before activating it again.

Making the most of the sun

I've found some amazing clothes and I wasn't even looking for them

Breakfast: Oats so simple Golden Syrup porridge and raspberries

Lunch: Jacket Potato with beans and coleslaw, small bottle of apple juice

Dinner:  Ebi Katsu Don, miso soup and Salmon Teriyaki side dish @Wasabi restaurant in Swansea
Snack: 4 mints that my friend gave me whilst walking around the botanical gardens

I've had a lovely day with my friend and I'm really taking advantage of the fact that I'm not worrying about work, I've got so much more headspace. I slept much better and unlike the last few weeks, I didn't wake up at 4:30am, instead waking up at 7:30 to the sun streaming in through the window. 

I was the first one to wake up, so went and had a shower, made my porridge (I brought two pots with me) with raspberries and a nice cup of tea and browsed the internet, waiting for my friend to wake up. This morning we decided we'd go to McArthur Glen outlet village and as we managed to get there 10 minutes before the shops opened, there was plenty of parking and it wasn't busy at all. I have to be honest - I'm really not a shopping kind of person. I really hate queues of people as I'm really impatient and am much more of the 'go in, look around, get out within 1 minute' type of person - If I have to try clothes on, I can usually get in and out of the changing rooms within 2-3 minutes.

We spent about 2 hours wandering around the shops - some shops we knew we wanted to go in (Next, Marks and Spencers etc) and some that we steered very clear from (I'm looking at YOU Cadbury and Thorntons) I didn't really think I'd find anything but was very happy to wander around, chatting to my friend, looking for random presents to buy people for Christmas. My friend said she wanted to go into Phase eight, so I wandered in, looked around and found a V-Neck jumper in maroon, size 16. It was really my kind of jumper - 3/4 length sleaves, looked quite baggy, but long in the body - (Kinda like this but V neck and a different colour) Could it fit? Let's go and see...

I went into the changing rooms and tried it on - I hate looking in the mirror as I hate what I look like, but I was actually really impressed with my figure - the top fitted! It looked amazing and I felt so good in it - I've never bought anything in Phase eight before as it's a shop I associate with slim people. When I looked at the rail again, there was another size 16 jumper in grey... and a size 16 wrap cardigan - This is great! Looking at the price, they were reduced from £55 to £17.50 each - Bargin! Taking all three up to the desk, I was thinking of how I'd tell my sister (who loves Phase eight) 'Oh, you like the jumper? Phase eight daaaaaaaarling' :-)

Feeling rather chuffed with my new purchases, I also found a pair of Skechers shoes with memory foam, size 8 in black, for £30, rather than £55 and a couple of hairbands from Claires Accessories. Mega successful shopping trip! 

As my friend is 14 weeks pregnant, we had to make a number of toilet stops as sadly she's experiencing some morning sickness - It got to 12:00 and she said she was hungry, so we immediately headed to the food court. Looking around, there wasn't a lot of options - A carvery, a noodle bar, Millies Cookies, MacDonalds and a 'Spud U like' - faced with those options, the most healthy option was a jacket potato, so I decided to opt for a baked potato, beans and coleslaw and a small bottle of apple juice - Absolutely perfect :-)

Once we'd eaten, we decided we'd make the most of the sunshine, so headed down the M4 a bit more until we reached the National Botanical Gardens - I'd not been for about 8 years so it was nice to see what had changed. My friend was feeling a bit less sick so we wandered around all the beautiful gardens and then headed to the glass dome to see all the exotic flowers and the mushroom display in one of the side rooms. It was really interesting and as I love flowers anyway, I took the most of the opportunity and took a LOT of photos. 

After a good couple of hours wandering around, we decided to head back to my friends house so she could have a bit of a rest and we could watch some trashy TV including 'Little women LA' (Little people who fight and bitch about each other) 'Teen Mom' (Clue is in the title... pregnant teenagers in America) and Little Britain.

We decided to try and book a restaurant for tonight, however we had to phone 5 restaurants before we were finally able book a table (I guess as it's Saturday night and therefore everywhere is busy) Turns out, it's the restaurant that I used to go to a lot when I worked in Swansea - Wasabi, a Japanese restaurant in the Uplands of Swansea. Table for 2 at 7:30, please!

