My weight graph

Sometimes a visual aid can help quite a lot.

In terms of healthy eating, today has been great - at the end of this week I'll have been healthy eating for 3 weeks and at the moment, I'm still feeling incredibly motivated and still want to reach my goal of size 14 trousers by Christmas.

Breakfast was malt loaf and a banana - My penultimate breakfast as I only have one banana left and after that, I'm thinking I'll switch to something else so I don't get bored :-) Lunch was a really nice BBQ chicken and bacon salad - I only needed one of the 'Be good to yourself' rashers of bacon to make it taste really nice (1.2g of fat and 65 calories per slice) which was a cunning plan indeed.... I also added approx 35g of cheese which made it taste AMAZING - You don't actually need a lot of cheese to create something that feels really luxurious but isn't too unhealthy for you..

Working from home, I had a few moments in the afternoon to faff around on my laptop as I was on a conference call where I didn't need to input anything. Whilst sorting out some of my folders, I came across my weight tracker that I started in January 2015. This was my 'last' attempt at weight loss which lasted 3 months before I gave up, got in a negative thought cycle and ate crap for a few months until I started this blog.

Since I had a few moments, I updated the graph with the results I have posted in my weigh-ins page and this is what it has looked like this year.

Considering how bad I've felt for the last few weeks about 'pigging out' on my garden leave, I'm actually pretty chuffed about the downward trend. You can see I started off at 104Kg on 2nd January 2015 and in July I was 91Kg - 13Kg lost? That's rather spiffing :-) 

You can also see where my weight went back up after my 3 month 'Sod it, I've broken my diet so I'll just eat crap again' mindset - However in less than 3 months, I had decided to start this blog and get back into the healthy eating mindset. 

I've not weighed myself for the last 6 weeks, but I plan to do so at the end of this month. I'd really like to see a figure under 91Kg, however even if it's more, there's no way it will be a lot more (in my opinion) and I can get cracking on seeing 'eight something' on the scales before too long.

That makes me feel really good about myself - it also goes to demonstrate that one meal, or even one day or a whole blinking week doesn't make a difference in the 'overall life plan' and that I really shouldn't be so controlling in regards to what I eat. However I find it really hard to practice what I preach.

The rest of the day went quite well and was quite productive - after work I went to see my beautician friend who gave me a lovely facial and waxed my eyebrows (ouch!). Despite it now being after normal work hours I actually have a conference call with America in a few minutes which should be interesting as it's providing guidance to people in America about something I know but haven't ever actually done... I'm actually slightly nervous as it's incredibly Senior people so I don't want to cock it up or come across as an idiot.... Fingers crossed it goes well :-)

Dinner tonight was a bit of an odd one - I decided to 'slum' it a bit and get some ready made carrot and swede mash from Sainsburys with some broccoli. I know it sounds a bit weird, but I wanted something filling as it's getting colder outside and for the last few days I've not only been wearing a jumper inside but also fluffy slippers as my feet are constantly cold.

I'm really looking forward to the end of the week - not only because it's been a lot more mentally challenging than last week but also because on Saturday morning I can pee on a stick and find out whether or not my life will drastically change in 9 months time... This will be... interesting!

First July weigh in - More weight lost

Not only is it Friday, but I weigh less than I did a week ago

I’m aware that my weight loss blog is more of an Eastenders plot line at times than a healthy food blog, however I’ve noticed I tend to gravitate towards drama, preferring to be on the outskirts than have it in my life as a focal point. I think that’s why I like watching trashy TV such as ‘Geordie Shore’ and ‘The Valleys’ and all the incredibly factual and interesting Channel 5 documentaries, that obviously deal with profound social issues, e.g. ‘The woman who married the Eifel Tower’ in a caring and socially responsible manner (Take the last sentence with a very heavy dose of sarcasm!).  Tonight will be no different as I’m going to see my Drama friend, who will no doubt tell me about her latest man problem as well as how’s she getting on at her new job.

Despite my future being more secure, I didn’t sleep very well last night and I assume that’s because I knew I was in the office today, trying to find things to do for 8 hours. How people can deal with no being busy is beyond me, it seems like the most soul destroying thing ever, more so if you haven’t slept very well! Since I got the job offer my desire to step on the scales has subsided – almost as if I don’t need to control that aspect of my life as tightly as other parts of my life aren’t as chaotic as before. Nevertheless, I thought I’d step on the scales today and see what they said – Before I did, I had an internal dialogue with myself.

Your period was due yesterday, it’s not here yet which suggests you’ll still be more bloated and are retaining more water than usual

'What if I am? It’s not a big deal'

What will you do if you don’t see the number you want? Are you going to be upset?

'No, I won’t.. If the number isn’t what I want, I don’t care, I’ll carry on regardless.'

