Healthy eating and all the other goss

I love my life, it's great... It's just so crazy at times.

Since getting back from Brighton, I've been really busy. Entirely my own fault and I wouldn't change anything for the world, however I'm looking forward to completely chilling today and enjoying a romantic meal with my Boyfriend tonight. 

As this is going to be quite a long post (as I've got so much to fill in) I'm going to put things in different sections, so people don't have to be bored if they don't want to hear about my Drama Friend or my sisters Moron Husband and as my main reason for this Blog is my healthy eating.. that's what I'll focus on, first.

The last few days of food

Since I started my garden leave, I don't think I've coped overly well without having a routine. Doing things I don't usually do with friends and family have meant that I've eaten out more than I've ever eaten out in my life and despite choosing healthy options a lot of the time (I'm always opting for the chicken ramen at Wagamamas and found a lovely salad at Giraffe), I enjoyed my 'holiday' in Brighton and whilst I am happy that I exceeded my daily steps allowance every single day I was there (sometimes more than double!), I didn't make completely healthy choices and as such, am currently terrified at the thought of stepping on the scales - I don't think I've lost weight, but I don't know how much I've put on... 

After getting back from Brighton, I spent one day with my sister, watching her cry about her Husband (more on that, later) and we decided to do a small spot of shopping and went to lunch, which was Wagamamas - so I could easily make a healthy choice there. I then saw another friend in the evening and we had venison sausages (healthier than normal sausages) sweet potato chips and half a tin of beans - again... that was OK, but I don't feel it's what my body needs at the moment - it's quite carb heavy and I've definitely felt more lethargic recently.

Yesterday I drove to the dentists and for the first time in my life, I apparently have to have a filling. I had my bottom wisdom teeth out in January as the Dentist found a 'light grey' patch on my X-ray which suggested a cavity was forming, but she couldn't fill it, as my wisdom teeth were impacted - Like.. totally sideways. Now they've been removed, she can fill my tooth - However, it will involve an injection. I believe I've written about this before - I have a severe needlephobia, so whilst she offered to do the filling there and then, I couldn't do it... I'm now really worried and stressed as I know that very soon, I'm going to have to have an injection...

As I was at the dentist early yesterday, I didn't have any breakfast and then drove to see my Mother. We had a lovely day going to two different National Trust properties - Dyrham Park and Lacock Abbey and for lunch, we stopped at a local pub, where she had a cheese Ploughmans and I had sausages, mashed potato and peas - I thought that was slightly more healthy than massive wedges of cheese and as we didn't get there until 2:30 (when technically the pub stopped serving food) there were limited options available...

I drove back from seeing my Mother and drove straight into town to see my lovely ex work friend.. and went to Pizza Express... It's just food, more food and more food at the moment - or at least that's how it seems. This morning, I've had a cup of tea and poached eggs on toast and just don't feel like eating anything else for the rest of the day at the moment. I've only got 1 more week of garden leave before starting my new job on Monday 17th August... Whilst I've really enjoyed time off - resetting my head and spending loads of time with people, I'm actually looking forward to getting back into a routine so healthy eating is much, much easier. I think I totally underestimated how not having a routine would throw me... 

My drama Friend

I had a lovely time with my drama friend last Friday and as per usual, she has had more drama with men (which I believe is all of her making).. More drama has ensued since last Friday! Apparently.. my friend has come to a 'realisation' - That Pete, is totally wasting his new girlfriends time as he doesn't feel the 'butterflies' with his new relationship. I did suggest to her that she was totally over invested in Petes' relationship and if she was a true 'friend', then surely she'd support his decision? However she said that based on her conversations with Pete, she has decided that he's only dating his new girlfriend for someone to date, not because he sees a future and as she's been on the receiving end of this behaviour from guys before, she's really angry.

Despite pointing out to drama friend that she doesn't know how Pete feels and at the end of the day, she's not met his new girlfriend and that's the thing... it's NEW! It's hardly like they really know each other, so why not back off and let Pete date this lady? Sadly drama friend doesn't seem to be able to let this go.. so at the moment she is currently trying to find Pete's new girlfriend on Facebook, so she can send her the screenshotted messages between her and Pete and 'show her' that Pete's not that bothered. Honestly? If I got messages from a woman who claimed to be friends with a man I had just started dating, I'd probably walk away from the guy as it suggested he had crazy friends... but then, I'm friends with her, so I guess I can't say anything.

One good thing (or at least, I hope it is) Drama friend has continued counselling and despite her first session being just the normal 'setting the scene', this week has apparently been more productive and she's started opening up more about how men have hurt her in her life (her parents splitting up and her Dad being a bit of an arse) so fingers crossed she will actually realise that her behaviour isn't normal or healthy and stop being ever so slightly crazy...