It was a mixed experience - my Ebi Katsu Don (tempura prawns with rice, egg and onions etc) and salmon teriyaki was lovely, however my friends Chicken katsu curry was cold and despite her sending it back, it came back even colder, with an extra bowl of piping hot katsu sauce on the side :-S I know I ate too much - I was starving, but yet again, my stomach told my brain 'order a main course AND a side dish', yes, it was nice - but I didn't need both and I did feel too full afterwards.

Before heading back to my friends house, we took a quick detour to Tescos - I bought more porridge and food for tomorrow, including more milk for tea. This means that no matter what time I get back home, I don't need to go out for food and can chill tomorrow afternoon :-) It's currently in my friends fridge so I'll just pop it in a cool bag and it will come back with me along the M4.

I'm now going to spend another hour with my friend, watching some weird murder documentary on the CBS reality Show before hopefully having a really good nights sleep and doing the 3 hour drive back home tomorrow.

Summary: Great day with friend in the sun.. Not too bad on the healthy eating front, but shouldn't eat too much at dinner!

Hello from Wales!

I think this week is the week of traffic jams

Breakfast: Oats so simple golden syrup porridge and 1/2 carton of raspberries

Lunch: 1 pita bread with 1/2 pot of houmous, a raw pepper and handful of tomatoes

Dinner: 1 pita bread, baked chicken breast, 1/2 bag of salad and a handful of tomatoes

Snack: Bakewell Tart nakd bar

On Tuesday my Mother and I took 2.5 hours to do a 50 minute journey when we went to Hampton Court and unfortunately it took me 3.5 hours to do a 2.5 hour journey to Wales due to bad traffic on the M4 :-( 

I am now in Wales! Staying with my lovely friend until Sunday morning and am just about off to bed - The day hasn't been too bad really. I had my porridge and raspberries this morning and worked from the office until midday. It's becoming harder and harder to muster up any motivation at all, now that I know I'm resigning on Monday, however I tried my best as I don't really want to doss around even considering how my Boss has treated me.

At lunch time I headed home and spent most of the afternoon answering emails with the TV on in the background. I got really excited at 3pm as al the offer and contract documentation for my new job came through - so that's it... I resign on Monday! I was still ever so slightly worried until I got that email - What if the company change their mind? What if the email never comes? It's funny, as since I got a job offer, lots of other really, really good companies have responded to me sending them my CV.... It's nice to know that other places liked it as well, even if they're a bit too late - it gives me more confidence that I'm not that useless :-)

As I knew I'd be seeing my friend tonight, I planned what I'd eat for dinner and kept it really simple - I baked a chicken breast in BBQ sauce and toasted a pita bread, wrapped them and some salad up in tin foil and plonked it in my bag. I'm glad I did, as by the time I got to my friends house I was really, really hungry so having dinner ready to eat was a Godsend.

I've spent the last 3 hours chatting to my friend and I still don't think we're totally caught up on stuff. The most 'OMG' story was the one she told me about her friend, 'Lisa' - My friend announced she was pregnant and Lisa (who has no boyfriend) apparently said that she was thinking about getting pregnant as well - she found 3 men on a swingers website and slept with them all within one week. She then discovered she was pregnant.... no idea which one the Father was. She contacted all 3 men and 2 said they had had vasectomies (whether that's true or not, who knows?) the third guy turns out to be a good friend of her Fathers and she apparently doesn't even like him.

This Guy has apparently blocked her on Facebook (she's 35 by the way, in case you thought she was a teenager) and she's now complaining that he doesn't want anything to do with the baby.... It's... Yeah, just completely, Wow...

My friend only moved to her house in December, so she's still in the process of decorating, however the room I'm staying in is lovely. She knows I love peacocks, so she called it 'Imogens room' and whilst we have different taste in some places, I do think she's got good ideas about things.

I'd write more, but I'm knackered. Suffice to say, the healthy eating has gone well today and my friend said she's absolutely fine to go to a restaurant tomorrow that has healthy choices so that should be awesome. I think we're shopping tomorrow and then heading off to the beach, so I imagine more gossiping will be done :-)

The comments have started...

'Have you lost weight?'