I think that’s the right attitude and one I’m still fighting – the ‘I’ll carry on regardless’ attitude as my body isn’t 100% predictable and this isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.

Crikey, that’s rather spiffing. I’m well happy with that! So, I’ve now gone from 99.9K to 91.0Kg which takes my total weight lost to 8.9Kg or 19.6lbs or… 1 stone and 5.6 lbs :-) That’s despite ‘red wine gate’ which proves once again, I need to try and relax my anxiety around binge eating and if it happens, accept it and just continue to make healthy choices the next day, and the day after that – It won’t undo all my hard work and it’s not the end of the world if I eat something unhealthy. I even had a pizza on Wednesday and a hot chocolate – and I’m still losing weight, so I definitely need to continue to try and sort my thinking out and not be too hard on myself.

So far today, work hasn’t been too bad as there doesn’t seem to be that many people in, which is good. A lot of the Senior people don’t seem to be around, so I’ve been left to my own devices and don’t have to appear busy or pretend that I’m actually doing work… At lunch time, my lovely work friend and I decided that rather than visit ASDA, we’d go even more crazy and try the nearest Co-op instead (Rock and Roll) so we headed out at midday and explored what healthy (and in her case, vegan) things we could find at the Co-op.

Well, my lovely friend was happy as they had her vegan 'Tuti Fruiti' doughnuts, so she grabbed some of them whilst I had a look at what I could find that was healthy. I have to say, I wasn't overly enthused with the healthy options when it came to lunch time. Out of all the sandwiches and wraps, there was a 'Beef burrito' wrap that seemed OK on the calorie and fat numbers, however it was tiny. Apart from that, I could have had a prawn mayonnaise sandwich, but, well.. I'm not overly keen on mayonnaise. 

Rather than default to my usual lunch time food and run to the houmous pots, I decided I'd go 'low carb' for a change and bought some meat and eggs. Unlike the other supermarkets - rather than just buy boiled eggs, the Co-op offered me two boiled eggs with some mustard mayonnaise on the side. Can't say I'm overly keen on that, but hey.. I didn't have to eat it :-)

Would I buy that again? If I had to shop at the Co-op, then maybe. I think the problem is, I don't usually shop at these shops, so knowing what they sell and being able to choose something quickly is much harder as I don't know what's healthy for me 'Off the top of my head'. I can't say I'd want to eat meat and boiled eggs every day, however - It's not the most healthy thing in the world and I actually prefer the idea of getting vitamins into my body - hence the raw pepper, the cucumber and tomato choices which I eat with houmous.

I'm blogging now as I don't know what I'm going to eat with my Drama Friend tonight. I don't know if we're going out or she's cooking, or what's happening - I'll update tomorrow with my food choices, however wherever we go, I'll do my best to make my choice a healthy and tasty one!

End of June

I felt very nervous stepping on the scales this morning

Despite having an interview at lunch time today, I actually slept OK, only waking at 4:50am, so had managed to get about 6 hours of sleep - Not amazing, but certainly better than the last time I had an interview. I had been quite sensible last night and got my outfit ready for today - a combination of smart black jeans and a shirt. Normally I'd wear a suit to an interview, but as I'm working today, I need to be clever as we operate a casual dress code and if I came to work in a suit, everyone would notice something was happening straight away.

OK... Here we go:

Wow and wow. I stepped onto the scales 3 times as I wasn't sure they were accurate (I really think they're a rough guide as they seem to change a lot) but the same number was staring back at me each time. This brings my weight loss to exactly 7Kg, or 1 stone, 1.5 lbs in 2 months. Am I happy with this? Absolutely. I'm really happy as the number is going in the right direction, e.g. down! 

I'm now in the London office and it's really quiet. I'm hoping it stays like this and I can get my head down and do some work before heading out at lunch time. Despite it professing to be 'The hottest day of the year' I seem to be doing OK at the moment and am neither too sweaty, nor too hot. I''m hoping this can continue so that I look acceptable at lunch time :-)

So how has June been for me? Pretty good in regards to my healthy eating and weight loss, I think. In June, I:

1. Went on holiday and ate out 3 days in a row, one day included eating out a lunch time as well.

2. Ate macaroons and other things at the BBC Good Food Show

3. Ate crisps and potato wedges at my friends house for dinner

4. Only managed to go to the gym once in the last month which is pretty crap for me and I want to try and do better

So, despite doing the things above, I have managed to lose more than half a stone - I think it's important for me to continue to get it into my head that eating badly or not as healthy as I could for one day, won't make a massive difference, it really is the long term goal and as long as I'm eating well and making the right healthy choices most of the time, there shouldn't be an issue. I mean, I even managed to lose weight when I was on holiday because I was making the right choices when in restaurants and I think that's the thing I'm most proud of this month.

