Tuesday, 7 July 2015

My crazy Uncle and Aunt

I am sure every family has people like this, don't they?

Whilst my Blog is primarily about my healthy eating, I think it's important to gain a bit of background knowledge about stuff and that includes my family members. I think out of all my family members, my Uncle Robert and Aunty May are the most 'unique' out of all them.

Background: My Mother was adopted when she was very young. She was adopted by my Grandmother along with her (non-blood related) brother. Growing up, she only found out she was adopted when she found a lot of papers relating to her adoption in one of the wooden trunks in my Grandmothers bedroom. She learnt her birth surname and the names of her Mother and Father, where she was born (Bristol) and also learnt she had an older sister. My Grandmother mostly refused to talk about it and whilst my Grandmother wasn't physically abusive, she did threaten to 'Send my Mother back to where she came from' and treated my Uncle like he was the Golden child who could do no wrong.

I remember my Mother getting very upset on occasions as she never knew why she was given up for adoption, however whilst my Grandmother was alive, she didn't feel she could find her birth parents as it would upset my Grandmother. Unfortunately, my Mothers Brother was a bit of a Twat, putting it mildly - He had a criminal record for violence, did all the drugs under the sun, stole my dead Grandads' tools (he used to be a mechanic) and sold them down the local pub - He moved to France 25 years ago after a very bad fight where he was going to be arrested and only ever came back to England to take more money off my Grandmother - He hadn't held a job down for over 20 years and made money on the side by selling drugs - He was only interested in himself before he died of pancreatic cancer, therefore was never bothered finding his parents, let alone supporting my Mother to find hers.

As I have a very unique Surname (Ryan is only half of it, it's actually double barrelled) It's only my family that appear in Google when you search for my surname. As it was, my sister was Googling our surname and came across a post my Mother had done, 4 years previous on 'Genes reunited' where she said she was trying to find her birth parents. We never even knew she was looking! Unfortunately, 4 years had gone and she hadn't found them - However I'm a lot more internet savvy than my Mother and as such, was able to track down my Mothers sisters birth certificate - I found out she had given birth to two children and managed to track one of her children down on Facebook!!!!

I sent a very polite message saying ;You don't know me, but I think you're my cousin' and gave him all the details, After a few hours, he replied, saying due to circumstances he no longer spoke to his Mother, however the details sounded right and he would pass the message onto his Mother through another person.

A few days went past and I got another message from him 'Hi Imogen, my Mother wants you to call her' and gave me the number. My heart was beating fast when I phoned the number as I thought the woman on the end of the phone might say 'Hi Imogen, I don't want you to stalk me so never contact me again'...  As the woman picked up and said 'Hello' and I said 'Hi, it's Imogen, I think you're my Aunt May?'  She burst into tears and said 'Oh my Goodness, we've been searching for your Mother for 20 years!'

Wow and wow... we did it, my sister and I found her. It turns out, that in the 1950's if a couple divorced, there was no such thing as the Child Support Agency, so when my Mothers parents divorced, my Mother was given up for adoption as she was younger and it was considered 'easier' on her, whereas my Aunt was looked after by her Uncle as she was older. My Aunt said that her and her Husband had been looking for my Mother for years but couldn't find her.

Turns out, my Aunt had got married and had 2 children - Unfortunately, her first Husband was abusive and had tried to strangle her, before putting her into the boot of his car as well as trying to drown her in a bath. With very bad injuries, she realised she needed to get away from him - Unfortunately he turned her Daughter against her, so they haven't spoken for years. We broke the news that we'd found our Mothers sister to her on Christmas day 6 years ago. We got her a Christmas card.. and put her sisters name and number in it. We then handed her the card and said 'This will be the best Christmas present you've ever had' - She opened it and said 'May?' Who's that? To which I replied 'It's your sister, we found your sister!' - I'd not seen my Mother burst into tears for over 10 years until that moment. 

It turns out that after my Aunt divorced her first Husband, she then met Robert in the medical core in the army and married him - However (and this is where it gets weird) Uncle Robert is quite frankly... mad. My Mother went to Derbyshire to meet her Sister and she stayed with her sister and Uncle Robert.

Reasons why my Uncle is crazy

1. They don't have any mirrors in the house as Uncle Robert has a spirit guide called Lucy who doesn't like mirrors. Every dinner time, they have to raise a glass 'To Lucy'.

2. He believes that the Government are spying on him - He has a computer disk with over 50 years worth of Government secrets on it and he knows they are trying to get it back. He knows things that would bring the Government down, including what really happened to Princess Diana.

3. He believes that banks are evil, therefore they store a lot of money in their fruit machines as it's more fun and just as safe'.

4. He was apparently responsible for 'taking down all of the Satellites in Spain' (He doesn't even have a computer) 

5. Text message: 'Hi Imogen tell Robert off as he wants to go to war to take out the talibon snipers taking out our troops as he is top man for the job. he is thinking of asking prince andrew to autherise through mod as hes done enough for his country he has me and you girls to live for but he is a top shot and never misses he would save lives but i do not want him to go xxxxx'

6. Text message: hi Imogen thank you for the flowers and the card they werre lovely we both wish you would reconsider your holiday to iceland because of the risk we hope the island is destroyed before you go to it. robert will ask the heavens above for this to be done as we dont want to lose you xxxxx'

7. Text message: Hi imogen, we are on the housing list in the spring robert will potition hrh prince charles about changes within the national trust if we have not moved by next year we will buy a one way ticket to dignutas as we are tired of our landlords next door. they moan about cut backs but they party every week end with theyre friends they do like going on cruises as they have now gone for another weeks cruz. sometimes we have to go without. robert has put a spell on them the last 2 cruises and this time he is willing a fatility, love you may and robert xxxx

My sisters and I only met them once, about 3 years ago and after that, we said we wouldn't go again unless we were all there as it was really full on. Robert kept saying how he didn't have children but was going to 'adopt' us (we're all adults) and how we could think of him as a surrogate Father and how he could tell the future and he knew we'd all be successful. He has a 'family crest' and a 'Sword of our ancestors' which apparently will unite the family if held in a correct way and currently the plan is to sell the 'meteorite' they found in their back garden and spend some of the money on a surrogate Mother who can apparently Father Andrew's son, so that their name and our name (as it will apparently be triple baralled) will 'live on through history'

I could write so much more on this, but there we have it - My Uncle and Aunt... crazy. 

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