My Idiot Brother in law

I hate him so, so much. Honestly he's such a total and utter moron and sadly my sister is married to him. I saw my sister on Wednesday and after she'd been in my house for 5 minutes, she broke down into tears and told me that she's really unhappy.

Unfortunately, her Husband is being worse than useless at the moment. He doesn't do any of the cleaning or washing and whilst he does cook and loads the dishwasher (big deal...) he spends little to no time with his daughter and is an incredibly selfish man in regards to his 'time off'. He went back to the Drs a few weeks ago with depression and said that he was unhappy because he didn't feel he had any time to himself.... Er hello? They've got a 2 year old daughter!!!! My sister feels under immense pressure, feels unhappy.. yet doesn't moan about it.

I appreciate that may sound harsh - However despite being 'depressed', her Husband goes out to the pub... he still has 'band practice' and when he agrees to go to a childrens birthday party, a couple of hours before they're due to leave, he starts to whine 'Oh.. I've got a headache...' so my sister goes with their daughter and comes home a few hours later to find that her Husband has been watching TV and not doing any chores around the house - when challenged she gets the response 'For Gods sake, I can't get any time to myself... stop nagging'.

She does 100% of the bedtimes.. she does 100% of the mornings with their daughter...Apparently her Husband doesn't want to have sex with her and doesn't appreciate anything. It's very hard to appreciate his point of view when you've got one of your sisters crying on your sofa, saying she can't hold everything together. I guess one good thing is, the house and mortgage are only in her name (as she paid 100% of the deposit as he's a feckless Twat with money) so if / when she does kick him out... she can legally change the locks and actually - I think she'll find it easier, not harder... However I guess that's her decision.

What can you do when someone you love is unhappy apart from be there for them? It's hard though...  One thing she did admit - If she did meet someone who was lovely and showed her attention, she'd certainly consider leaving her Husband.. How can you go back from that?

This weekend...

This weekend I've got very little planned for tomorrow and Sunday I'm seeing some of my old Uni friends who I don't see very often at all. We tend to live 50 miles from each other in a line... with me being in the middle. Despite me being in the middle, I seem to always be driving to one of their houses... So friend in the South will drive to me.. and I'll drive us to London friend.. Or London friend will drive to me, and I'll drive us both to friend in the South. I believe it's been nearly a year since they both drove to me! I am quite quiet when it comes to saying something, however I've got a little pissed off about the fact that it's not really equal, so actually said 'I think it's actually my turn to host both of you, so I'm suggesting you come to me now...'

They both agreed, however one friend said 'So where we are going on Sunday?' (I believe, in the vain hope that I'll suggest we go to hers...) I very quickly said 'You're both coming to see ME!' They're nice people.... I just think I've been a bit soft at times.

I think on Saturday I'm going to do my 'chores'... Bathroom cleaning, grass cutting... I think it's probably a good idea to get it all done before I start my new job and just keep on top of things in general.... I also think I might actually go to another National Trust property and continue reading 'Wifework', although that book is really, really depressing when you read the statistics in regards to how much domestic work married women do, compared to married men..

Healthy eating and energy

It's important to try and find energy from healthy sources and not chocolate :-)

Breakfast: Porridge

Lunch: Giraffe Penang-bang salad

Dinner: Mango and sticky rice

Snacks: No snacks

Yesterday was mental - I didn't get in until after 11pm and was so tired I went straight to bed! It had all started out pretty relaxing - Porridge for breakfast with a nice cup of tea (I'm STILL using up the Porridge pots I bought a while ago....) and watched a few episodes of 'Fraiser' on TV. I've always liked Frasier and bought every DVD box set when it came out about 10 years ago... Even though it's aged, it's still funny, unlike some of the comedies today which I really just don't get... Maybe that's me just getting old, or maybe it's the fact that 'they just don't make 'em like they used to?'

I left the house 1.5 hours before I needed to meet the Professional guy for lunch. I wanted to wander around the shops for a bit and see if I could find any other nice clothes or bits and bobs. There was absolutely no traffic on the roads, so parked and wandered around Reading town centre... I headed straight for Marks and Spencers as there was one thing I really wanted to buy - More fat pants! Until my stomach is flat, I really dislike my tummy wobbling daily and wanted to get some new ones for when I start work. They're not actually called fat pants, they've got a more seductive name usually, 'Waist Clincher' or 'Stomach defining' however let's call a spade a spade - They make you look less fat... (Which is only a good thing in my mind).