I'm also proud of the fact I really have made a massive effort to eat less processed food and this goal has certainly been achieved. My staple lunch of 'Pitta bread, houmous, tomatoes and raw pepper' has worked out pretty well for me and I'm also making dishes I've never made before, like broad bean houmous or healthy moussaka involving the Devils food of aubergines. 

Despite all the crap with my work, I've not turned to food as a comfort and this is honestly the first time in my life I've been able to cope without my BBQ Rack of ribs, bottle of wine and massive chocolate bars each night. Want to know something even more weird? Most of the time, I don't miss that food at all! I've been trying to eat 3 meals a day and not snack between meals unless I feel genuinely hungry. 

My goals for July are:

1. Do more exercise. I'd like to try and exercise at least once a week, just to keep my general fitness levels up.

2. Continue to eat less processed food as much as possible and cook more.

3. Drink more water - Most of the fluid I take into my body is tea, diet coke or Cherry Pepsi Max. Now I KNOW I won't be giving up Cherry Pepsi Max as I love it and don't care if it's unhealthy (I'm human, we all have our addictions) but drinking more water and cutting back on tea and diet coke can hardly be a bad thing.

4. Focusing on portion size - I DEFINITELY give myself huge portions and if I listen to my body properly, I throw a lot of my food away as I'm already full. 

I don't want to add any more goals as I need the head space to deal with work stuff and I want to make small changes each month so they feel achievable. I'm looking forward to what July has to offer and am still really motivated to continue my healthy eating journey and stop using food as an emotional crutch :-)

The comments have started...

'Have you lost weight?'

Is something that some people may wish to hear, however I find it really hard to deal with that question. When I was 19 stone, noone ever said to me 'Have you put on weight?' or pointed out the fact that my trousers were incredibly tight and my shirts were bulging at the front. However when I lose weight, a lot of my family / friends or colleagues will ask me if I've lost weight. As I'm not advertising the fact and noone in real life (apart from my Boyfriend) knows that I'm actively healthy eating and changing my lifestyle, noone really shows any interest in my eating habits UNTIL they notice I'm losing weight.

Tonight I went to see my friend in Twickenham and she redid my eyelashes. I'm now in possession of awesome lashes, but also some mango and sticky rice which she kindly gave to me - I went to Thailand last year which was utterly amazing and one of the deserts I had was mango and sticky rice. As my friend is from Hong Kong, she's had the mango desert a number of times and knows where to find it in the UK, so she kindly gave me a portion. I really appreciate her making the effort, however there was part of me thinking 'Argh! More food!' However it's now safely in the freezer and can stay there until I feel like eating it :-) 

Half way through the 'procedure' she commented on my shape and said it looked like I had lost weight. I went for the half-hearted 'Yeah, maybe, can't say I've been weighing myself' comment which didn't deter her from asking me about my eating habits and what I've been up to recently. Thing is, she's incredibly slim - A size 6/8 maybe, so it's not as if she'd want eating habits from someone who is twice her size! It's funny, how some people always want to know what you've been doing to lose weight, as if you're a weight-loss guru or something.

When she had finished, she showed me to her garden and asked my advice on something - It turns out that an injured Magpie had been in her garden for 3 days and she had been feeding it bread and water but it couldn't fly. She asked me what she should do with it and I suggested calling the RSPB - However, when Googling them, it turns out they're just a charity apparently and actually, it's the RSPCA you should call. As she'd kept the bird alive for 3 days, I suggested giving them a ring as birds usually die within 24 hours if they're badly injured and this one was incredibly perky however seemed to have an injured wing, poor thing. 

I also suggested potentially putting it in a box, inside - as there's no guarantee a cat wouldn't come in the garden and eat it, however suggested asking the RSPCA for guidance first. 

I managed to get back home for 8:30pm and my Boyfriend texted me, saying he'd picked up all my 'winnings' from the auction we went to on Saturday. Behold! My amazing new antiques! I appreciate they're not to everyones taste, however I really like gothic stuff and I was thinking of getting the mirror restored and having it in the hallway - Oh, not that I have a hallway at the moment, but in the house we're going to buy next year :-) I also have 2 camphor wood chests at the moment as well, so this one makes 3 - I think I'll put this one inside the other ones, like a set of Russian Dolls.... 

My mum texted me half an hour ago and told me she's on her way down to my house, so we can leave early tomorrow for an incredibly fun day out. I really enjoyed spending the day with her at the Chelsea Flower Show last month, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be just as fun. It's apparently going to be really hot, so I'm going to ensure I've got a lot of water, sun cream and potentially even a hat so I don't get burnt - and most importantly, I'll make sure I have some healthy food at hand so I'm not tempted to eat rubbish. If my Mum wants a cream tea or some cakes, then I'll gladly buy them for her, but I'm going to save 'treats' for when I get a job offer as I think that's a nice thing to celebrate.