Is something that some people may wish to hear, however I find it really hard to deal with that question. When I was 19 stone, noone ever said to me 'Have you put on weight?' or pointed out the fact that my trousers were incredibly tight and my shirts were bulging at the front. However when I lose weight, a lot of my family / friends or colleagues will ask me if I've lost weight. As I'm not advertising the fact and noone in real life (apart from my Boyfriend) knows that I'm actively healthy eating and changing my lifestyle, noone really shows any interest in my eating habits UNTIL they notice I'm losing weight.

Tonight I went to see my friend in Twickenham and she redid my eyelashes. I'm now in possession of awesome lashes, but also some mango and sticky rice which she kindly gave to me - I went to Thailand last year which was utterly amazing and one of the deserts I had was mango and sticky rice. As my friend is from Hong Kong, she's had the mango desert a number of times and knows where to find it in the UK, so she kindly gave me a portion. I really appreciate her making the effort, however there was part of me thinking 'Argh! More food!' However it's now safely in the freezer and can stay there until I feel like eating it :-) 

Half way through the 'procedure' she commented on my shape and said it looked like I had lost weight. I went for the half-hearted 'Yeah, maybe, can't say I've been weighing myself' comment which didn't deter her from asking me about my eating habits and what I've been up to recently. Thing is, she's incredibly slim - A size 6/8 maybe, so it's not as if she'd want eating habits from someone who is twice her size! It's funny, how some people always want to know what you've been doing to lose weight, as if you're a weight-loss guru or something.

When she had finished, she showed me to her garden and asked my advice on something - It turns out that an injured Magpie had been in her garden for 3 days and she had been feeding it bread and water but it couldn't fly. She asked me what she should do with it and I suggested calling the RSPB - However, when Googling them, it turns out they're just a charity apparently and actually, it's the RSPCA you should call. As she'd kept the bird alive for 3 days, I suggested giving them a ring as birds usually die within 24 hours if they're badly injured and this one was incredibly perky however seemed to have an injured wing, poor thing. 

I also suggested potentially putting it in a box, inside - as there's no guarantee a cat wouldn't come in the garden and eat it, however suggested asking the RSPCA for guidance first. 

I managed to get back home for 8:30pm and my Boyfriend texted me, saying he'd picked up all my 'winnings' from the auction we went to on Saturday. Behold! My amazing new antiques! I appreciate they're not to everyones taste, however I really like gothic stuff and I was thinking of getting the mirror restored and having it in the hallway - Oh, not that I have a hallway at the moment, but in the house we're going to buy next year :-) I also have 2 camphor wood chests at the moment as well, so this one makes 3 - I think I'll put this one inside the other ones, like a set of Russian Dolls.... 

My mum texted me half an hour ago and told me she's on her way down to my house, so we can leave early tomorrow for an incredibly fun day out. I really enjoyed spending the day with her at the Chelsea Flower Show last month, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be just as fun. It's apparently going to be really hot, so I'm going to ensure I've got a lot of water, sun cream and potentially even a hat so I don't get burnt - and most importantly, I'll make sure I have some healthy food at hand so I'm not tempted to eat rubbish. If my Mum wants a cream tea or some cakes, then I'll gladly buy them for her, but I'm going to save 'treats' for when I get a job offer as I think that's a nice thing to celebrate.

Do you do something you love?

Today has been fantastic

I've mentioned my career before - I work in I.T and have known since the age of 9 that that's what I wanted to do in life. I remember the exact day, when I was at school and the teacher told me that one of the boys in my class (who couldn't make the robotic turtle with a pen, draw a square) could have twice as long on the computer as me 'As he was a boy'. I said to myself, 'I WILL work with computers when I'm a grown up' and put every effort into making that dream happen. My Mother was incredibly supportive and found a BBC Basic computer at a local jumble sale and I used to sit at the kitchen table, writing code - 10, 20, 30, IF THEN GOTO 10... I was ecstatic when, after 1.5 hours, I successfully drew a graphic of a stick man, bouncing a ball.

From then - Everything was focussed towards working in I.T. My GCSE's included I.T, my A levels included Computing - My BSc and PhD were both in Computer Science and I managed to secure a graduate position in one of the 'Big 4' as an I.T. Consultant. It's something I don't regret and I know I'm quite unusual to have realised what I wanted to do at such a young age.