Marks and Spencers lingerie department is a sight for sore eyes - just rows and rows of underwear. Whilst they do go up to my size, I've always found them quite hit and miss so despite trying on a beautiful royal green 36G bra.. it didn't sit flat against my chest and just didn't look quite right :-( However, I did manage to find what I was looking for and am now the proud owner of another pair of fat pants! I never get the ones with 'shorts' or bits that cover the top of your thigh as I always find that you bulge out the bottom and it makes you look like you have rubber rings around the tops of your legs... So tend to just go for the 'standard' shape. 

Despite wandering into a few more shops, I didn't find anything overly amazing, so headed to lunch. The Professional Guy was lovely - It's a shame I won't be working with / for him as he was really nice, however we said we'd keep in touch as both worked in the same industry and who knows what will happen in the future? It was a really nice 1.5 hours, made nicer by the fact I found something pretty healthy and incredibly tasty in Giraffee - a restaurant I've not been into for over a couple of years. When looking at their menu, they actually did a number of healthy options and said they could serve you meals without the bun / bread and substitute the fries for salads... that's pretty awesome going! They also did a number of really nice salads and I had the Giraffe Penang-bang salad which tasted lovely. According to the internet... this comes in at just over 500 calories, so not bad at all... 

(This isn't my photo, I had to find it on the internet as I thought the guy would think I was a bit weird if I pulled my phone out and started taking photos of my lunch!)

I then decided to use the fact I was in Reading as an advantage and headed up to Greys Court - Another National Trust property nearby. I have to say, I do still get quite anxious driving and going to places on my own, but when will I get another opportunity to do this? I have been to Greys Court before with my Mother, a few years ago, however had forgotten this until I saw the house which was lovely. Whilst I love antiques and the house certainly had a few of them! I actually preferred the gardens and was really happy to just slowly wander around the formal gardens, taking photographs in the sun. Whilst I was on my own, noone looked at me weirdly and I actually saw quite a few people on their own - all of whom smiled :-) 

After a couple of hours of generally meandering around, I headed to Twickenham to see my friend who did my eyelashes. She's awesome and had decided to feed me more mango and rice for dinner. I didn't ask her to, however she seemed so happy she had found it in the supermarket (as apparently it goes really quickly) I didn't feel I could say no. I was able to grab a quick look at the back of the box however, and it said it was 480 calories and 12g of fat - so not the worst dinner in the world :-)  I had planned to eat a chicken salad when I got back home, however after she did my eyelashes and we ate, I stayed at her house until pretty late... hence why I didn't write anything yesterday. 

I think I've said before, but I love having my eyelashes done, I really like how my face looks and it does give me more confidence. I usually have the shortest lashes possible, however yesterday asked my friend to do them one length longer to see how they looked and yeah... I don't think I look like a drag queen and they still look natural. I guess this is a prime time to change how I look as when I meet and work with all my new work colleagues in a few weeks, they won't have any pre-ideas about what I look like, so I can change anything I want and they should accept it (Unlike my last work place when I came to work with eyelash extensions and lots of people commented straight away).

This morning I am feeling pretty knackered. Despite not eating unhealthily, I think the fact I'm driving around a lot and seeing people here, there and everywhere is taking its toll on me - I feel rather drained! I do this to myself, so can't feel too angry.. Today I'm seeing my Drama Friend and tomorrow I'm seeing my Boyfriend before a very early start on Sunday, where myself and my Gastric Bypass friend (who is STILL doing really well and seems to have found herself a new boyfriend!) are going on a mini holiday...

I really need to keep my energy levels constant and not feel knackered and I know I need to be careful about what food I eat as sugary things are great, but then you get the horrible sugar crash afterwards. I've still got a few Bakewell Tart Nakd bars I can stick in my handbag, however am thinking of getting some dried fruit, maybe even some prunes that I can nibble on if I feel knackered. 

It's not them. It's you.

This weekend has been quite eye opening.

Where do I begin? Yesterday (Saturday) was really nice. My boyfriend picked me up and we went to Lydiard Park in Swindon as they had a classic car show. Thankfully the weather was really sunny, so we were able to get there relatively quickly and enjoy a nice wander around all the classic cars. As my Boyfriend has driven a number of VW's in his life, he tends to prefer them and Audi's as they are apparently 'superior engineering', whereas I'm afraid my heart will always lie with Vauxhall - having passed my test in a Corsa, undertaken my Pass Plus in a Corsa and only owned.. yup.. Vauxhall Corsa's :-) Unfortunately, Vauxhall didn't really make much of an appearance at the show, so I had to make do with various other cars instead.