Don't take the piss

My Emotions are up and down like a rollercoaster and it doesn't look like it's going to stop any time soon.

After the rather fraught day yesterday and the fact I didn't get offered the job, I managed to sleep slightly better and got up at my usual time of 7:15. I had a missed delivery from Royal Mail last week and didn't really have time to collect it before this morning, so headed over to the Post Office to pick up my parcel before heading to work - The oddest thing has been happening recently and I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to it or not, but it seems like a lot more men are opening doors for me and being generally, well... more nice. 

When I was heading to the Post Office, this bloke got to the door a good 5 seconds before me and rather than going in, he held it open and gestured for me to go before him. I'll say right here and now, I'm a feminist - I believe in equality between men and women and I'm more than capable of opening doors. However, I'm also a human being and as such, didn't want to offend him or be rude, so smiled and said 'Thank you ever so much' and went through - he was trying to be nice, so why say anything else? This seems to be happening more and more recently and I don't know if it's because I've been straightening my hair more and the sight of long, blonde hair is changing peoples actions, or is it because I'm losing weight? It will be interesting to see if it continues to happen...

My parcel was a rather nice black jumper from eBay, so I'm looking forward to wearing that in a months time - It fits perfectly at the moment and is really flattering.  Hopefully it won't be too big at Christmas time  :-) I headed into work with half the box of Bakewell Tart nakd bars that got delivered yesterday as my vegan work friend also really likes them and we agreed to split the box. Rather than just dump them on her desk, I thought I'd make a rather pretty 'heart shape' which she seemed to appreciate when she got into the office.

Work was rather boring until lunch time, then I decided I'd head home and work from home this afternoon as I had a telephone interview at 1:00pm. I grabbed some lunch from Marks and Spencers (my usual pita bread, houmous etc) and as soon as I got home, fired up my laptop and continued to work until 1:00pm. 

I've not worked from home in about 2 months and even though it's perfectly acceptable, I don't want to appear to take the piss. I also thought that as I had a telephone interview, it wasn't fair to go over my lunch hour by much as despite how horrible the company is at the moment, they are paying me to do a job and work for them. Equally, all the job interviews I've had to date - I've taken holiday. I've not 'been ill', I've never lied about where I was or what I was doing and more importantly, I still have my integrity. Work is crap, I hate it and I feel sick every day I have to go in - However I refuse to stoop to a low level of not working when I'm supposed to work as that's just, well... wrong?

The similarities between not taking the piss at work and not taking the piss when healthy eating has been the thought that's been dominating me for the past few hours. You know what's good for you, you know what's bad for you - You know if you eat 5 chocolate bars and crisps in a day, the chances of you losing weight is fairly slim. However, that's absolutely fine - Unless you're moaning to others about 'Why aren't you losing weight?' I've had it with ex work colleagues - They tell me they're on a diet, decide to go on a 'juice cleanse' or a have 10 slim fast shakes lined up on their desk and make a big song and dance about what they're doing. Then an email goes round about 'Birthday Cake in the kitchen' or 'Leftover Pizza to go to a good home' and they're the first ones literally running to grab a large slice. 

I used to be like this to a degree - Not regarding birthday cake at work, but in regards to kidding myself about what I was eating. I'd be dieting all day and then at night I'd eat a big bar of chocolate knowing that it was bad for me, but still stepping on the scales the next day believing there was still a small hope I may have lost weight. Oddly enough, I never did. 

I am not taking the piss when it comes to my work and I'm not taking the piss when it comes to my body - I'm still eating healthy food 3 times a day and it's working. I'm losing weight at a sensible rate. Looking to the future, I want to keep my integrity on both - Hopefully for all of my life. 

... Oh, and I think I aced another telephone interview - He said it would be 'disappointing' if I didn't come and work for him, so I'll wait and see on that one! 

I stepped on the scales again

At least my headache seems to be going

After a really nice night with my work friend where we made Vegan sushi, watched the last episode of Geordie Shore and the first 3 episodes of ‘Judge Geordie’ – where Viki Patterson (from Geordie Shore) goes around the UK, helping people by ‘judging’ their relationship problems (We loved it), I headed up to bed and tried to sleep. Unfortunately I slept really badly and kept waking, worrying about the fact I had my annual appraisal today with my Boss at lunch time.

I think I got about 2 hours sleep last night and when I finally managed to get to sleep – my alarm woke me up. Getting up, I had this massive sense of panic and felt completely useless about everything – my life, my job, my healthy eating… I even started worrying that my boyfriend was going to leave me. It’s not a normal feeling, but it felt so intense. I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t useless and decided to step onto the scales and see if my continued healthy eating had paid off.