So today was brilliant as my gastric band friend (who also works in I.T.) and I paid a visit to Bletchley Park - Home of the code breakers and of course, the incredibly famous Alan Turing and the Enigma machine. I went once before on my 30th birthday and still believe it was the best Birthday I've had as an adult. It felt so 'right', being in a place that was filled with technology and computers - seeing a whole room of BBC Basics - The computer that started my lifelong affair with the I.T. industry, was just magic.

Breakfast was porridge - Although unfortunately Sainsburys seemed to have suffered a 'Golden Syrup porridge shortage' so I had no option but to buy a few pots of the Caramel one instead. They're OK, but not my favourite taste! I didn't know what the food situation would be at Bletchley, so I also brought some strawberries and a Bakewell tart nakd bar for emergencies. I drove the 40 minutes to my friends house, then we switched cars and she drove us the rest of the way. We made really good time and arrived just after 10:30 - The weather was pretty dire to be honest (lots of rain), so there weren't a lot of people and we managed to buy our tickets straight away without much queuing.

After a quick cup of tea, we started wandering round and reading about the efforts of the brave men and women in the second world war. It's incredibly humbling to read about the conditions that some of the people worked under to help win the war - working in rooms with no natural light or ventilation and standing for hours. Once again, it puts things slightly more into perspective and despite my back hurting after walking around for a few hours, I didn't really think I had cause to complain. 

Bletchley has changed a lot in the last few years. There's a lot more interaction with things and a lot more information to take in. After 'Block C' - the block all visitors head towards and buy tickets, my friend and I wandered to Block B, to see the Bombe machine and learn all about Alan Turing - an absolutely incredible man who unfortunately was too advanced for the period he lived in and as such, was treated appallingly due to his sexual preferences. All of the staff were incredibly friendly and even though I've read about the Enigma machine, been to Bletchley more than once and watched a number of documentaries, the maths behind it still evades me! 

Lunchtime came, and my friend and I decided to head to the cafe to grab some lunch - We both opted for a jacket potato and out of all the usual potato toppings, I opted for baked beans as didn't really fancy cheese, tuna, chicken tikka etc. Thankfully the rain had stopped so we sat outside and chatted whilst noshing on our food - You'll note on the photograph that my potato came with some butter, however I didn't use it. Whilst butter tastes nice, the beans were enough and the whole thing was filling. It was really nice talking to my friend as we had a bit of a 'bonding moment', where she told me she's been much more open with me about her gastric band and feelings as she feels she trusts me and I, in turn, told her about how I felt like a failure due to not getting a job offer this week and how I get really anxious before interview and still feel so scared.

She said she felt the same - and that it's normal. It's odd, as she's made so many changes in her life in the last 2 years (split from her Husband, got a new job, had gastric bypass surgery, lost loads of weight, moved house....) and just appears so 'together' and so 'switched on', that it was oddly reassuring to hear that she sometimes feels like me - a bit worried, not necessarily confident about life. She's an awesome friend, I guess sometimes I don't tell people how worried I am about things and it's nice to feel close to people who feel the same way sometimes.

We did some more wandering before heading over to the National Museum of Computing which was again, amazing as it housed 'Colossus' and some of the very early computers. Despite having to pay additional money to get in (£7.50 per person) we spent over an hour walking around and learning about the early computers, before deciding to call it a day at just after 4pm. If you're thinking about going - GO! Just make sure you put a whole day aside, as there's just so much to take in, it's crazy.

The drive back was uneventful, until I switched cars at my friends house and continued the journey home. Unfortunately, after 15+ years of driving, I can now say that I've hit a pheasant :-( It was dithering at the side of the road and decided to fly across my windscreen as it saw my car coming. It hit my windscreen with a massive 'smack' and as I looked in my rear view mirror, saw lots of fluffy feathers on the road. I couldn't stop as there were cars behind me, and I was doing 50 MPH. 

I feel so guilty at the moment - I would never intentionally hurt any animal or bird and whilst it's not my fault, I hate the idea that I've killed something, or worse, there's a bird in pain thanks to me. There's nothing anyone can do, I know that pheasants seem to want to be run over as they seem to wait until there's a car coming, then charge - but even so, it's just a bit crap.