Once we'd seen all the cars, we had a look inside the house which was really nice, before heading off to find some lunch. The pub we found was really posh, however in regards to 'healthy' things, it left a lot to be desired and the best thing I could find was 'chicken and chips' - hardly going to win any awards for health, I know. The best I could do was try to not eat the chicken skin and only eat a few of the chips, however it was hard - as I was rather hungry.

We then headed to a local National Trust property which was beautiful. Ashdown House which was used as a Hunting Lodge a few hundred years ago. It's not open all the time (The house is only open on certain days from 14:00) so we managed to get there for 14:30 and enjoyed walking around the grounds and also the guided tour which only took 30 minutes - perfect for someone who has a low attention span :-)

Despite not really feeling like we'd walked very far - we had actually managed to do over 8,000 steps which was pretty awesome. Once getting back home, I had a quick cup of tea and headed down to the South Coast to see my friend. This is the friend who is having an affair with a married guy and the married guy is going on a 2.5 week cruise with his wife and children - My friend, is rather upset about this as it means no contact for over 2 weeks.... I said I'd go down and try and take her mind off things whilst trying not to judge her actions (which is hard, as I don't condone cheating in any form).

I suggested we go to a local supermarket and grab some food, however she said she was knackered from building flat pack furniture so wanted to grab a takeaway - apparently due to where she lived, we only had 2 options... Pizza, or Chinese and she said she wanted Pizza as she'd eaten a lot of Chinese in the last 2 weeks. Oh joy... More unhealthy food :-S I didn't feel I could say anything as it's her house, so said that was fine and we ordered a Texas BBQ Pizza with some potato wedges. I was trying really hard not to feel resentment towards her - I mean.. Here I am, trying really hard to be healthy, suggesting we go to a supermarket and buy some food to cook, or if we get a takeaway, maybe it could be something healthy, but healthy pizza doesn't really exist..

It was nice - don't get me wrong, but I did feel really annoyed that once again, my healthy eating plans had been thwarted. However, then I thought about it... my friend is a size 14... here she was, telling me she'd eaten 'crap' for the last 2 weeks, eating pizza with me right now... yet she's a size 14? How is that possible? I'm a size 16 and am beating myself up about it every day at the moment.. every day I put something unhealthy into my mouth, I'm feeling guilt / frustrating and embarrassment that I can't remain on my healthy eating journey.

We chatted about it, and she said that she struggles with her weight (not something she'd ever said to me before), however she said she tried to take responsibility for everything she ate and as she's 'been a pig' for the last 2 weeks, is going to be really hitting the gym hard next week and eating mostly salads. It was kind of a light bulb moment in some ways - My friends aren't the reason I'm 'failing' at healthy eating - it's not fair to 'blame' them, they're not forcing the food into my mouth and equally, I should be able to eat takeaway with them as I don't see them all the time. The main issue is when I'm at home - like I am right now.. and rather than choosing say, a healthy option, I choose to eat rubbish.. It's not them, it's me.

My friend and other friends and family prove this - they eat takeaways... eat in restaurants, post pictures on Facebook about eating massive amounts of chocolate and drinking, yet a lot of them are slimmer than me..  So it can't be something they do all the time, right? Yet, if I'm not only eating unhealthily with them, but I'm also doing it at home.. that's all my body is getting... so it's not them, it's me who needs to sort this out.

It was a lovely night with my friend and it's been a lovely day with my friends as well. Despite going to a cafe for breakfast this morning (Full English - Didn't eat all the bread, nor the sausage and asked for things to be grilled, not fried) when she suggested icecream, I suggested frozen yoghurt and we got a 'Snog' instead (That's what the frozen yoghurt company is called, odd, huh? I'd never heard of it before!) We could choose whatever toppings we wanted, so I chose some blueberries... much healthier than Ice cream :-)  We then headed back to hers to watch 'The Woman in Black 2' and she told me she had loads of suits that were a size 16 that were too big for her and did I want them?

Wow... it's awesome. I'm now in the possession of 3 full suits, 3 suit jackets and 3 pairs of trousers... whilst most are a size 16, there's 2 pairs of 14 trousers which I can actually do up! However they are TIGHT, so I'm not kidding myself about my size. My friend said 'have the lot' as they were just in her wardrobe gathering dust - It was really nice of her so I'm thinking of sending her a massive bunch of flowers to say thankyou, that should cheer her up a bit and also show her that I really do appreciate it - The suits are not cheap... so I imagine it's over £500 of clothes easily!

I'm now back home, incredibly tired as I didn't sleep very well at my friends house. I slept in her lounge, on the floor as her sofa is quite short and my back couldn't cope with the fact my whole body wasn't lying straight. Unfortunately it was really hot in her lounge and her 3 cats were making a lot of noise most of the night so I think I got about 3 hours sleep, tops :-S Dinner tonight is a quorn pesto and mozerella escalope with some steamed veg and I'm just about to make it now before probably having an early night.