The figure was lower and I felt a massive sense of relief – I’m not useless, I can do things right. However I then felt cross with myself as I’m depending on a plastic and metal calculator with batteries to provide some of my self worth. After putting my jeans on, I noticed I had to pull them up more, they appeared looser and when looking at myself in the mirror, I definitely think I’ve lost some of my ‘fat rolls’ around my waist. Wow. 93.9Kg. That’s 6Kg or 13.2 lbs – that’s so close to a stone and I’ve still got another week to go to achieve my desire weight loss target.

Getting into work, I did my normal routine – Porridge with blueberries with a nice cup of tea, job hunting online and replying to any emails that any of the overseas offices had sent overnight. The morning went quite slowly, although I was constantly aware of the time. It reached 12:00 and I started to feel sick, at 12:30, my Boss said ‘Right, appraisal time?’ and so it started….

Considering how I’d imagined it in my head for months, it wasn’t as bad as I had thought, however it wasn’t good. My 2 major failures are within 2 departments and whilst I can do good things, do exceptional work, support other areas – my failures outshadow any good things. One of my departments will be taken away from me so I can focus on the others (I have lots… I don’t think this is a good thing, more a curse) and my Boss needs to see results quickly. He wasn’t as horrible as he was a few months ago, when he sat me down on the 31^st March and said ‘I needed to reconsider my position at the company’, but he wasn’t happy with my performance….

Outcome: I’m not sacked.

Outcome: I feel really demotivated

I didn’t leave the meeting until after 1:30pm, so was really hungry for lunch. I headed into town straight away to clear my head and managed to effectively ‘sleep walk’ to Marks and Spencers to pick some things up. I actually think it’s a really positive thing that my default lunch options are healthy choices, even if they are a bit boring day after day.

Back in the office, I had more recruiter calls and I’ve now got another face to face interview set up for next Wednesday. I’ve also got another telephone interview so things seem to be moving in the right direction. Unlike things for my ‘Drama’ friend who sent me messages and screenshots of her conversation with one of the men off OK Cupid, berating the fact they were replying to her with one word answers… STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE, DRAMA FRIEND!

Tonight, I’ve got my counselling session and then I’m seeing my boyfriend and cooking myself a really nice dinner of ‘lightly smoked mackerel’, new potatoes and steamed vegetables. I don’t think I’ve ever done mackerel before, however it was reduced to £2 in Marks and Spencers so I thought I’d try it and also use up some of the vegetables that were delivered in my vegetable box last Friday. I’m then going to ‘prep’ for my SIX INTERVIEWS tomorrow in London – They start at 09:30 and finish at 16:00. I think I’m going to be knackered!

Mantra: I’m not sacked, I can still pay the bills and I WILL be leaving the company soon…. 

Mid June weigh in

'I have no idea if I'm going to lose any weight this week'....

... were my thoughts as I stepped onto the scales this morning.

Wow. That's, like totally awesome and a little worrying - Whilst it's a lovely number, that's a large amount lost in just one week. In fact, in one week, that's another 1.4Kg lost and brings my weight loss to a rather nice 5.3Kg or 11.6lbs - Certainly heading towards a stone! 

As I'm only exercising once a week, I'm  not counting calories and am just trying to make healthy choices most of the time. I'd expect to lose approximately 1lb a week so I'm a bit worried about the number, rather than ecstatic as I want my weight loss to be slow and steady. The scales aren't great, so I did try jumping on them on and off 3 times, but the number remained the same. This could be a number of things, but one thing I don't want to do is starve myself or get obsessed with numbers, so I'm going to continue eating 3 healthy meals a day and see how the next 2 weeks go. 

Thinking to the end of the month, I'd like to lose at least another 2lbs so that I can smash the 'one stone' mark soon after that, however *taps head* it's not the number on the scales that matters overall - It's how I feel and what I'm putting in my body.

Right. I know what to do... I'm going to keep going and I'm NOT going to step on the scales again until the end of the month... Tuesday 30th June will be the next weigh in :-)

Post holiday weigh in

I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to resist

Part of me was really worried, as despite making sensible choices when on holiday, I wasn't sure if I was really focused on my portion control and despite not indulging in any puddings or cakes, I was stealing a corner off of millionaires shortbread off my boyfriend, or a mouthful of his chocolate flapjack.

I was also worried as I'm back at work today (in the office now, thankfully I don't officially start for another 20 minutes) so if I'd seen a huge number on my scales, I'd have felt really frustrated and that would definitely have impacted my mood.

I have to say, I'm really chuffed with the result.

That's another 0.7Kg (1.5lbs) lost since May 30th which isn't the most amazing amount ever, but that's a solid loss and I'm really happy with that. I'm also excited about seeing the new number: 95 on the scales! 

