Tuesday, 14 July 2015

My idiot Brother in Law

I love my sisters and try and respect all of their choices

I've certainly made mistakes in regards to choosing partners in the past, so I don't feel it's my place to judge my sister. It just makes me mad that my Sister is incredibly clever, very pretty and has so much to offer someone, yet unfortunately she has chosen to marry and breed with someone who can only be described as an immature, feckless, spoilt child.

My sister met 'Lee' over 10 years ago. They met whilst she was at Uni and he was a friend of a friend - a few years older than her, he dropped out of school, dropped out of his NVQ and was working in a pub, smoking a lot of weed and not doing much else. To be fair - at that point, my sister was also smoking weed, so they seemed to have a lot of in common as both also liked the same music, beer... etc. When I met him, he seemed pleasant enough - my sister seemed happy, so everything would be awesome. Unfortunately, over the years, he has done some incredibly horrible and nasty things and no matter what he does in the future, I don't feel he deserves her.

After my sister graduated, they moved in together and after a few years, got engaged - rather than have a wedding in the UK, they decided to get married in Vegas as my sister doesn't like drama. This is when all the issues started to appear.

Porn / dating sites - My sister bought herself a computer. One day, she went to the computer and discovered that her Boyfriend had been looking at pornography (each to their own, however my sister had made it perfectly clear that she didn't feel it was acceptable in their relationship and her Boyfriend agreed) not only that, he'd been looking for women in the local Swindon area that had 'big boobs and brunette hair' - the exact opposite of my sister, who is beautifully willowy and has natural blonde hair.

Being awful with money - When my sister met her Boyfriend, he had a very bad credit rating. He'd defaulted on a number of credit cards and was paying back thousands of pounds of debt on a voluntary payment scheme. When they got engaged, my sister saved 50% of the Vegas wedding money in her account and he saved 50% of the Vegas wedding money in his account - Then just after Christmas one year, he sat her down and said:

'Sweetheart, I've done something really silly' 

Turns out he had spent all of the money he'd saved for their wedding..... On what? On beer, on clothes, on things for himself. 

She was livid and phoned me - I told her to kick him out for a few days. She did and he was surprised and begged her to take him back, which she did. She then told him that if he ever did something so stupid again, she wouldn't take him back - He had to save all the money again.

However, he has done it again. More than once. When they were looking to buy a house, when their child was 6 months old (my sister had some inheritance money)she kept asking her Husband for a print out of his credit rating and he kept putting her off. When he couldn't put her off any longer, he sat her down and said

 'Now I'm only telling you this because I love you' 

Turns out that he managed to get a £3,000 credit card and had spent it all on himself. Not on his wife, not on his 6 month old child, but on beer, clothes, music, a guitar, a new phone. However it doesn't stop there - he then took out a £3,000 loan to pay off the credit card, but instead of paying off the credit card, he spent more money on himself. Whilst my sister was on maternity leave, he was out the house, spending money he didn't have. My sister did throw him out for a week, however when he came back to collect some clothes, 'she saw how hurt he was and how much he missed his daughter and realised she couldn't separate her daughter from her Father'...  As it stands, both the mortgage and the deeds of the house and are my sisters name only and they did have a pre-nup (it should have been updated after the birth of their daughter, but I don't know if my sister got around to doing this and I don't want to pry...)

My sisters post natal depression - My sister had a horrific birth with her daughter, I was there through the entire thing and if / when I have children, I swear I want a C-section as I've never seen anything so bad in my entire life. Unfortunately my sister was left with severe post traumatic stress as well as having a double prolapse and needing over 2 hours of stitches - she fainted the day after she gave birth due to the blood loss she experienced. 

Unfortunately, her Husband was awful - he couldn't cope at all, wouldn't cook, clean. The best he did was order pizza and when she complained that she was constipated which was causing her to push (not great when you've prolapsed) he said 'You should be grateful you have food at all'. 

My sister had a car - Her Husband didn't as he couldn't afford it. When he went back to work, he moaned and moaned about having to take the bus, so my sister let him use her car - She was stuck indoors with a very young baby and got incredibly unhappy. When she was in pain, her Husband would say 'Oh, so am I.. I have a headache' and wouldn't help her at all, as his 'headache' was as bad as her post-birth injuries. Whenever she needed her car to take her daughter to the GP surgery, he would get really moody and ignore her as 'He'd have to take a bus and walk to work'... She admitted that in the end, she wouldn't ask him to use her car, as she hated him getting into those moods. This massively contributed to her mood.

Emotional Affair - Around the same time that my sisters Husband decided to take out additional credit cards, my sister found out that he had been messaging a woman on Facebook that he worked with. Her Husband used to play the guitar in a band and would spend most of the weekend 'practising'. The woman he worked with fancied herself as a singer and despite having a boyfriend, apparently had a reputation for targeting married men, getting them to leave their wives and then dumping them saying 'You got the wrong end of the stick'. The messages were along the lines of 'I'm sorry things are so bad with your boyfriend Hun', 'You'd be amazing in our band as you're so pretty', 'My Wife is too busy looking after the baby to really appreciate me helping round the house' Helping? HELPING? It's his daughter as well, for crying out loud!

Ok, so that's not as bad as 'Yeah baby, last night was amazing', but considering how unhappy my sister was, the fact that her Husband was chatting to this woman on Facebook, rather than supporting her at home is just so selfish - He now apparently admits that what he did was wrong, especially when he tried to delete all the messages and deny it.... (However I'd already told my sister to screenshot everything). The woman left the company and apparently is still breaking up marriages....

Not taking responsibility - My sister and her Husband had 3 cats. Unfortunately one of the cats had Feline infectious peritonitis (FIP) which meant he needed to be put down. After all the tests and vet care, the bill came to £1,000. My sister paid it straight away and her Husband insisted 'I'll pay 50%, he was my cat, too' ... My sister didn't push him, she even said 'Are you sure, can you afford it?' to which he apparently replied 'Of course, I loved him too, I want to pay half'....

Over 9 months later, no money has been given to my sister.

Last year, my family went on a family holiday and another one of my sisters asked my married sister if she, her Husband and daughter would like to go. My sister spoke to her Husband about it and he said yes, he could pay for his share. Months later when my sister needed the money for the deposit, my other sister spoke to her Husband - Nope, he didn't have the money, but he'd pay her back if she paid for the deposit.

Over a year later, my sister hasn't received any money from her Husband to pay for his share of the holiday. 

He broke my sisters perfume bottle a few months ago - a minor thing. He apologised and then said 'I'll buy you another one, I'm sorry, I'll buy you another one'. My sister called him on it and said 'Really? I didn't think you had any money - I'd be much happier if you were honest and said you couldn't afford it, than make promises you're not going to keep'... He went into a massive huff, ignored her for the rest of the day and said that he didn't like her 'Having a go, as it hurt his feelings and made him feel crap.. of course he'd replace her perfume as he promised he would'

She's still waiting for him to replace her perfume.

I don't know if my sister will ever get rid of her Husband. I know her Husband will never get rid of my sister as he's onto a very cushy life. I don't say much when she tells me what he's been up to as I know that I have a tendency to be quite opinionated and if I did say 'He's an idiot, dump him' she might feel as if she can't talk to me any more as she's not doing what I suggest - it's her life and her choice, even if I don't agree in her being married to a giant knob. 

Thankfully, I don't have to see him very much and when I do, I'm polite and we get on OK. He seems to think I like him, which I guess is good from my sisters point of view, however if she ever wanted to leave him, I'd be there with as much support as I could offer and I know my other sisters would, as well.... 

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