Dinner tonight was a marinated BBQ chicken breast with rosemary roasted new potatoes from my Riverford box and steamed carrots and peas. Absolutely delicious and now I'm incredibly full, sat on my Sofa, writing this blog and watching the Antiques Roadshow - I know, I know... old before my time :-)

It's been a lovely weekend with my Boyfriend and my friend and I'm focussing on the memories of the last two days to get me through next week at work.

I really, really want chocolate

I don't think I've had such bad cravings for ages

Tonight has been a really nice night. After surviving work, I drove my lovely work colleague round to a mutual friends house and we spent the evening catching up, feeding the donkeys that live in the field next to her house, stroking her cats, eating food and watching 'interesting' things on TV. 

It wasn't as warm as it was during the day, so sadly we couldn't really sit outside, however after a nice cup of tea and hearing how our friends new job was going, we headed outside to say hello to the field of donkeys that live next to our friends house. Our friends house is AMAZING - It's just her and it's the most beautiful 3 bedroomed house in a very 'posh' courtyard with a huge garden that backs onto fields and just has the most amazing views. She rents it, and I think I recall her saying it was about £1,800 a month rent which is a lot more than I pay for a 2 bedroomed house in a slightly different area, however she loves living there and the landlord allows her to have 4 cats, 3 of which I was able to stroke tonight :-)

She put some spicy potato wedges in the oven and opened all the lentil and houmous crisps. I tried my best to eat as slow as I could, however I still think I ate too much - In the grand scheme of things, it's not exactly the crime of the century but even when eating the crisps and spicy wedges, my brain was telling me, 'This isn't good for you'. Thing is, I should be able to eat crisps and wedges every so often and not feel guilty, but I did.... And as such, I don't think I was focussing on my friends and what they were saying as I was getting really worked up over what I was eating.

After eating a LOT of the crisps and wedges, I managed to stop myself from eating more, but it took a lot of willpower - especially as I wasn't stuffed and could have eaten more. It sounds like my friend loves her new job and it was nice hearing about how happy she was - especially as I used to manage her and in January this year, I was told by my Boss I had to dismiss not only her, but another 3 people within my teams as we were 'refocussing on other business areas' (translation: Noone was really monitoring cash flow and the company was in a really bad position and it was getting to the stage we wouldn't be able to pay wages....).

We then watched some interesting programs about bad tattoos and STI's caught by people who had drunken one night stands, before I drove my work friend home. 

I was half way back to my house, when I had a massive urge to drive to Tescos and buy a huge bar of chocolate - I don't know why, it was as if my brain was saying 'You've eaten unhealthy food today, you may as well continue'. I can't explain it, it was so strong and I had what could only be described as an internal argument with my head.

'You should be allowed to eat chocolate if you want, it's not as if you've been eating it for the past few weeks'

'But I am not hungry'

'However you have a desire to eat chocolate and as long as it's not all the time, it's fine'

'If I eat chocolate, I'm not going to lose as much weight and I want to see a lower number when I next step on the scales'

'But one bar of chocolate won't hurt in the long run'

'Maybe I'll buy a small bar'

'Why not just buy a big bar? You don't have to eat it all'

'There's no way I can stop half way through eating a big bar of chocolate'

'Then just buy a big bar'

'No.. as I don't want to feel guilty tomorrow'

And that's how it ended. 

I'm now back at home, with no chocolate, still wanting chocolate but as I've changed into my Pyjamas, I don't think there's any danger about going out and getting any. I have no idea why I currently have such a massive craving for it - I'm half way through my menstrual cycle, according to 'My days' app on my phone, I ovulated yesterday so I don't have PMT or anything like that and I'm not feeling overly emotional. It's almost as if my body just wants something really sweet.

On the one hand, I feel really proud of the fact I've not 'given in', however on the other hand, I'm worried that I'm not being realistic. Eating a small bar of chocolate shouldn't make me feel so guilty or anxious, it should be something I can do and just chill out about. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if someone was eating chocolate, so why can't I do it? Why does it have to be 'all or nothing?'

