Saturday, 25 July 2015

I'm an idiot

Only a brief one as I'm off out in a few moments.

Yesterday was pretty dire in regards to the weather. I had planned to go to a nearby National Trust property and walk around all the gardens and lakes - I'd worked out that this would have taken a good hour or so and I'd have done about 3 miles of walking. Due to the rain, I sat on my arse inside and mostly watched TV all day. 

I did do something interesting.. I went out and bought food - However it wasn't healthy food, it was biscuits and potato wedges... Hardly the worst crime of the century, however where has my Mojo gone and why am I reverting back to what I have always done? 

I saw my gastric band friend last night and she had bought over a number of size 16 suits for me to try on - despite her being a lot shorter than me, she hadn't taken any of the suits up in length as 'They were too big for her within weeks', which is amazing for her - she asked if I wanted to try them on, before she sold them on eBay. It was really nice of her and I tried all of them on. Sadly they are all 'skinny' suits and I tend to prefer bootcut or wide leg so they didn't look overly nice on me - equally, a couple of the suits were tight, so I need to stop kidding myself that I'm close to getting my arse into a size 14 - that will happen, but it needs me to stop eating rubbish.

Then we went out - My friend suggested curry and I said 'sure'... I haven't had a curry in ages, but despite trying to choose the healthy options, I completely failed and had a keema naad bread with a lamb korma - I think that's probably THE most unhealthy option you can choose and whilst it was nice... I just feel really frustrated with myself this morning. This isn't helping me reach my goal, this isn't helping me fit back into nice clothes and this is going to mean once again, that I'm playing Russian roulette with my jeans which is something I have no desire to go back to.

I've got another 3 weeks off work - something I know would make a lot of people jealous and I'm sitting on the sofa, eating rubbish.... It's really embarrassing. 

I don't have anything unhealthy in my house, so it's all eating out and I need to try and stop it. I'm worried as I'm staying over another friends house tonight and have no idea if she wants to order Take away... I think it's times like these that are the only times I genuinely do want to hide away from the world and scream 'No, no more food!' however life revolves around it...

I could have updated my Blog yesterday, but I felt really embarrassed - How is someone going to feel reading this if they want to become motivated to eat healthily? I know I'm pretty blunt and lack empathy sometimes.. I think I'd be screaming and wanting to bang my head against the wall 'Just stop eating crap, you idiot!' Well..yeah.. that's it really, isn't it?  I guess by acknowledging that this is a journey and there are bound to be fuck ups along the way helps - the question is, how big a fuck up this is.

So far, I've just had 2 poached eggs on wholemeal bread... No butter and nothing else. I'm hoping I can find something healthy to eat for lunch with my Boyfriend and we'll have to see about tonight. If I can veto Pizza, Chinese and Indian, I may be able to find something that's moderately OK and come back tomorrow and either go for a massive long walk or even venture to the gym. 

I'm not going to give up, but I am going to try and get through the next 24 hours before trying to be more active and not eating complete rubbish that's bad for my body.

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