So in total, I've lost 3.9Kg, or 8 1/2 lbs - In a few weeks, I'm hoping I'll be saying I've lost a stone and then I'll do another 'underwear' shot and see if I can see a physical difference.

7 lbs lost!

I'm such an impatient person - not sure I can change that fact AND change my lifestyle at the same time though :-)

Hello weekend! Today I slept in until 8:48am which is a miracle for me as usually I still wake up at about 7:00am, whether it's a week day or not. I think it had something to do with the annoying pigeon sat in a tree outside my bedroom window coo-ing at 5:00am this morning......

Either way, got up, had a shower - there's something really nice about getting out of the shower, all clean, knowing you aren't working today or tomorrow. Once again, the slim, shiny, square thing was looking at me 'Come on, step on me.. it's been a few days, you know you want to....' I said I wasn't going to step on the scales until the end of the month, so it's *nearly* there! 

I have to say, I was quite chuffed with the result.

9th May start weight 99.9Kg

30th May current weight 96.7Kg

This means I've lost 3.2Kg which is 7lbs, so half a stone! I'm really, really happy with that result and it's been achieved 95% through changing my diet as I've not been in the gym since I started my healthy eating, just been on a few long walks and some short ones. 

If I keep the same weight loss up:

End of June - 1 stone

End of July - 1.5 stone

End of August - 2 stone

End of September - 2.5 stone

End of October - 3 stone

End of November - 3.5 stone

End of December - 4 stone.

Wow... even just looking at what I could achieve by a mere 7lbs a month is awesome - even achieve HALF of that, should mean I'm able to fit into size 14 jeans by Christmas and I'm not changing that goal.... 

To celebrate I had..... exactly the same breakfast I would have had regardless of what the scales say. I'm not keen on the saying 'Don't reward yourself with food, you're not a dog', but I do agree with the sentiment, I don't want to treat myself with food and it's not a short term fix. 

Therefore breakfast was a nice cup of green tea (well jasmine tea really, as I honestly think plain green tea tastes like puddle water) and porridge. It's struck me that I should actually change my breakfasts on a weekend as I don't have an excuse that I need to 'grab and go', so once I'm back from my Northumberland Holiday next week, I'm going to focus on doing healthier breakfasts that aren't so 'ready-mealish' however as instant porridge is working for me at the moment and I enjoy it, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. 

Wearing my lovely new earrings I got from eBay, I'm now off to pick up my partner and head off for the Brewery Tour :-)

Weight Loss + PMT = Impossible?

Why can't I seem to lose weight when I have PMT?

One of the only times I’m not keen on being a woman is when ‘Aunt Flo’ is in town. However, it’s not due to the stomach aches or general cravings – it’s mostly due to the fact I feel bloated and no matter how healthy I’ve eaten or what exercise I’ve done, if I step on the scales 3-4 days before my period, I may as well have eaten 20 muffins and a few tubs of ice-cream.

Why do I always seem to put on weight before my period? It’s like an eternal curse and I also find it really de-motivating.

I honestly do sometimes want to go and stuff my face with junk food as I think ‘What would it matter? It’s not like I can lose weight at the moment, anyway’…

However, obviously that’s not the right attitude to have, and apparently there are loads of reasons why us ‘lucky’ ladies put on weight (0.5 lbs to 8 lbs). Namely:

1.Progesterone Hormone – Each cell of our body retains an extra microscopic drop of water (Hurrah!)

2.Magnesium levels in the body - These typically go down in the days before our menstrual period starts. As they drop, insulin levels rise resulting in the need for more sugar - so we actually do crave more chocolate / sweet stuff and as we all know ‘a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips’

3.We bloat – It’s so attractive, isn’t it? We can bloat due to increased gas in our intestine, constipation, or the fact we feel just so crappy, we decide to watch TV on the sofa, rather than hit the gym..

Doesn’t really help the old motivation though, I have to say… I daren’t go anywhere near the scales which really frustrates me as I really want to know if I’m doing well or not.  Equally, I feel crap and icky and when I feel crap – I reach for the comfort food as I am an emotional eater.

Apart from stress, my period is certainly the other time I find it hard to eat healthily.

So, what can I do to try and stay motivated?

1.Meal plan – Tonight I’m looking forward to finding out what lovely vegetables I’ve got in my vegetable box and cooking them with a Quorn pesto escalope

2.Don’t have any chocolate in the house – Nope, none whatsoever (First time for everything!)

3.Give me some ‘me time’ – I’m going to have a nice bath tonight, paint my toenails and watch TV, wearing my Cow onesie.

4.NOT STEP ON THE SCALES FOR AT LEAST 4 DAYS – I’m going to try and stay away from the scales until at least Tuesday morning – I know I said a month, but I’m so impatient! Either way, there’s no point in stepping on them at the moment as I don’t think I’d like the result.