I'm going to drink my cherry Pepsi Max, watching South Park and head to bed at a reasonable time. I'm also going to reflect on why I feel so anxious and have such inner turmoil about 'bad food'. I shouldn't be looking at food as either 'bad' or 'good' and as I want this to be a lifestyle change, certain foods shouldn't be off limits. 

What to write?

Today has been a really random day 

Not having to get up to the sound of my alarm was absolute bliss and to have a cup of tea in my bed, whilst reading my book was the icing on the cake. My friend wasn't arriving until 11:00am so I had a very leisurely morning, showering, washing my hair, having my porridge with blueberries and doing a few light chores of cleaning the bathroom. 

My friend arrived and announced that 'All men are wankers', suggesting that she wasn't overly happy with her current situation - and that situation is, she is divorcing her Husband of 3 years (been together 5 years) for unreasonable behaviour due to emotional abuse, whilst having an affair with a married man who swears blind he's going to leave his wife next June when his children go to University. I've spoken about my friend before - On the one hand, she's really intelligent and a lovely person, on the other - she seems to have the blinkers on when it comes to men, completely oblivious to her ex-Husband being utterly cruel to her and seems to be equally as oblivious to the fact her current lover isn't necessarily going to leave his wife.

The latest crisis: She rarely goes out, however she did yesterday and went out with a female friend for a few drinks and dinner. Her friend tags her in a Facebook post and puts the comment 'You're a total man magnet' - Married guy sees this on Facebook and gets really upset... What was she up to? Why did her friend put that? What would she think if his friend had put that? Despite my friend pointing out the fact that, she's not responsible for anyone's actions but her own and she didn't speak to any men, her friend was just pointing out she looked really nice, her married lover was still very unhappy as he was apparently 'really jealous' er hello? You're married!

This isn't the first time he's got really 'upset' when she's gone out with friends and despite me saying that it was raising red flags in my head, I don't think she's really appreciating how out of order his behaviour is, especially when she is telling me that his wife doesn't care about him, his wife doesn't lift a finger at home and he does everything... It's like a complete and utter crock of rubbish and when I point out 'Well, that's what he tells you, you do realise, it might not be true and his Wife might be a lovely person who does loads of things?' she doesn't seem to want to accept it....

After an hour or so of listening to her, I decided to try and lighten the mood by suggesting we go into town for lunch - She said she only wanted a panini or something light, so we headed into town for a coffee shop - Costa.... I didn't actually realise, but looking around in Costa, there seemed to be a grand total of 0 healthy options.. like, literally... none at all. I therefore only ordered a green tea and listened to her continue to tell me more and more about her married lover woes whilst drinking my green tea, wishing she would change the subject.

After Costa, I was desperate for food, so we went into Pret a Manager and thankfully they have LOADS of really nice, healthy options. I decided to try one of their vegan salads which I hadn't had before and eating it at home, I have to say, I was most impressed. It certainly filled me up and had one of my favourite foods in it - Houmous!

We then spent the rest of the afternoon watching odd documentaries that I had on my Sky planner including 'The man with no penis', and 'The woman who married the Eiffel tower' which my friend seemed to find amusing. Come 5 O'clock and she headed off, leaving me time to straighten my hair (which is a mammoth task taking over an hour), before heating up a portion of my very tasty Moussaka that I had left over from yesterday and then heading off to the pub to meet my boyfriend and his friends.

Despite having been with my boyfriend for quite some time, I still find it hard to socialise with his friends as I'm actually quite anxious about new people in some ways. I think I'm getting better, but it does take a lot of mental strength to put myself in new situations. Thankfully it was quite a small group and I rocked up just after 6:30pm and had a nice glass of red wine which I sipped quite slowly whilst talking to his friends. I'm now back at home, watching Katie Hopkins 'My Big fat story' which I've seen before, but sadly there seems to be a lack of good TV on Sunday night. I do agree with others that she's a complete troll, however do agree with her RE: the majority (not all) of people and the reason they are overweight - As you eat too much and move too less. 

I can't speak for anyone else, but it's certainly true in my case - Eating less and indeed, eating more mindfully has helped a lot in the last 1.5 months and I'm really excited about continuing my healthy eating and achieving my goal of wearing size 14 trousers on Christmas day. I just need to up my exercise as well :-)