Thankfully, there's no work for me tomorrow, so I'm not worried about not sleeping tonight :-)

Can you poach an egg?

I think I've eaten 'normally' today...

Breakfast: 2 poached eggs on 2 slices of toast

Lunch: Salted beef bagel

Dinner: Wagamamas beef massumum curry

Snacks: No snacks today

Today has been as crazy busy as Monday and Tuesday this week. I've just got back after spending over 13 hours away from the house and I'm KNACKERED.... 

I certainly think my body is un-learning how to get up at 7:00am every morning which is usually something that only happens at Christmas time. Getting up at 8:00am this morning was painful, however as I was seeing my Mother, it was something that had to be done. Shower... nice cup of tea and breakfast, which today was a couple of poached eggs on toast, rather than my porridge as I just fancied a change. No spread as once you've mashed the egg up, I don't think it needs it.

I always found the saying 'So and So is terrible at cooking, they can't even boil an egg' rather odd, as I find boiling (and poaching for that matter) an egg much harder than say, making a shepherds pie or even making a quiche / curry from scratch. Eggs seem to be a lot, well.. trickier? However, despite the technical difficulty that eggs present to me, I managed to handle it quite well and after munching both slices, headed off for a nice Mother-Daughter day.

After arriving at my parents house, I had a nice cup of tea with my Mum and admired her work in the garden. My Mother loves gardening, as do I - so she was very happy to show me around and talk about all the new flowers she's been putting in the boarders. Looking around, I heard a rustling in one of the flower beds and on closer inspection it turned out to be a HedgeHog! I'm not sure what Mr (or Ms!) Hedgehog was doing during the day time as I thought they were supposed to be asleep... However they looked in good health, so we left them alone in peace. My Mother was rather chuffed to know there was a Hedgehog in the garden as she loves animals like me :-)

Today, my Mother and I went to Great Chalfield Manor which was an absolutely beautiful National Trust property in Wiltshire. Neither myself or my Mother had ever been before so it was lovely to wander round the gardens and also have a guided tour of the house. It's the type of architecture I love - Gothic style :-) After a lovely couple of hours, we headed back into Devizes where we got some lunch at 'The Bistro'. I'd read some really good reviews on Trip Advisor, so wanted to see if they were true. I chose a salted beef bagel and my mother went for a chicken wrap - both were absolutely gorgeous and it was nice just sitting by the window, chatting and watching the world go by.

We did notice some amazing looking deserts walk past us, but both of us were feeling really full so decided not to partake.... After lunch, we went to a local antique auction house - I'd never been to this one before, but we saw the signs when we drove past, so thought we may as well go and have a look - bad mistake (or good, depending on how you look at it) as there are some really beautiful antiques in the form of Oak Coffers... My favourite! Currently I'm unsure as to whether to place an absent bid on them, only because I really don't have anywhere to put them.... but, but.. they're so nice!

My Mum asked if I could drive her to Lidl so she could pick up a few bits and bobs - I haven't been into Lidl for ages and I have to say, I was really impressed with the fruit and veg. I think it's just a familiarity thing that I always shop in Tescos / Sainsburys, even though there's a Lidl pretty close to where I live. I think the thing I was the most impressed with, is the fact that all the chicken had 'The red tractor assurance logo on it - and so did all the meat I saw. I like the fact that despite the difference in price, there still seems to be responsibility on farming animals, something I'm quite passionate about.

I think I might try and do my shopping at Lidl for the next few weeks and see how I get on - I think the only things I might need to go elsewhere for, are Cherry Pepsi max and potentially Dove deodorant and Heinz salad cream.. Those are probably the only brands that I'm really loyal to.. anything else, I'm happy to try :-) 

After getting back to my parents house, I headed off to see my Drama Friend. It was really nice to catch up and we went to Wagamamas for dinner. I decided to try something different, so went for the beef massumum curry. Not the most healthy choice, but I didn't have any sides, nor pudding, so... Yeah, it doesn't feel like I've been a total piggy. To be honest however, it wasn't actually that nice so I don't think I'd have it again - Maybe I'll try something different next time.....

Drama Friend is good - more drama with men, however she's actually decided to go and talk to someone as she has finally admitted that some of her stalking tendencies aren't necessarily healthy. This is a major breakthrough and I'm really chuffed she's going to talk to a professional. She has admitted that she doesn't trust men, and as such, checks what they are doing constantly... checks for texts every 2 minutes and see's when they have last logged onto dating sites - even if she's not that interested in them as she's already expecting them to lie to her.... I certainly don't know the root cause, but hopefully the counsellor will be able to help.