5.Drink more water – Apparently this can help the bloating (Weird huh? It’s like ‘Hey you’re bloated so DRINK MORE WATER’, but may as well give it a try)

I guess I'll report back in a few days as to whether or not this works, but I'd like to think it will - I've never really thought about my periods and how it affects my thinking about weight loss. Maybe by approaching it in a more thoughtful manner, I'll be able to stay on track and stay motivated!

Green Tea benefits

It tastes like dishwater

Well, that's what I think about normal green tea - the stuff you can buy in the normal type of tea bags. I think it's far too bitter and even if all the health benefits are true, I don't think it would be sustainable to drink something I genuinely dislike. 

However, whilst I dislike normal green tea, I actually really like jasmine tea - I find all of the bitterness has gone and it's much more gentle. Some may dislike it as it's more fragrant, I guess that's just personal taste, however if you've only tried the normal green tea, I would certainly suggest you give jasmine tea and perhaps, other flavours a try before you write off green tea entirely. 

So why am I drinking it? Well, I guess the first reason is because I actually like it! As I said at the beginning of my weight loss journey, I wasn't going to force myself to eat or drink anything I didn't like.

Any other reasons? Well, if the science behind green tea is to be believed, green tea has a number of health benefits.

1. Weight Loss - It is thought that the antioxidants catechins and caffeine in green tea may have a role in helping the body burn more calories (However there have been studies that say that's not necessarily the case - http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD008650.pub2/abstract

2. Lower cholestrol - It is thought that green tea could help lower cholesterol and blood pressure thanks to its catechins 

3. Can protect against Alzheimer's disease - Tea is rich in antioxidants which protect against the nerve cell death associated with dementia and Alzheimer's disease.

However... Science is changing every day. Some research institutes say these aren't proven, some say they are and some say they could be true, however longer term studies are needed. If it's not true, why would you force yourself to drink something that doesn't taste nice for potentially no benefit at all?

I'm drinking 1 cup a day in the morning at the moment... I don't know if it's going to have any positive affect on me, however I feel good about myself and that's all that matters :-)

Weigh in - The dreaded scales

I totally agree with the points above - I think I've done really well for the last 5 days.. I've had loads of determination, have eaten really well and somehow have managed to remain positive, despite work not being great (and when you're there for 9 hours a day, it takes a toll on your mental state if you're not happy).

However, I'm also a really impatient person - I want to see results! I can't help it, It's not necessarily a good thing, when you're not trying to diet and do a quick fix but genuinely want to change your lifestyle and lose weight in a controlled way. 

Once I woke up this morning, for some reason I decided, 'f**k it, I want to see what I weigh'.. so I stepped on the scales.

And there we go... I am 99.9Kg or 15.7 stone. I have to say, I was pretty shocked I was so much - I managed to get down to 14 stone in February, so to put on 1.5 stone in 2 months is quite bad, however it shows that I really have been overeating and not looking after myself. I feel a little bit embarassed that I've put so much on, however I also feel less anxious - as if, now I know the 'damage', I can work towards seeing the number decrease and even if I only weigh myself once a month, this should be a good indicator as to whether I'm going in roughly the right direction.

No, I don't want to get obsessive and weigh myself every day - I've done this and it ruled my life - When I was pre-menstrual, I'd weigh myself and get upset that the scales showed a larger number even when I'd have been 'good', This really demotivated me and I'd be really obsessed with trying to get the number on the scales back down to what I wanted - hardly a fun way to live and also, not really sustainable.

OK, so now I know - I am 99.9Kg.

I won't weigh myself until the end of this month now, however when I do, I'd like to see a different (smaller) number. 

I'm just reiterating my mantra in my head - ' One day at a time - keep motivated, no dieting, just healthy eating....'

Sushi in London

I think they're all a bunch of idiots, but I did vote!

So after I had eaten breakfast, I went to vote - This proved more problematic than I estimated as I seemed to have lost my keys. I knew they were in the house somewhere as I'd deadlocked the front door, however it took me 20 minutes of faffing around to find them :-/ Once I had found them (after nearly resorting to going out the back door and using my spare car key) I went off to vote and then headed to London.

Before going to the office, I took a pit-stop in Pacadilly as I wanted to go to the Japan centre to get some sushi for both lunch and dinner. I love Japanese food, especially sushi. 'Urgh, I hate raw fish' is what I'm usually told when I tell people I eat it regularly... but here's the thing: It's not raw fish - Sushi actually means literally 'Vinegar flavoured rice' Raw fish is actually 'Sashimi' and there is so much more to sushi than fish... You can eat it even if you are vegan (cucumber maki, for example....). 

