Tuesday, 29 September 2015

I've been looking forward to this all day

Sleeping in until 8:30am is usually unheard of for me

However I definitely needed it and felt a lot better for sleeping for a long time (although I still woke up to go to the toilet during the night!). Today has been incredibly productive, both in work and in my personal life which always makes me feel happy as I like feeling like I've achieved something.

Breakfast was another Soreen malt loaf breakfast bar and at 11:00am I had a banana - Rock and Roll! I didn't know what I wanted for lunch, however when I drove to Tescos, I had a big craving for scrambled eggs on toast, so that's what I went for - with a little ketchup on the top, it was lovely! I then managed to phone up the Bank and sort out another savings account (so I can start saving money as I won't be entitled to maternity pay from my company) and then phoned up the storage company and confirmed a storage Unit from 1st November onwards... The boxes I ordered from eBay turned up shortly after that, so I was happily packing things up, in preparation for moving in with my Boyfriend.

Work wasn't too bad either, considering I was working from home - I had quite a few phone conferences, however they all went fine and I managed to crack on with a few things which was good. 

Then came the meeting I'd been looking forward to for the last 3 weeks - seeing my counsellor. I didn't mention 3 weeks ago, however I turned up to my regular appointment and she wasn't there - it totally and utterly threw me and I was very upset, whilst the logical explanation was that she got the dates I was on holiday mixed up, I couldn't help thinking that maybe she didn't like the fact I said I wasn't happy being pregnant and had decided not to see me any more, or, God forbid.. something had happened to her. 

Nope, it was just the fact she had got the dates mixed up, but I was really upset as wanted to talk to her about the Midwifes appointment and how I was feeling. As I then went on holiday, I hadn't seen her for 3 weeks and it was really good to talk about everything - About how I feel, how scared I am, how worried I am about losing control of my body, putting on weight, things changing - It's just terrifying really. 

Having someone who doesn't judge you, who listens and doesn't tell you how you should feel is really good - especially at the moment. She seemed to understand I was scared and petrified about the thought of a vaginal birth and said that she could understand why I didn't feel I could go through with it. She also said that maybe it would get worse, before it gets better, but it will get better at some point. I'd certainly like to think so - It's not going to be 9 months of feeling like this, surely?

She also said that it's a shock... I started off this year dreading my wisdom teeth removal.. got over that.. had a great job I enjoyed, then I started getting bullied at work... then I changed jobs... and now, 9 months later, I find myself just under 2 months pregnant. Life never stays still, does it? If I took today on its own, I'd be like 'Yeaaah, this is fine, I can do this for 7 months' as I've not been feeling too sick or tired, however I'm just waiting for my mood to flip and feel like crap again.... 

One thing that did make me happy today was my dinner - A baked sweet potato with lots of beans and coleslaw - EPIC DINNER! I don't know why, but I've been looking forward to this all day and it was absolutely perfect, I managed to eat quite a lot of it and not feel sick at all :-) 

Tomorrow night I'm seeing my drama friend which should be nice as I've not seen her for a while actually. Not sure what we'll do in regards for dinner, but I'm sure it will be something nice :-)

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