After we finished dinner, we headed to a local bar for a few drinks - I was on Diet Coke as was driving home, whereas she drank a lot of red wine as lived locally so could walk home. Come 10:00pm... I headed home as I was knackered and here I am... back home and all ready for bed :-)

What really matters to you in life?

Having had time to think about things, I'm working out what's important in my life.

Breakfast: Oats so Simple porridge with a handful of raspberries

Lunch: Jacket potato with beans and salad

Dinner: Roast turkey breast with rosemary roasted new potatoes and steamed carrots and brocoli

Snacks: Noooooo snacks today :-)

Today I've had a lovely time, spending most of it with one of my sisters. She arrived last night and slept over and today we've spent most of our time visiting various antiques shops in Surrey, drinking tea and attempting to go to a National Trust property.

After eating porridge with raspberries for breakfast and washing it down with a nice cup of tea, my sister and I left home and got to our first antiques shop at just after 10:30. The Bourne Mill Antiques Centre is absolutely huge - over 40 rooms of 'things' which you could seriously spend a few hours wandering around if you're majorly into antiques. Thankfully we managed to wander round in just over an hour and as it was nearing lunch time we ordered some lunch in the cafe that's part of the shop as well. If you've read my Blog from a couple of days ago, you'll know I am really trying to refocus my healthy eating after a couple of days of eating crap, therefore I'm hyper-sensitive about what I'm putting into my body, simply because before, if I ate unhealthy things I'd think 'Well, I've failed, so I may as well continue eating unhealthy things' and I'd go back to old habits.

Looking at the menu, there was one thing that looked the most healthy, a good old spud - Rather than have it with bacon and cheese like my darling sister, I opted for beans - Wow.. there were a lot of beans. It was absolutely lovely and listening to my body, I actually didn't finish it all as I felt really full. Once we'd eaten, we headed off to another antiques place nearby - The Packhouse antiques centre (less than 10 minutes drive, Hurrah!). I hadn't been there for a while, however they seem to have redone it and it seems to be a lot bigger and have a lot more things in there - perfect for my sister, as she's really into 'Shabby chic' which is probably as far removed from my taste as you can get, still... we had a nice time chatting as we walked round :-)

Then it was off to the third antique place - The Antiques Warehouse, which is again, less than 10 minutes drive. Unfortunately, despite going to three places with amazing antiques, there was nothing that 'floated my boat'. Probably a good thing as I don't get paid for another week and all of this socialising is certainly denting my bank balance :-( Once done, we planned to go to Clandon House which is a beautiful house in Surrey. What we didn't realise was, a massive fire had completely gutted the house in April 2015, so when we turned up, we couldn't get in. Despite it being closed, we actually managed to find our way into the car park and walk around some of the public footpaths nearby which I really enjoyed as it was a lovely sunny day and despite all the walking around antique shops, I prefer being outside wherever possible.

Poor Clandon House looked really sad with all the cranes and workmen - I really hope it can be restored as it no doubt looked amazing before the fire. 

Spending today with my sister and catching up with life has been lovely - Really, really nice. The difference not being at work has made to my mental state is really profound. Rather than dedicating 50% of my thought process to 'What do I need to do at work tomorrow?' or even, 'Is my Boss really planning on sacking me?' I can devote 100% of my attention to my sister, the beautiful surroundings and just enjoying the lovely weather. I think at the moment, my relationships with family, friends and my Boyfriend are one of the most important things in my life at the moment - looking back in retrospect over the last few months, all of them have been so supportive to me and I really want to strengthen my bonds with all of them.

Equally, I want to continue my healthy eating - not just to change how I look, but also to get my body as ready as possible for being a Mother. In Devon, my Boyfriend and I talked about children again and I think it's pretty clear we're going to start trying to have children in the next few months - even before we buy a house. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't.. there won't be as much pressure on things.... I would like to eat more healthy simply because I'd like to think I'd be carrying a baby in a more healthy body, which can't be a bad thing, surely?

Dinner was an absolutely amazing BBQ Turkey steak I bought from Sainsburys and I topped it off with some steamed vegetables and roasted baby potatoes. One thing I don't think I've ever mentioned is how I roast my potatoes. Having read the book ' The diet myth' by Tim Spector which details all the different types of oil, I threw away my virgin olive oil and actually use extra virgin olive oil - as 'extra virgin' as you can get. I don't use spray oil, simply because I don't like the taste, however I only use a drop and then toss the potatoes around in a small roasting tray. They taste amazing and they're certainly not dripping in oil :-)

Tomorrow is my most chilled day, I think - I don't have a lot on, so I'm going to see what I can plan once I get up in the morning.... 