I got there at 9:40, only to be told they don't actually open until 10:00, which was a bit of a pain, so after grabbing a quick cup of tea in Costa, I wandered in to grab some lovely food, however sadly a lot of the shelves were empty as they hadn't put any out yet! I have to say, it was a bit frustrating - It's lovely as it's so fresh, however I really wished there was more variety - there's usually loads.

I know loads of people eat sushi, but some of you guys seem to be scared to make it - Honestly, it's really easy! The first couple of times I was rather reticent, however once you've tried a couple of times, it's not as fiddly as you think and is really, really yummy - you don't even really need to go to any 'specialist' shops as you can buy most of the things in a large supermarket...

The first picture below is stuff I made in 2014 - I've done it about 20 times now and my friends and family always seem to be pleased :-) The second picture is the Sushi I bought from the Japan Centre - just as yummy!

Work actually went OK today again - I actually think it was the least stressed I've been for about a month which is so welcome at the moment, especially when there's still issues in one of the areas that I manage. 

After noshing on the yummy Sushi for both lunch and dinner, I watched the most amazing film ever: 'Zombeavers' Yup.. it really was that bad ;-) Still, after 'Sharknado', I guess there's no stopping the crazy animal horror films.

As I'm usually busy each night, I really find it hard to meal plan and buy healthy food - This means that when I do go food shopping, I'm usually tempted to buy random things that I find as sadly I am rather influenced by marketing :-( Therefore, to try and stop this from happening, I did an online Sainsburys order which arrived bang on 9:00pm tonight!

I have to say, I've been doing online Sainsburys orders for about 4 years now, ever since I moved house and they've always been right on time and the drivers always seem really nice, really friendly and chatty! I've got quite a few new recipes to try for next week, so I'm looking forward to trying new things and continuing to healthy eat :-)

Speedy breakfasts!

I don't want to get up earlier to faff around in the kitchen....

I wouldn't usually blog in the morning as I'm usually getting ready to go to work, however today I'm off to vote and then going into London for various (fun) meetings. 

I've seen a number of recipes for healthy breakfasts, loads in fact - and they all look great. However usually, all of them involve actual effort. Fair enough, that's cool if you want to get up earlier and are that motivated - I've tried before and within 2 weeks, I usually end up with additional food in my kitchen I don't use as I've hit the snooze button on my phone or have forgotten to eat, got to work and then wandered to the canteen to get a bacon roll.

Instant porridge has been my saviour - Of course 'home made' porridge would be better - less sugar for a start, however I find instant pots are good for portion control and I always try and stick some fresh fruit in them. If you pop the water in, then chuck a handful of blueberries in - by the time the porridge is ready, all the blueberries are soft and it tastes really nice - same with raspberries and blackberries. 

They fill me up until lunch time and I'm much less tempted to snack - they're also sustainable... I've been eating porridge for years and I can keep some at work in my locker, or even have a couple in the car, so if I stay over friends houses, I've got something I can eat and am not tempted to say 'Yes' when they offer me a fry up.I guess this just works for me. 

I would like to explore other alternatives for breakfast - however they have to be super quick, involve very little effort and be something I enjoy (as well, of course, as being healthy!).

Right then! off to vote and then to London :-)

Why do you want to lose weight?

What makes you want to lose weight? 

I think everyone has different motivations when it comes to weight loss. I mean, I've got 2 friends - both of whom have undertaken weight loss surgery... one had the gastric band 2 years ago and one had a gastric bypass just before Christmas. Both have lost a LOT of weight, however the one who had the gastric band said she only did it as she desperately wants children with her Husband and felt that the slimmer she was, the more chance she would have of getting pregnant. She actually made a point of saying 'If I didn't want kids, I wouldn't bother, as I'm happy the size I am'

The other friend who had the gastric bypass said she did it because she always had problems with her weight, and that she wasn't happy with how she looked - I think I can identify more with this friend as I feel quite similar. 

At the moment, over 50% of my wardrobe is unwearable as it's too small and I'm loathed to get rid of things as they're really nice! I've got some lovely bootcut jeans from NEXT which I feel really good in, when I wear them - I've also got some beautiful tops from Desigual which I've never even worn.

Take the one below...

I love this top - it's beautiful. It's V neck, which is perfect as I have a rather large chest.. it's a lovely colour and is quite long in the body, so I won't have to continually worry about flesh showing, even when I bend over - it's perfect! It's also a size XXL and despite that, is far too tight to wear at the moment. As Desigual is a fashion brand, I believe XXL means 'About a size 14' even when they state it's between a 16-18... 

Yet despite it being in my wardrobe for over 18 months, I've never worn it - you can still see the tag on it! It's sat in my wardrobe as I can't fit in it... it's so, frustrating! So.. what am I going to do about it? Keep it there for another 20 years and maybe auction it off on eBay as antique or retro clothing? 

Nope.. I'm going to continue to keep eating healthily and wear it at Christmas :-)