Only buying healthy things in the supermarket

So far, things are looking good!

My first 'official;' day of garden leave and I think I've been more mentally busy than I have been for the last few weeks whilst at work. After getting up, I stuck a load of washing on and planned out what I would be eating for the next few days - I really don't want to give up on my healthy eating so I was thinking that if I meal planned, I would know what to get in the supermarket and it would be easier to stay on track if I knew what I'd be eating for the next few days.

Well, my shopping trip was incredibly successful. I managed to get a whole lot of fruit and vegetables and precisely 0 snacks at all. In fact, the only 'additional' thing that I bought was for lunch today and I was incredibly proud of the fact that I'd found it! What's that? Butter nut squash dip.. Hurrah! I loved the Butter nut squash and sweet potato dip that Marks and Spencers used to do, however they stupidly decided to discontinue it a few weeks ago, much to the chagrin of my lovely vegan friend and myself. Having had it for lunch with a raw pepper and pita bread, I have to say it's rather nice and with less than 6g of fat per 100g of the stuff, I'm certainly going to be eating a lot of it in the future - I just hope Sainsburys don't decide to discontinue it was well!

As I really don't want to sit on my arse for the next 4 weeks watching random TV. I decided to head off to another National Trust property and go to Hinton Ampner. I've been before so I knew it wasn't a massive property, but I could easily spend an hour or so walking around and admiring the antiques in the house. As it wasn't the best weather in the world today I also thought it wouldn't matter too much if I had to cut my visit short as it was within an hours drive of my house.

I think I made the right choice as it turns out that only the bottom floor of the house was open as there is construction work being done on the roof. Due to all the scaffolding, the house doesn't look as grand as it did before, however I guess it's a necessary evil and once done, the roof will be a lot better :-) The gardens were still beautifully done and I actually decided to wander down a footpath for 1/2 a mile or so in the fields, opposite to the property.All in all, I'm glad I went out and about, rather than staying in.

As news of my leaving the company spread round my ex-colleagues (my Boss sent an email just after lunch, telling everyone I had left), I was inundated with emails and Facebook friend requests which was really, really touching. I spent a good hour replying to people and was trying to balance telling them 'the truth', without coming across as bitter. Once again, it was really, really nice to read some of the complimentary things that all of my ex-colleagues were writing and stops me asking myself 'Was it me? Was I crap at my job?' evidently a lot of people don't seem to think so :-)

Tonight my lovely non-work friend and I are going to watch 4 episodes of  'Judge Geordie' and I've cooked her a Whole roasted cauliflower which turned out really, really well - whether you're a meat eater or not, I'd certainly recommend it. Yum! One of my sisters turned up tonight and we spent a lovely hour at the pub with my boyfriend and now we're off to bed so we can spend a lovely day together tomorrow :-)

So yes... Been 100% committed to my healthy eating and feeling really awesome! :-)

How do you 'get back on the Wagon?'

Oh my God, I've had such an amazing weekend.

It was awesome. truly awesome. I surprised my Boyfriend with a night in Devon - Lynton, to be exact. We drove down there on Saturday lunch time and spent all of Saturday afternoon / evening and Sunday doing things around Exmoor and it was brilliant. Not to beat around the bush - I ate shit. I don't mean I stuffed my face from morning to night, but I ate some unhealthy things and it's only now I'm back at home, that I'm trying to recalibrate my focus for next week. 

On the way down to Devon we called in on the 'Quince Honey Farm', or as I've been saying 'The Bee Farm'. You learnt all about how the Honey Bees made honey, how it was collected and how it was processed as well as what you could make from the honey / wax. There were an awful lot of hives in different places and whilst it was slightly off putting by hearing the very loud buzzing behind the glass, it was also fascinating to see inside all the hives. I'm not overly keen on honey to be honest, but sampling some of it on a tasting stick - It was actually really nice :-)

Our hotel was amazing. The 'Seawood hotel' and our room looked out onto the Ocean. It was really romantic and so relaxing - especially as I've now left my job so I wasn't thinking about what I needed to do when I got back to the office. As soon as we got to our hotel, we checked in and started exploring straight away. We went on the Lynton and Lynmouth railway (this train that takes you up and down the cliff) and wandered around Lynmouth which was just so idyllic. I even found another painting of bluebells by a local artist which is beautiful and will look amazing in my house. We walked by the river and enjoyed the beautiful Saturday Sunshine. 

I actually missed Blogging yesterday, however one of the reasons the hotel was so peaceful is because it had NO phone signal whatsoever - this meant no texts, no phone calls and more importantly... no internet access. It did claim to have WIFI, however this wasn't accessible in our room so in the end, I decided to just wait until I got back home to update my blog and catch up on everything that's been happening on Social media (which is actually nothing, so I really do think I need to stop using it so much... )

We decided on a meal in 'The Vanilla pod', a restaurant in Lynton at the top of the cliff - It was amazing and I had a started of spiced chickpeas and a main course of fish - Pretty awesome and quite healthy. Unfortunately, I washed it down with 2 large glasses of red wine and then decided I wanted chocolate (there's a theme emerging every time I drink!) so went to the local Llondis and bought a medium sized bar of chocolate.

I won't say what else happened on Saturday night, suffice to say - For the first time in ages, I actually didn't feel stressed and it's amazing how much libido you have when you're not worrying about stuff :-)  My boyfriend and I sat on some chairs by the window and just talked... it was so nice to have some proper 'us' time and after that we.... *ahem* .... Yes.. I think we both had a smile as we went to sleep on Saturday!

Despite the bed being really comfy and it being incredibly quiet I didn't sleep overly well as I'm just not used to sharing a bed with someone - nevertheless, it was still really nice and comfy and breakfast in the hotel was gorgeous - It should have been anyway, as it was Eggs Benedict. I've not Googled how many fat and calories, I know it will be a lot, so.. yeah... I know. After breakfast, it started raining which was a bit of a pain - however we checked out and started our massive 'National Trust' tour on the Sunday which consisted of Watersmeet, Arlington Court and Dunster Castle.

Thankfully the weather got better towards lunch time and the afternoon so we were able to get on and do things pretty easily. Lunch consisted of a cheese Ploughmans that we bought from Arlington Court - Despite having a big chunk of bread on each of our plates, my boyfriend was trying to stick to his Atkins-esque diet and low carbing it, so he gave me the bread to feed to the finches that were really tame - I think it's the longest we've actually sat down anywhere as we were both trying to get the birds to eat of our hands. We didn't manage it, but they did get very close! 

Dunster Castle was as lovely as Arlington Court and we did a lot of walking before admiring the actual Castle. Before we got to the Castle, we stopped off on the way and had an icecream (Yes, I'm deliberately mentioning all of the things I've eaten today as I said... it's not been great) however, it was a lovely icecream and I really enjoyed it. I really did - having beautiful weather, looking out onto the sea and eating an icrecream is a memory I hope I never forget as it was just lovely. 

The amount of beautiful antiques inside both Arlington Court and Dunster Castle certainly ignated my passion to buy more antiques for my house - however as I've got another week before I get paid, I am going to try my best to tame my desires for the next 9 days :-)

You'd have thought that after 3 National Trust properties, that would have been enough - but no, on the way back home we saw a brown sign for 'Cleeve Abbey' - An English Heritage property and decided to pay a quick visit in there as well - I love gothic things, gothic architecture is just amazing in my books and I love ruined Abbeys. As we're both National Trust and English Heritage members, it doesn't really cost us anything to do all of them in a day and as we're not usually around the area, we thought 'why not?'

As it was 4:30, there was noone else around and it was really nice to wander around, learn about how the Abbey had been turned into a working farmhouse building and admire the lovely arches. Down the same road was a cider farm and we decided to pay a quick visit in there and buy some cider - After all, why wouldn't you do that when in Somerset? :-) As well as buying a couple of litres of cider, I also bought a small bag of chocolate raisins...

2.5 hours later and we were back home - or should I say, we were in the Sushi restaurant in Reading that we have frequented on more than one occasion. I didn't go 'crazy', but I did have quite a few pieces of sushi.... Now I'm back home, absolutely knackered and my feet / back are hurting quite a lot. We did over 7,000 steps yesterday and over 11,000 steps today!

I ate crap - I don't regret it, I'm not going to lie about it... and I'm not going to apologise. It was such a lovely couple of days and I feel that my relationship with my Boyfriend is really strong at the moment. We've been together a number of years, but things seem to have just 'clicked' and I've never before looked forward to the idea of buying a house, having children, being with someone for the rest of my life... But I really am and I still enjoy and look forward to spending time with him.

However, this isn't a daily thing and I don't want to 'give up'. I don't want to weigh myself at the moment as I have a very strong feeling, I'll see an increased number on the scales and I think that will make me feel quite upset - almost embarrassed? as I've done so well to date. So for the next week, I'm going to do a lot of clean eating. I'm not going to starve myself in pennance for the last couple of days, but I am going to meal plan tomorrow morning and update my blog with the weeks food choices... 

So yes... Back on the Wagon.. Size 14 jeans for Christmas... Let's go :-)